Going to CAB on Monday to see the family lawyer.. but need advice on what to ask

mumof1and1ontheway

Some of you will know my circumstances... now 23 weeks pregnant and a single mum, with a 20 month old son. Seperated with ex Boxing Day due to finding out he was cheating (there were already many many problems causing arguments constantly, so I can't say he was 100% to blame by cheating).

I now rent a place of my own and have everything I need for baby and DS1. But there are many many debts that were left behind, that I have not yet forwarded my address to due to being terrified of how I am going to manage. Many are in my name, a few in ex's name and a few that are joint. I have made agreements to pay arrears with the council and have missed payments due to forgetting and now not having the pennies to cover the bills

So... I am going to a CAB drop in on Monday to see the family lawyer for advice... and have an appointment at the end of April with CAB for debt advice (the earliest appt they had). But... what can the family lawyer help me with.. what am I supposed to ask? I am all in a muddle at the moment.

I'm unsure what he CAN help me with, what he can't.. what to save for the debt advisor etc etc.

But here is my long list of things I would ideally like to get help with or sort out... so anyone who knows how I can find this info or has some words of wisdom or advice you are more than welcome

1. How to sort out all these debts whilst still being able to afford my hire purchase items, my other arrears (NHS bursary etc).. and if there is a way to split them so I am not left with all the debt and the ex gets at least some

2. How to figure out custody will work with DS2 when he is born... ex currently has DS1 2 nights a week.

3. How to figure out my financies so I know what I can and cant afford debt wise... eg, repayment offers. Also the same for working out how I will cope when baby is here. I get no money from the ex and provide all nappies, wipes, toothpaste, medication etc etc... and I do not mind this as he is on job seekers atm. But I worry how I will manage when DS2 is born.

4. What rights does the ex have when it comes to his kids? How do I figure what is reasonable when baby comes along.. does he have a right to be at the birth... a right to see his newborn on a daily basis until I allow him to take him out and have overnight? Also... is there anyway of ensuring he sticks to dates and times.. as atm he sticks to days... but I never know until the night before or morning what time DS1 is being picked up or dropped off.

5. How much contact should I have with the ex? I get daily texts asking how DS1 and bump are... and always reply from feeling mean and not wanting him to worry.. but part feels like its just a conversation starter... and he knows I inform him of every decision I make etc.

6. When the kids go to nursery, school etc... is it all my say? Is it 50/50? What happens if he wants to see kids on same days as before they were at nursery, but then drops them off late or lets them miss days and I get into trouble etc?

Erm... I am sure there is so much more I am worrying about... but its left my mind atm. Everything is whizzing round and round atm... and I am trying so hard to stop being miss nicely nicely with him letting him get away with everything, but I feel so guilty and mean all the time and so sorry for him.
He is playing the woe is me card, saying he cant afford bills or food etc, but yet is still paying car insurance and putting fuel in the car. (I can understand needing it to pick us DS1 but I would be more than willing to meet him half way on the bus if he had no car for a while).

He has a new gf and I was glad of this as I am now seeing someone, but tbh I hoped it would mean hed leave me alone a little, and stop asking me to take him back. But now I get all the moaning about the gf. I am at a loss atm of how to move forward I so want to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy and plan for baby... but all I can think of is how he is going to ruin it all. Always moaning how easy I have things because I get CB and TC and I see my son most of the time. But yet its me looking after him when he's ill and comforting him through teething whilst being exhausted from pregnancy and not sleeping at night

I am so so sorry its so long

Penelope_Penguin

Hugs for you - you sound so stressed :A

Don;t worry about having all your questions worked out - we're trained to ask questions of you, so that the most important issues are dealt with.

You make no mention of benefits or Tax Credits - that needs looking at, and will be best sorted before you see your Debt Adviser.

What about maintenance?

An April appointment isn;t so bad - you couldn;t get to see me or my colleague until the second week of may atm :eek::eek::eek:

Good luck

mumof1and1ontheway

I get housing benefits, I do not have to pay council tax though have big arrears that are joint.. though it is me paying each month, the ex pays nothing atm. I get tax credits for DS1 and child benefit. I am also on income support atm as I had taken a year out from university, but have now told them I will not be returning so now have bursary fee's and god knows what else

By maintanance do you mean money from the ex towards DS1? I do not see a penny from him, infact he has even sold the wedding rings and sold them... and in the first month of splitting I lent him money, which I have not seen back and never will.

Penelope_Penguin

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

I get housing benefits, I do not have to pay council tax though have big arrears that are joint.. though it is me paying each month, the ex pays nothing atm. I get tax credits for DS1 and child benefit. I am also on income support atm as I had taken a year out from university, but have now told them I will not be returning so now have bursary fee's and god knows what else

By maintanance do you mean money from the ex towards DS1? I do not see a penny from him, infact he has even sold the wedding rings and sold them... and in the first month of splitting I lent him money, which I have not seen back and never will.

Have you told tax credits of your change in circumstances?

If your CT arrears are in joint names that will be what's known as a "joint and several" debt. In other words, you're both responsible for the whole lot. If you're making payments, your LA will be less likely to chase your ex.

Your adviser will be able to look at your options for claiming maintenance from your ex, for the upbringing of his children and for you.

mumof1and1ontheway

Yes tax credits were made aware, as they stopped payments for a period because I had forgotten to sign the declaration and send it back, but all sorted now. Thats what the council told me... that if I pay every month and then left a bit at the end for him, I would still be just as liable to going to court as he was Seems rather unfair, but not much I can do.

With maintenance the csa calculators states he isnt liable to pay me anything anyway because he is on JSA??

Eager_Elephant

Hi,

I wonder how many years of Council Tax arrears you have?

My local council are very good and if a couple have split up they will let one pay one year and then chase the other for the other years until either the other person pays/makes arrangement or until the original person has paid off the year they were paying.

Obviously this does not get you out of paying the Council Tax but it could give you some leeway.

I may have missed the post about your ex but is he working or on benefits? If he is on some benefits and the council tax debt has been to court they may be able to attach to his benefits at £3.30 per week even if he refuses to pay.

EE