From Trash to Cash: the Dribbling never ends

evenstarcrafty

Just had message from DD2 being very reasonable saying she wants to go but......no money ,,,time
She makes time for everyone else
She told me the band was playing and she wanted to go so I dipped into my funds and got them as a treat ....now she hasnt time
She said she would pay for her ticket and asked how much...now normally I would say it didnt matter and not take money but i have just said ok and price
I wouldnt mind but because its always ok is why I get treat like that ....plus I have 12 nasty texts from her on my phone for my trouble
Other D snatched GD and stormed out shouting after I had looked after the baby for her for 4 days,done all the washing etc....didnt even get to kiss the baby bye which is upsetting

Thats gratitude for you

jo70mo

Even thats a great reaction from you just calmly letting her pay. not arguing but not being a doormat either.
Jo x

evenstarcrafty

jo70mo wrote: »

Even thats a great reaction from you just calmly letting her pay. not arguing but not being a doormat either.
Jo x

thanks felt like I might be being petty....see not sure how to handle things
Thought it would give her a shock as not usual reaction

jo70mo

Think if you had been shouting etc at same time it would be different but just being calm and accepting her offer also shows her that she can do things to make up for stuff if she feels shes acted in a way she now feels bad about. even if she doesn't feel bad about as much of it as you would like her too. shes tried to do something however small which is quite mature and you've accepted it.

evenstarcrafty

Do you get this
D2 has messaged me saying she will pay £50 for both tickets and to give them to D1 to go with friend
Ok.... but she was argueing she couldnt afford £14 return fare to glasgow....and didnt want to go with sister as she is a ******
bit of a turn around

jo70mo

maybe thats the result of just calmly accepting her offer. would just do the same again if you can without pointing out the inconsistencies etc
It is big of her to do that. I know she's caused you a lot of grief today but she seems to be working out how to try and sort it which seems quite a big step from what you've told me.
Jo x

jo70mo

maybe she just has an uneasy feeling about going with DD1 and that came out as excuses for not going. who knows.

evenstarcrafty

jo70mo wrote: »

maybe thats the result of just calmly accepting her offer. would just do the same again if you can without pointing out the inconsistencies etc
It is big of her to do that. I know she's caused you a lot of grief today but she seems to be working out how to try and sort it which seems quite a big step from what you've told me.
Jo x

Well she is
but she has anger issues I think needs dealing with, those texts are really vicious
I could never have talked to my mum that way

evenstarcrafty

jo70mo wrote: »

maybe she just has an uneasy feeling about going with DD1 and that came out as excuses for not going. who knows.

My guess is she spent to much time and money with BF and has assignments to do last minute
so instead of coming clean and offering to pay and let sister to go with friend she advertised tickets and caused a row and blamed other people
now guilty so doing what she should have done in first place

jo70mo

that could well be part of her starting to take more responsibility for her outbursts which is a step that would come before stopping them. she is obviously reflecting on her actions
You could build on that maybe by saying that while you found her earlier texts really hurtful you do apprciate that she is now trying to sort things out.
That may encourage her to lean more to that way of doing things.
of course only a suggestion and know you might not feel like it but often moments like this are the little opportunities to move things in the right direction..