Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

Firewalker

Right, true to my promise I will share a story that provides a possible way to regain our ability to dream and realise our dreams.

Some time ago, I mentioned that I am doing a course in NLP – neuro-linguistic programming. The basic premise of NLP is that if one does the same thing one gets the same outcome. So, if we would like a different outcome we have to change our behaviour, to change behaviour we have to change our values and beliefs as well as the way in which we express these – or our language structures. During the last session of this course, I learned about the secret of Walt Disney’s creativity and success.

Walt Disney started his career as a journalist – and was told that he will never be creative enough for that and sacked. After that he made it his mission to increase his level of creativity. Through observation and self analysis he figured out that there are three sides to all of us: a dreamer, a realist and a critic. Normally these are in an ad hoc conversation. For example:

The Dreamer: ‘I so much want to go across the US on a motorbike.’

The Critic: ‘You know that this is rubbish and completely impossible. You can’t ride a motorbike, you fall off your bike every two seconds and you need space to carry enough knickers. Such trip needs loads of time and planning – reading Zen and the art of... is no help, you know. Where is the money going to come from – you are broke, in case you have not noticed. Is it safe?’

Conversation over; dream over. One more thing to mention at parties as a candidate for my anthology of selected intentions.

Clever Walt noticed this one and thought ‘what would happen if the three sides talk in strict sequence: the dreamer goes first, after that the realist and only after the critic?’ And what happens is immensely powerful. Take a look at this one:

The Dreamer: ‘I so much want to go across the US on a motorbike. It would be lovely – a country lane, no traffic, dessert on both sides, the sun shining. I can smell the dust and feel little boy behind me, his arms around my waist. I can hear the gentle humming of a car behind me – OH driving with us and with all we need on the road.’

The Realist: ‘To do this you need a motorbike, you need to be able to take time off work and you need to plan the journey well. You will need also to learn to ride a motorbike and a driving licence. It will have to be a reliable, heavy motorbike – check how much it will cost. How much would be the flights? Etc.’

The Critic: ‘What can go wrong with this thing? Where are the holes in it? Protective gear is a must. Are you sure about little boy being on the motorbike with you? If yes he needs protective gear as well. Need health insurance that is for the US. Need to figure out what you all would like to experience, etc.’

See the difference? I am going to try and do this with a number of things and see how it goes.

Firewalker

Firewalker

Today is our wedding anniversary – eighteen years we have been married. This is a long time and we have come a long way.

I met my husband 19 years and four months ago. How? I did put an advertisement in a local magazine – had been here for over a year and had just had the most horrid Christmas ever. Christmas 1991, I was on my own, in a cold apartment, reading Huxley and listening to the Queen. That is when I realised that I have moved away from happy solitude to sad loneliness. And since I have never believed that there is a problem if there is no solution I cooked up a plan.

You know how many people who decide to meet people by publishing adverts describe themselves as ‘youthful’, ‘happy’, ‘cheerful’ ‘fun loving’ etc. Well not me. My advert had to convey my essence. So it read ‘It can be heaven, it can be hell but it will be interesting’. Sixteen answers arrived and these were ranked. OH was second – only because he is English. And there were no long term plans – in fact I was fairly open about the whole thing being for fun and me going back. As it happens, so many years later, three sons (two step-sons and one biological one) later, happiness and crises we are still having fun.

And guess what? Sometimes it is heaven, sometimes it is hell, it is always interesting. And OH can never complain – I did tell him so.

About today, we celebrated by having lunch out – it was great and as to the money, we will earn it somehow.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

I think you are amazing Firewalker. I am slowly flushing my life down the toilet, i am cutting myself off from people but i cannot stop it. I really dont know what i am doing sometimes. here's hoping tomorrow is a good day!

hugs, SW.

Firewalker

Hi SW,

hope today has been a good day so far. I am very sorry to hear that you have been cutting yourself off from people - you sound like a really sociable and interesting person. So, you cutting yourself off sound like such a waste that my new found MSE soul is starting to rumble.

Take care you. As to me, I am not so certain about amazing - one doze bloody-minded and two dozes foolish is the mixture that's needed. Everytime I start something new I think to myself 'this can't be that hard' and by the the time I realise how hard the thing really is it usually is too late to give up. Works with marathons, as well as with other life events.

Firewalker

scrooge2008

Firewalker wrote: »

Hi SW,

Take care you. As to me, I am not so certain about amazing - one doze bloody-minded and two dozes foolish is the mixture that's needed. Everytime I start something new I think to myself 'this can't be that hard' and by the the time I realise how hard the thing really is it usually is too late to give up. Works with marathons, as well as with other life events.

Firewalker

That really made me laugh Firewalker, it is so true.

I spend so long looking for easy options that are never there, and then when I take the tough route that works, I realise why I have been avoiding it for so long, when it's too late to back out.

Onwards and upwards.

SW, I agree with what Firewalker says. I am sure that if you continue looking you will find the answer, and that you've got the strength to see it through. I believe that when the 'pupil is ready the teacher appears'.

savingwannabe

Bless you and thank you both. At least now i know why I am weird. I am going to start to rejoin the human race again pretty soon.

Weather is glorious, I am marking coursework in the garden. I cannot believe half term is almost over but what a wonderful, beautiful day. I hope you are enjoying yourselves.

Firewalker

This morning I was woken up by the news on Radio 4 – the presenter was quoting David Cameron saying that the new emergency budget will change our life style for decades to come. What the hell is wrong with breakfast in bed?

Feel rather disturbed actually – interestingly enough this time I am not thinking about us or me, but about all young people and children in the UK. Feel fearful that Cameron really means it and essential public services will be cut – in which case their lives will be really severely affected. There is, of course, the option that he is blowing the whole thing up so that he looks good by comparison – in which case what a total slime bag.

Where is my crystal ball? Oh well...Whatever happens I still have to work – if anyone in the public sector still has jobs that is.

Firewalker

Firewalker

Today has been a good day so far – and a NSD at that, which I will have to put on the relevant thread later. I am not a wimp – well I am about anything medical which is rather ironic given that I’ve had four major abdominal operations – most of the time. I don’t shy a challenge and I don’t mind change. How am I to explain this morning’s post? I hate treats, I dislike bravado and offloading blame to previous governments really gets me cross. Funny! The whole world is in trouble and each and every national government blames the previous government for this. How about transnational institutions? Could there be something there?

In any case, waking up to horrid news is not what I need at the moment. But rant over. Radio problem will be solved – OH has promised to set it to Radio 3, so that we can wake up to nice music rather than vile news. After breakfast and a nice cup of coffee I suppose I will be ready to listen to the news and to read BBC website and newspapers.

Now it is time for my weekly update, which is ever so slightly late. Problem is not the finance but the dreaded scales – I did not go on them yesterday and have not done it today. Keep forgetting – which as every good Freudian knows is not an accident. Why does it bother me so much is something that I will have to figure out during the next day or so.

Our total spend last week is £110.73. This is not so bad given that it was half term and as most of us know half term is very spending time. Even more importantly this includes the bill for the emergency visit to the osteopath of £36 – I know, pricey but really could not do without it. At least now I am in almost full working order, can sit down and write and don’t hobble about on a walking stick.

When I was younger, I thought that it is very unfair that older people earn generally more than young people. ‘Young people need money to have fun’, I thought. Little did I know, that older people need loads of money just to keep going. Life – from spending on drinks and night clubs to spending on spectacles, osteopath and hair colour. But as said before – I am determined to defeat the aging process. Just have to figure out how.

Tonight we will have homemade pizza and homemade ice-cream for dinner. Now I am starting to see why I repeatedly shy away from the scales...And later will go to see a friend – have not seen her for ages; great – loads of catching up to do.

Firewalker

Firewalker

Sitting here being good – which means that I am not drinking a glass of wine but a cup of green tea. Apparently, green tea is very good for you particularly after a generous dinner of lasagne. But more to the point, my working day had not ended yet. But first things first - and a bit of a recap on events past.

Had a wonderful evening last night with my friend – she is the kind of friend who I don’t see for months but when we meet it is always as if we were together the day before. Had a good old chat and catch up and I was very happy to know that she is doing well. Cycling home was a bit of a problem with all the wine we had, the wet slippery roads and the occasional walking drunk person. But I am here, safe and sound.

Today was one of these days when a lot of little things get done but nothing very substantial. Interestingly enough when I focus on big important things during the day, I end up worrying about the little things at mid-night – when frankly there is nothing to be done about them. On the other hand, when I do the little things during the day I end up with a feeling that nothing has been accomplished. But this is me, I suppose – discontent is my middle name.

Had my haircut which is not very MSE but makes me feel really human. I suppose, having a really good haircut is one of my protected areas. The way I see it, every morning one should be able to look in the mirror with recognition not loathing. So it is important.

Now I must get back to work but tomorrow I would like to recap on where I stand on learning to control money.

Firewalker

Firewalker

No green tea for me tonight – tonight I am drinking brandy. Alcohol is good, I find, because it works both ways; alcohol is there for celebration and alcohol is there for consolation. Not much to celebrate tonight; in fact OH just stormed out of the room and went upstairs to his best friend – and I am here with mine.

How many people think that I am being unreasonable thinking that it is shameful to have to completely support a 26 (soon to be 27) year old young man who is unemployed and contributes £40 per month for his keep? Yes, the labour market is doggy at the moment and this is why we asked him to help maintaining a website we are trying to get off the ground while we do paid work. What happens – young man thinks that this is optional and spends his time doing God know what. OH shouts at me but says nothing to young man.

So stuff it – a drink of brandy, my computer and my thoughts it will be tonight.

But let me get back to the point – this diary after all is about me learning to be the subject rather than the object in my relationship with money. Tonight I would just like to recap what has been emerging. Here it goes:

1. One’s financial health is defined by the ratio between one’s income and one’s expenditure. Absolute numbers have no meaning.
2. Similarly, one’s absolute level of debt is meaningless. What is important is the ratio of income to debt. Last night I learned that the owners of Manchester United have a debt of 1.2 billion dollars – a number of which most normal people do not even have a concept.
3. To achieve financial health one ought to: a) increase the difference between income and expenditure; and b) ensure that increasing proportion of income comes not from labour but from assets;
4. Increasing the difference between income and expenditure is achieved by two means: a) decrease or maintain the level of expenditure; and b) increase the level of income.
5. Controlling money is about controlling both expenditure and income.
6. When one is in debt, more often than not cutting down expenditure comes first. Cutting down expenditure includes: a) lowering the cost of constant expenditure (housing, bills and utilities, telephony, cars, loans etc.) or lowering the cost of one’s liabilities; and b) lowering the cost of variable expenditure (clothes, personal care, food, drink, entertainment etc.).
7. Most constant expenditure, or liabilities, cannot be avoided – so the only way to reduce it is to look for competitive prices. Example: if one has a car one needs insurance.
8. Variable expenditure is much more interesting than constant expenditure. Reducing this is a combination between downgrading (where the skill is in achieving comparable quality for lower cost) and cutting out things.
9. Downgrading with little loss of quality demands ingenuity – some people on this site have transformed this into an art-form. Literally.
10. Cutting out things requires considerable knowledge of one-self and self control.
11. Controlling expenditure, particularly cutting out things, is not about ‘needs’ but about ‘wants’.
12. The wants of each of us are in a hierarchy – there is a core of few very important wants and a large periphery of low ranking wants.
13. It is imperative to work out our hierarchy of wants – failing to do so will generate feelings of unhappiness, deprivation, depression and ultimately failure to control expenditure.
14. There are techniques to work out one’s hierarchy of wants.
15. High ranking wants should be protected. These will be very different for different people – one person’s luxury can be another person’s protected want.

I did work out my protected wants and these are: gadgets, running, books and cleanliness. I also know that although clothes and shoes are important for me I like practical stuff. So all dressy shoes and evening gowns are going to go; I will wear the practical stuff I have but no more will be bought – not sufficiently important want. And so on...

Until now I have done loads of thinking about controlling expenditure. In the future I intent to shift my focus to two things: a) putting some flash on the expenditure skeleton (working out some detail) and b) the income part of the equation. Very likely there will still be ramblings as well.

This got very long but can’t resist ending with the saying for today.

“Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” – Oscar Wilde

Firewalker