Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

Firewalker

Just back from a friend’s house – the same friend who ran the 10K – where we had an impromptu BBQ. It was lovely – for the first time in ages I felt completely relaxed and totally at piece. Two little boys were playing; grownups were discussing life and politics. Might not need to search books on psychology after all...

But in the midst of discussing politics, relationships and the next budget one or other of us will mention the things we would really like to do. And as a rule the things we would like to do have very little in common with the things we are actually doing for living. I, for instance, if I did not have to earn the keep of the family would write self help books, novels and have a go at stand up comedy. My friend, a civil engineer, dreams of being an art historian. OH who does statistics and computing would do photography and study languages.

What is stopping us? What is stopping us is the belief that it is impossible to live our dreams. Because we have to work, we have to try and keep our houses, pay our debts and save for our future...

Is there a way out of this?

Firewalker

Buffythedebtslayer

I read, but don't post Firewalker, I wonder exactly the same thing.

just wanted to say I really like reading your diary, if you come up with any answer let me know!
xxx

savingwannabe

Take comfort in this poem, it is like a mantra on Mouseann's thread. Jinny told us about it:


Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple


By Jenny Joseph
[IMG]http://labyrinth_3.tripod.com/herbgarland.gif[/IMG]

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired
and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
and run my stick along the public railings
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other people's gardens
and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
and eat three pounds of sausages at a go
or only bread and pickles for a week
and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

ninky_2

Firewalker wrote: »

I have come to the conclusion that although I have managed to amass considerable amount of possessions, possession of things does not interest me. If I allow myself to think that I am cycling around to save for something it is likely I am not going to last even a week. What keeps me going is the multitude of displacements I am perfecting. I cycle because it keeps me fit and because when we run out of petrol I’ll be prepared. I cook because it is healthier for us. I do the weekly accounts because it is good to know. And so on...This is why, when I get rid of this debt I am going on a motorcycle across America – with little boy behind me and OH in a Cadillac following.

love this post firewalker. although i wouldn't use the term 'spiritual' as an opposite to 'materialistic'. it sounds too religious for my liking - but i think i know what you mean.

i too am more interested in doing than having. someone once said to me the main point of life is to make memories. doing enables us to make more memories. but sometimes having is an important part of the process too. for example, even your american dream involves 2 very key possessions - a motorcycle and a cadillac.

one of my doing dreams is sailing. a couple of years ago i realised a dream of owning a small sailboat. having that boat made me more materialistic than i'd ever felt i think - even though it was a very inexpensive boat as yachts go - less the 2k. i could lie in her and look at pictures of her and it would just make me happy. i was happy to own her.

many of the possessions we are encouraged to buy have a doing dream attached to them via advertising. cars are sold on unrealistically empty mountain roads - as if owning them will magically transform the dull traffic clogged daily commute. sportswear is sold to people who rarely see a running track or ski slope. hardly ever is a product sold on what it does - but rather on the things it suggests you will somehow 'do' if you own it (sunny lunches with family and friends if you eat this yoghurt, the clothes that will make you life a glamourous lifestyle).

the clever spender of course sees through to their true 'doing' desires and only buys stuff that really lets these become possible. rather than the myths of advertisers

Firewalker

Thanks for your messages, guys...

SW, thanks for the poem – although I have read it before it was a great pleasure to re-read it (and to have to keep). Every time I think about this poem, I hear Jo Brand’s voice saying: ‘Stuff wearing purple! When I am old I’ll be purple.’

Ninky, plethora of interesting points you raise in your message. You are right on both counts – ‘spiritual’ is probably not a good way to call this and I have been simplifying the relationship between possessions and happenings somewhat. The latter problem also shows in the exercise involving the things one takes (trying to figure out one’s core ‘wants’). Will have to think about this but as a first reaction, how about possessions as ‘ends’ and possessions as ‘means’. This would imply that objects can be any – so one can desire a state of the art camera because ‘everyone else has one’ or because it will allow them to enjoy photography more. Or chose to buy a motorbike to go across the US instead of keeping a large house?

It seems to me that your boat is a good example – what seems to have mattered is the experience of sailing and the boat was the means for that. An interesting question is what is the significance of sailing? Is it the feeling of freedom, the vastness of the sea, the calmness of water?

Now my news. I was planning a great day full of activity and fun for me and little boy. Last night, after finishing my daily post I somehow managed to do my back – so bad that I fell on the kitchen floor and poor OH had to drag me upstairs. The pain is so bad that I didn’t manage to sleep much and now am on a regime of frozen peas every 30 min. or so. Seeing an osteopath in the afternoon – the discomfort of bad back by far outweighs the fear of my bones being cracked.

But I am a fit marathon runner...what is wrong? Could it be time to start wearing purple?

Firewalker

ninky_2

Firewalker wrote: »

. An interesting question is what is the significance of sailing? Is it the feeling of freedom, the vastness of the sea, the calmness of water?

why i love sailing is something i could go on about for a very long time....

it is definitely freedom. at the moment anyone can own a boat and sail it (you don't have to pass anything to do so). although some of the freedoms are gradually being eroded (soon you will have to sign up online about any trips you plan overseas) - there are still many more than on land. you have to take responsibility for yourself and your decisions. there is the magical feeling of sailing using only the power of the wind (nature's energy). the sea and conditions are ever changing. you have to learn about tides - especially in the uk where they can make the difference between being able to enter a harbour or not. you have to be careful with your resources such as fresh water - on a boat they are limited and everything must be taken onto and off the boat. it makes you feel very connected to the planet in a very real way. sailing for a day and finding a safe anchorage, cooking simply and sleeping with nothing but the sound of the water...it is bliss.

ninky_2

a link to a very good film here that gives a wise perspective on the current human obsession with "stuff". it's worth 20 minutes of watching imho.

http://www.blogher.com/its-about-community-interview-annie-leonard

savingwannabe

Superb, I was thinking of this very website link when i read Ninky's post. I showed this to my economics students a few months ago. It opened my eyes. Some of the kids understood something and joined in a debate about the need to own the latest mobile phone others thought it was something for 'old people' but now that they have a glimpse of this school of thought they may go back to revisit it at a later point. That is the beauty of education - it never ends!!!

I do love this thread. Ninky your view of sailing are like my dear friend Mr Steinbeck's. You have made my day.

Firewalker, rest poppet. I hope your back will get better soon use the time to dream about the future when we will all be pinching flowers, setting off alarms in shops etc!!!!!

Firewalker

Just watched the film - splendid. Thanks for the link.

Now off to see osteopath.

Firewalker

Firewalker

Several days ago, having noticed yet again that most of us seem to be doing things they don’t really enjoy most of the time, I posed the questions ‘what is stopping us’ and ‘can we do anything to change this’. Today, I heard on the radio about a new profession – electronic games player. And guess what – some young men in the US and South Korea make very decent living doing that. The top ‘gamer’ is an American guy who once made $150,000 over a weekend. But guess what – he says ‘I am at the top because I work hard for it’. Others say that he has a meticulously detailed training plan to which he sticks religiously – in fact trying to train with him was nearly impossible.

I find this very interesting on two counts. First, to be the best always takes hard work, dedication, discipline and military precision. And it doesn’t seem to matter whether one is does sports, writing, music, painting, cooking, public speaking or plays electronic games. And second, if one has the courage to dream and the intelligence to plan their dreams ‘impossible is nothing’, just like Adidas say.

Which very neatly brings me to what is stopping us – I suspect it is the fact that ‘dreaming’ is one of the first things to be knocked out of us. How many among us have an early childhood memory of being told ‘Stop dreaming and get dressed (or washed)’? I remember being told this – and I was probably no more than three years old. Have been told ‘stop dreaming’ repeatedly throughout my life. And thus, we learn to contain and denounce our dreams. Think back – how many times during the last week you thought of doing something different and a voice in your head said ‘but of course this cannot be done’?

I came across a way to change this and will share it tomorrow. I bet there are other ways as well.

BTW, my back is better but still painful. Pottering about the house when what I really want to do is have a run.

Firewalker