Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

Firewalker

On Wednesday evening I did two incredibly difficult pieces of writing. And no, this were not papers that will shake the world of social science (I have given up on this one anyway and am very aware that my work as social scientist if anything makes people’s life worse) or stories that will win a literary award. These were two e-mail messages – one to the wife of my colleague who passed away and the other one to a friend of mine who is feeling a bit down at the moment. In both cases I had to say how I feel – and as a self confessed high scorer I do find this really hard.

Last night, just before I went to bed, I decided to check my e-mail. There was a reply from my colleague’s wife. And something she said made me think. She said ‘It was all so unexpected and there are so many things we never said to each other; we were so busy.’

We are all very busy and we keep busy. But is keeping busy another way to disregard our own mortality? We keep busy and we postpone doing things and having important conversations because deep down we believe that we are immortal and out time on this planet and with these people is unlimited? What will change if we re-visit what we do, and what keep us busy form the point of view of our mortality?

If I am staring Death in the face:

· What would be the thing(s) I will regret not having done?
· Who would I have spent my time with?
· What are the conversations I should have had?

I don’t know the answer; surprisingly I find it very hard. But I will be thinking about this.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

I will too.

savingwannabe

I have been thinking about this at first I was a little melancholy about things I could not change but 3Dogs said we need to look forward and look at the present not at the past and be like Edith Piaf and say 'non je regrette rien'. I am grateful for my friends at MSE they have helped me to see this. I don't have any regrets about the past instead I am sure I will have a happy future and you will too Firewalker. The future is looking good my friend.

One of my favourite songs Dignity by Deacon Blue for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4OBzH-NWtU

There's a man I meet
Walks up our street
He's a worker for the council
Has been twenty years
And he takes no lip off nobody
And litter off the gutter
Puts it in a bag
And never thinks to mutter
And he packs his lunch in a Sunblest bag
The children call him Bogie
He never lets on
But I know 'cause he once told me
He let me know a secret
About the money in his kitty
He's gonna buy a dinghy
Gonna call her Dignity

And I'll sail her up the west coast
Through villages and towns
I'll be on my holidays
They'll be doing their rounds
They'll ask me how I got her I'll say
I saved my money
They'll say isn't she pretty
That ship called Dignity

And I'm telling this story
In a faraway scene
Sipping down Raki
And reading Maynard Keynes
And I'm thinking about home
And all that means
And a place in the winter
For Dignity

And I'll sail her up the west coast
Through villages and towns
I'll be on my holidays
They'll be doing their rounds
They'll ask me how I got her I'll say
I saved my money
They'll say isn't she pretty
That ship called Dignity

Set it up set it up set it up set it up set it up set it up
Yeah set it up again set it up again set it up again set it up again
Set it up set it up set it up set it up set it up set it up
Yeah set it up again set it up again set it up again set it up again

And I'm thinking about home
And I'm thinking about faith
And I'm thinking about work
And I'm thinking
How good it would be
To be here some day
On a ship called Dignity
A ship called Dignity
That ship

Firewalker

What a great song; thank you SW. As to the questions and the regrets I have been thinking. And although I agree with 3Dogs that we should look to the future and not focus on regret there is a different take on this one. Edith Piaf sang that she regrets nothis but she lived so that I doubt on her death bed she regretted not doing something she really would have wanted to do. She is also the woman who said that she always knits a jumper for her lovers but have never finished one - because she loves faster than she knits.

How many people on here can stand up and honestly claim that they live so that theu won't have regrets? People should not regret the things they have done; I am talking about regretting that we have not done something.

Some of my hypothetical regrets:

I never walked around New York and Washington with my OH.
I never changed one persons life.
I never tested myself - kept to the safe out of fear.
I did not have much fun with Liitle Boy.
I never saw the pyramids in sunset; or the rest of Egypt.
I never danced flamenco with the gypsies.

And so on...

Once I manage to come up with a list that is comprehensive enough I am going to rank these regrets. Then I'll calculate how much time I realistically think I have left - how many weekend, how many winters and summers etc. And get on with it.

My aim would be to be able to die thinking - I did many silly things in my life and made many mistake but I don't regret those. They helped me grow. And then be able to list the things I regret not doing on the fingers of one hand. But by the time I get there I would have lived an exciting life.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Firewalker wrote: »

What a great song; thank you SW. As to the questions and the regrets I have been thinking. And although I agree with 3Dogs that we should look to the future and not focus on regret there is a different take on this one. Edith Piaf sang that she regrets nothis but she lived so that I doubt on her death bed she regretted not doing something she really would have wanted to do. She is also the woman who said that she always knits a jumper for her lovers but have never finished one - because she loves faster than she knits.

How many people on here can stand up and honestly claim that they live so that theu won't have regrets? People should not regret the things they have done; I am talking about regretting that we have not done something.

Some of my hypothetical regrets:

I never walked around New York and Washington with my OH.
I never changed one persons life.
I never tested myself - kept to the safe out of fear.
I did not have much fun with Liitle Boy.
I never saw the pyramids in sunset; or the rest of Egypt.
I never danced flamenco with the gypsies.

And so on...

Once I manage to come up with a list that is comprehensive enough I am going to rank these regrets. Then I'll calculate how much time I realistically think I have left - how many weekend, how many winters and summers etc. And get on with it.

My aim would be to be able to die thinking - I did many silly things in my life and made many mistake but I don't regret those. They helped me grow. And then be able to list the things I regret not doing on the fingers of one hand. But by the time I get there I would have lived an exciting life.

Firewalker

Do you know how many times i have been at a low and reading your thread has scraped me off the floor and given me hope and peace? I dont think it is just me. We love your thread Firewalker, you give me peace, comfort, hope and friendship.You change my life every day.

MrsMoo2U

What SW says is so true. You change peoples lives everyday, not only in your work but here on MSE.

Hello. Sorry I cant comment too much. I am getting ready to go to the wedding but while waiting for Mr C thought I would check the diaries. Your post above reminded me of something that I often come back to and then, every now and then need a reminder of it
http://www.landofmarbles.com/marbles-1000marbles.html

It brings me up short every time. I must get a jar and some marbles.

savingwannabe

Brilliant.

Memory_Girl

I have a jar of marbles sittin here - with a marble in it for every weekend since DS1 was born until he is 16.

Makes me weep to see how few weekends I have left with my little boy - and how few there are until he is classed as a man.

Time to plan some adventures I think

MG

Firewalker

Looks like I am going to be buying marbles. I like this one - and I will make a comprehensive list of things that I will regret not doing.

We are just back from Little Boy's birthday party. It was good - in a swimming pool, loads of children, we cooked what I though is a lot of food but it all got eaten. Now he has a friend for a sleep over.

Today was my first big failure with my brand new Panasonic bread maker - made rye bread and it was not eadible. Does anyone here knows how to do this and what went wrong; I followed the recepie but...

Also my blog has attracted 5 followers; OK one of them is OH but still...not bed going. Now will have a spot of dinner and will write another piece for it.

Speak soon...

Firewalker

Memory_Girl

Firewalker wrote: »

Some of my hypothetical regrets:

I never walked around New York and Washington with my OH.
I never changed one persons life.
I never tested myself - kept to the safe out of fear.
I did not have much fun with Liitle Boy.
I never saw the pyramids in sunset; or the rest of Egypt.
I never danced flamenco with the gypsies.


Firewalker

Yet!!!!
You've only not done them YET!!!!!

MG