i just don't know what to do

SouthCoast

Sorry to say this, but:

"Leopards don't change their spots"

happyhaddock_2

Hi LB just wanted to send hugs and say I hope you get it sorted. I thnk you will have to try to get him to face the fact that it's not just his money to spend, it has a negative effect on all of you and it's not fair on you and the kids:(. Good luck:)

psychopathbabble

Hey Little Blackbird
Unfortunately I have no advice to give, but lots of other people will probably be able to help.
Just wanted to send hugs and hope you get him to face up to it xxx

little_blackbird

Thank you so much for all your replies.

I've had a few hours to calm down.

I finally got through to hubby at work. He's working away at the moment- I left him an awful lot of angry messages accusing him doing all sorts of things.

So he said lots of stuff- and didn't try to excuse it. Which completely blew me away. Normally he puts it down to something else- always an excuse, sorry (Its Christmas.. etc), but this time he's actually come out and said its a problem- its not just him not paying attention, or going over-budget, or whatever, he just can't stop spending on anything.

It hadn't been bad until recently because I had all the cash cards. But that was when we were in debt. Often when he'd splurge it'd be on things that I would have no problem with if we hadn't been in debt- even a magazine or the odd night-out would freak me out. But I let him off the leash.

I didn't think I was gonna have a shopaholic for a husband- i was expecting gambling.
I'm feeling a little numb, not sure how to react to this.

In terms of our finances:

Fortunately he's just upped the SO to my account- so I'll have enough money to pay everything, whether he reforms or not.

I guess I have to wait and see what he says on Wednesday. he wants to talk face to face. I just don't know what to think. Said I might need a few days away to sort my head out, which he understands.

The debt was on our overdrafts- he completely splurged on his, and I was waiting for some more cash from him to cover some extra stuff I'd bought for the house on mine.

I'm not sure if I've got the energy to do all this debt-free thing again. He says he wants to change- but I suppose I'll know how serious he is, if he shrugs off suggestions for counselling, or whether he's prepared to let me have the cash card until he's sorted.

I just hope this might be it, I've honestly never heard him say all this stuff before. Honestly! But its been good to share it- because its making me step back from the situation. So I'm going to be prepared.

Thanks again

Little Blackbird

But I think NargleBlast you're right- it is his problem and if he gets into debt, he gets into debt. I can't keep "saving" him like this. I think I've always done it before because I didn't want to damage our credit rating for when we get a mortgage (one day!), or be liable for a load of debts should anything bad happened. I just wanted it all gone- didn't really focus on there being a serious problem, just thought we were just struggling- run of bad luck, bit of reckless spending etc.

Thanks again for reading- I'll let you know what he says on Wednesday.

Nargleblast

Well that sounds promising, LB, he has actually admitted he has a problem. I would suggest you put to him the suggestion I made, i.e. his own bank account for his personal spending, and 2 accounts in your own name, one for personal use and one for household bills. Ideally he would cancel any overdraft facility too, but probably the bank would end up cancelling it for him. You could help him find ways of spreading his allocated funds evenly over the month, and maybe teach him how to make his cash go a bit further, but that's a bit further down the line. For now, be thankful he has admitted his problem and take it from there. good luck.

katsu

Just wanted to say good luck. I think the suggestion that he gets an account with no overdraft (a basic bank account?) and then does a SO for the day after payday to you of the bills money, then has his "splash cash" left, might be worth you trying it.

I feel for you.

Nargleblast

Keep in touch, let us know how you get on.

Buffythedebtslayer

Little Blackbird, that sounds rough, better now with your second post. I think Narlgeblast is talking sense.

Make sure you protect your credit rating - you never know what might happen in the future in terms of the economy you might be able to get a mortgage in just your name if he doesn't sort himself out

take care xxxx

stroppyjock

Good luck LB hope all goes well on Wednesday.

ladybez

LB< having "been there, still wearing the T-shirt" I know how you feel. It is so hard when you ae trying to make sure your finances are in order and OH doesn't seem be on board, mine is still spending as ever (another story!). Your last post sounds more promising though and I wish you good luck for Wednesday. In the meantime, I would look into Narge's suggestion about your accounts. It may well be important for you to protect yourself and you children for what may lie ahead.
Take care and keep posting