Unsure of my future

Sam-Barr

I have the most wonderful and caring partner in the whole world and I wouldn't trade him for anything but recently I have been contemplating my future and where my life is heading.

Everyone I know who is in a relationship, both people work, bring in wage and allow them to live their lives together quite easily.
My partner has health issues and cannot work and I feel a huge burden as the only working one.
I fear we may never have a house together, mortgage, nice cars, kids and that perhaps even I will become his carer within a few years and my life drastically changed and perhaps his life a short one. I pray this not to be the case.
This sounds so utterly selfish, I'm sorry I'm just blurting out the thoughts in my head.
I never imagined my life like this but I adore him and would never abandon him for something as stupid as the want of a bigger house.
Guess I just wanted a rant.

arbroath_lass

Aww Sam I couldn't read and run so sending you a big hug. Does OH have outside support? I think maybe you need to speak to your GP or ask through his support network and get some help/support for yourself. Maybe you could talk to others in a similar situation to you?

I wish you all the best.

southoftheriver

I really doubt that you are the only person in your situation who has felt like this, don't feel bad for venting. Everything you have said are legitimate concerns and even though you know you adore your OH, it is natural to worry about the future.

No real advice sorry, but don't beat yourself up for expressing your fears.

Sam-Barr

Thank you so much!
I have tried to talk with my family about these things but they are of the mind that I should leave him because he is, in their skewed view, unable to provide for me and any potential family we create. Takes a lot of restraint from me not to blurt out and tell them that my partner is infertile. I guess at the end of the day they just don't want to see me hurt.
My partner is a very private person, the only person he truly opens up to is me and I am hoping that our recent discussions will make him realise how much pressure this is putting on me.

belfastgirl23

It's the good thing about boards like this is that you can say the things that are unsayable in RL. It's hard to know what to suggest though, only you can know whether you love him enough to be able to carry on through the hard times that may be ahead. And whether giving up on having children is something you can live with or not.

In any case you're right to try to think it through now, if you were thinking you might want a fresh start, earlier would be better for him as well as you.

I would add though that no one knows what they sign up for in relationships. When I started with DH neither of us had two beans to rub together and I would really have thought of us both, I would be the one with the career. And yes I do have one but his actually took off in a way neither of us would have dreamed of. That's a positive example but down the line I could be in your shoes too. Life is uncertain.

Which is probably not helpful at all but just observing it.

Keep posting if it helps you to think through your feelings.

Jo_R_2

It is certainly not as big a health issue for me but for the last couple of years I haven't been 'able' to work. I suffered with depression even before my work finished, and my psychiatrist even up til now when I saw him last week always made sure I wasn't planning on going back to work 'yet' (whenever that is.)

My OH works, long hours in a job he doesn't like, he says is dead-end, but does it because we have a family and sees it as his job to provide. I can't tell you how it's made me feel especially recently, our family is getting bigger and we'd both love nothing more than to be able to buy our own house, for me to earn as well but it's just not feasible. It's a massive weight on my shoulders knowing it's because of me (although the difference here is that hopefully I will be able to in the next couple of years but it may be a slow start back.)

I don't think there is anything wrong with being honest about how you feel. You say you have spoken to your partner but I get the impression it hasn't maybe been the 'whole' truth for fear of hurting him?

Lotus-eater

What do you want him to do Sam?

He can't work and he can't have kids, it seems you or he can't change that.

This is a situation you have to come to terms with, if you can't, it may be better to move on now, rather than let any resentment build.
Everyone has to make their own life choices, with all the information and feelings they have to hand.

tabskitten

Sam it is great that you are being honest about this now.
Because there will be a solution - and identifying the problem is the first step at working out what you can do.
You love your partner - and vice versa- this is important in life.

So are other things through. You need to work out if you can afford to forward your career and have in place backup plans for care for your partner ahould you not be able to be there all the time.
Have you talked to your partner about any of this- the children thing too.
You need to talk at a time you can do it calmly and not make your partner feel guilty- but you do need to sort things out or you might resent it in the future.

There is a solution to how you can have all these things and your partner- just need to find it

first identify the MOST important things that YOU want to do with YOUR life. discuss this with your OH and also things that your OH want s to do with their life.