Need advice ASAP talking to ds teacher in the morning RE bullying

lisa.m_3

I'm at my wits end, my ds is being bullied repeatedly by the same boy at school in reception class, they are 4 years old.

We had problems with this boy since school began in September, slowly things got serious between them, this boy took such a liking to my son he wouldn't let him play with anyone else, if he did he was punched or kicked, this dyed down once I complained and my ds was able to branch out to other children, the bully was not pleased with this and last two weeks ago when my ds was playing with his friends, the bully and his sidekick pushed my ds too the ground, the bully was stamping on his head the other boy jumping on him. The boys were told off by the head, I was not told of this until my ds told me when we were walking home.

I had a word with the teacher I was not happy and cried on the phone she told me her plan of separating them, it worked for a week then the bully was at it again last Friday repeatedly punched my ds in the face, the bully was told off by the deputy head, the school told me this time said they were more concerned my ds didn't tell the teacher and let this happen, my ds said he was to scared to move and is to shy to tell teachers.

His teacher told me that the bully will stay in the little playground and my ds in the big playground, they will be separated in class and if it happens again it will go to the head, and I shouldn't worry.

Now ds has waited till bedtime to tell me the bully went to get him again today but he ran buy a teacher and the bully ran away, my ds didnt speak to the teacher(as he is shy) although we have encouraged him more than you can believe.

Now I am annoyed, the bully is supposed to be in the little playground, why was he in the big one? They will prob go one that ds didn't tell a teacher/playground supervisor but every child matters-if my ds is shy they should be encourage and helping him.

I'm going to school early to see his teacher, I really want to know what to say to her, I have a few suggestions but am afraid I'm going to lose it this time (lost it a bit the 2nd time) I'm fed up, what is the point in sending him to the school if they are not going to help him, why have the 'rules' been broken(of the bully in the other playground)

I know another thing they will mention that the bully and my ds were briefly friends this week, they will also mention my ds tends to follow the bully.

I don't know what to do, I have really tried to be brief writing this, obviously I have been into the school many times and spoke about this, and I encourage my ds to talk, tell teachers etc

Please help:(

Madmel

I quite understand your concern, it's a horrible situation.

It sounds like the school has at least tried to do something, albeit not very successfully. They have listened to you in the past so don't worry about going in and saying that it isn't working.

One solution might be an older child with whom your DS feels confident & comfortable. If DS is being picked on, perhaps the older child could help by taking him to the teacher. In my own kids' school, they are in *houses* and the oldest children are partly responsible for the little ones in their *house*. It has encouraged my y6 DD to look for strategies for dealing with problems.

Or could your DS have a laminated card which he could bring out and show to the teacher in the playground if he feels the bully is causing a problem. He doesn't have to speak to the teacher but could just show the card.

I have found that just going in to school mouthing off (not that I'm suggesting for a minute that's what you are doing!) is a bad idea. It gets everyone's back up and that's not what your DS needs. But if you go in with one or two suggestions, even if the school rejects them, you are being constructive and trying to work WITH them to solve the problem. You have a much better chance of getting what you want.

If it's any consolation, I was in last Friday about DD2 being bullied. By Monday, she had decided that she had had enough and battered the perpetrator :eek:. Not quite the solution I wanted, but the name-calling stopped immediately...!

Wishing you all the best with it.

tabskitten

could you talk to the bullies parents?

(calmly)

missindecisive

your poor child. not a good start to school life by the sounds of it.
if it was me, this is what I would do.

go and see the head. ask him/her exactly what they are going to do about it. Has the bully's parents been informed of the bad behaviour? what actions are going to be put in place to stop this happening again?
has the welfare staff been informed of what's going on? (the class teacher may not always be on the yard at lunchtimes etc)

if you have no joy I would seriously consider removing your child from the school. your head master/mistress will have to explain why you have took that decision- believe me they won't want it on their records that they hav'nt been able to deal with this situation. good luck

cheepskate_2

lisa.m wrote: »

they will also mention my ds tends to follow the bully.

Please help:(

Why does he do this ? Is this inflaming the situation ? Taking away everything else, you have to deal with this issue as that is relevant to your child and will be in any situation he is in with any bully.

On the bullying If it was me I would start putting everything in writting as least then it is a tracable account of what the school are doing.

jopsey

Lisa.m. my heart goes out to you it really does ,we are having some problems with an issue of bulling my son is also in reception class and it is horrible to think that this is happening at such a young age (or any age to be honest ) more than once in the last few weeks I have ended up in tears (not helped by the fact I am heavily preg )
please feel free to PM me anytime

Lotus-eater

We had a slight problem like this with our DD, being bullied myself I know how debilitating it can be, so I wanted it sorted asap.
We encouraged DD to trust her teacher and tell her everything that happened, not to hold anything in, that's the worst thing that could happen. To talk to her anytime, the teacher sat her down and had a lovely chat with her, she would I'm sure have given her a hug, had they been allowed to do it.
It took some work and a great teacher, but the school dealt with it very very well. Teachers were informed and kept an eye on her.

We're lucky the school is small and excellently run, her class that year was tiny. The school looks after it's pupils extremely well and even has a system that if any child is alone in the playground, they can go and stand in a special place and another pupil will always come straight over and take them to play with them. The older ones will look after the younger ones and there is a zero tolerance to bullying.
Problem pupils are given extra help and not given up on.

I would talk to the head, find out what they are doing, what they plan to do to sort it out and what their polices are re bullying.
Talk to his teacher as well and try to get all of you together, so he can be included and reassured that he will be looked after, can trust his teacher and he has not done anything wrong.

tompointer

My heart goes out to you, this is a horrible thing to happen.

My daughter was bullied when in reception class by some year 6 girls. This was going on for weeks before my little girl finally broke down and told me.

I told her teacher who promised to act on this, but nothing happened so I wrote a letter to the headteacher who then asked us in for a meeting.
The school seemed to be taking the matter seriously and wrote to the bullies parents, but my daughter was still given dirty looks in assembly and was too scared to run around at playtime.
I then found out that the dinner ladies didn't know about the situation so I went up the school everyday at lunchtime to spy.
To my horror I actually seen my daughter getting picked on.

I immediately removed her from the school and phoned the education dept. to get her moved to another school.
I had to do this because I couldn't trust the teachers.
Everythings fine now. Even though I have to drive to her new school its well worth it.

I think your childs teachers have had long enough to deal with this.
I wouldn't give them another chance.

Bufger

i saw this situation occur at school and it evolved into the parents hating each other and eventually one parent beating the living daylights out of the other infront of loads of kids on the school premises.

Its important to work with the school on this and if that really does fail to work write a letter to the head and the governers detailing everything that has happened, everything the school has put in place and everything that is continuing since these 'fixes'. Its not good for your childs insecurity and its very important that the bully realises he cant use violence, if the school play this problem down they are failing your child and you should let them know this. (only if all else fails).

Personally i think that school sounds poor, once you experience a good school with proactive teaching you will realise although these things happen they very rarely happen more than once (and most certainly not 4+ times!).