Lodgers - Am I being unreasonable?

Saffy255

Hi Folks.... Been a while since I last posted, but that's a good thing! :j

I've had lodgers now for about 5 years and never really had many problems other than telling them to clean up after themselves etc, but I feel like I've possibly hit a couple of sticky wickets....

Old lodger has moved out, and I have a new lodger, whom my friends and I call Boozy Lodger... We've signed a Lodger Agreement that talks about the usual stuff - not passing keys to others, no overnight guests without prior agreement etc.

It's probably none of my business, I don't drink, but he certainly does. 4-6 cans of strong lager a night, and while he's perfectly ok at the moment, it makes me uneasy. I had a relationship with a guy that drank once, and he tended to get nasty with it, and so Boozy lodger makes me worry.

Secondly - when he viewed the room, he said - and I quote... "I have a 5 year old daughter, would it be ok if I had her here some Saturdays?" to which I said yes, of course.
However, it seems that he thinks it's ok to have her staying over every Saturday night. Now, I'm all for absent dads seeing their kids, in fact I think it's great he's so close to her, but I don't have kids for a reason!
I like a lie in on a Sunday and just feel that my house is being taken over by this child over the weekends.

I have tried to talk to him about it - and he says that when he moved in I knew he had a child, and that I agreed he could have her at mine on a Saturday. I explained that I didn't think he meant every Saturday, and certainly not staying over....

Any advice / tips?

Please don't think I'm a mini Hitler, I'm not - It's just not what I signed up to!

tanith

Personally I wouldn't be comfortable with someone in my house who drank that much , and if I didn't want the child staying over then I'd say so.. its your perogative to have a lie in in your own house . Just tell him that if he'll agree to once a month then thats ok but if he's not agreeable then look for somewhere else.. not sure if he has a contract for a specific term though...

LandyAndy

It's your house and, with lodgers, it's your rules.

If 'boozy lodger' causes no trouble I don't see a problem. First sign of trouble he'd be out.

'Dad lodger' appears to have misinterpreted your original discussion. Clarify what you feel is acceptable and deal with him depending on his reaction.

Jowo_2

I would never live with an alcoholic which is essentially what you've ended up with - you don't need to go on benders to be an addict. The alcoholics in my family cause pain and misery to all that surround them so there's absolutely no way I'd have a guest in my house with a drink problem.

poppysarah

Give him notice.
Use an excuse like a family member is coming to stay. Might soften the blow rather than you just kicking him out.

maninthestreet

5 or 6 cans of strong lager = 15 units of alcohol per day, approx. That's over a 100 units a week! The man is an alcoholic.

00ec25

boozy - I'd agree it will only get worse. Where I am temporarily staying at the moment there is an alcoholic who causes the landlady no end of problems (she's too soft to get rid of him) eg: ambulances bring him back when he falls over in the street and can't make it (he's 72 years old), he does not always make the toilet :eek: and he never washes (ever).

Thankfully his room is a long way from mine and we never meet as he's at the reclusive stage of dependency so rarely comes from his room, but he has been worse before and is back in decline and the LL has seen it all before and knows what's coming again.

tbs624

Give Notice asap - this one is unlikely to get any better. Use it as a learning experience and update your lodger screening methods and your lodger agreement forms.

LandyAndy

maninthestreet wrote: »

5 or 6 cans of strong lager = 15 units of alcohol per day, approx. That's over a 100 units a week! The man is an alcoholic.

Maybe. We only have the OPs description of his consumption.

That doesn't make him a dangerous or aggressive drunk and while he causes no trouble and shows no sign of doing so I wouldn't kick him out.

Jowo_2

LandyAndy wrote: »

Maybe. We only have the OPs description of his consumption.

That doesn't make him a dangerous or aggressive drunk and while he causes no trouble and shows no sign of doing so I wouldn't kick him out.

My negative experiences of alcoholic relatives, plus rather dismal experiences having them as neighbours and tenants makes me want to advise the landlord against feeling sorry for the lodger or obligated to operate like a branch of social services. She should not have to feel any anxiety while sharing the property and should follow her gut instinct.

Firstly, many alcoholics conceal the extent of their drinking - the cans that the OP are aware of may be the tip of the iceberg.

Typically, alcoholics drink to self-medicate and are often emotionally damaged people.

Finally, he may be on an even keel now but anyone who has an experience of an alcoholic who over or under self-medicates knows that they are a complete pain.

This is not social drinking and she is not enjoying living with him - she should serve him notice rather than get sucked into his health and domestic problems.

DVardysShadow

LandyAndy wrote: »

Maybe. We only have the OPs description of his consumption.

That doesn't make him a dangerous or aggressive drunk and while he causes no trouble and shows no sign of doing so I wouldn't kick him out.

While this is true enough, obviously OP does not feel comfortable with the situation. It is not an arm's length business deal, this is OP's home. I suggest that OP tells Boozy Lodger that it is not working out and for him to start looking for somewhere else.