Back to square one!

lady_fuschia

Sorry this is just a vent and a moan- just wanted to talk to people who understand really.
Some of you know the story already- since me and OH (well me, but dragged him along!) had lightbulb moment back in April-ish time we've been working really hard to pay off debts. Mine had been big but relatively under control for a while (Paid more than minimum monthly, although less than I could have, never missed payments or got into trouble over them, fairly low interest) whereas his, mostly carried over from his last marriage, were all ove rthe place- store cards here there and averywhere, council tax arrears that he'd ignored and eventually forgotten about- he recognised that the head in the sand approach wasn't working and agreed to cut back on non-essential, budget wisely, use the snowballing method, set up direct debits for bills (as opposed to his old method of waiting for the final demand then paying cash at the post office- apart from when you forget to do it) and generally get ourselves organised.
But it feels like we're just running on the spot- everytime he's paid off one debt, another demand seems to arrive in the post and we don't move on at all- my debts haven't seen any work because the majority of the money goes to the higher interest ones (all his). I know I shouldn't but I'm starting to feel a bit resentful about it- I know its in the past, and a lot of the money was spent by his ex, and he really is trying his best now, but it really gets me down that I seem to be suffering for his past bad judgement, if it was my own I could deal with it! I know its really wrong and bad and selfish to think like that, and I'm really trying to be supportive and not blame him because I know he does feel guilty anyway. But I can't help it!!!
The icing on the cake came yesterday morning- I've just sorted out how we're going to pay the latest debt (sacrifice the holiday money, not buy anything other than the absolute barest essentials, ask for money for birthday) and thinking "well at least that's sorted now". He swore to me that was the last one- no more nasty suprises. And yet another letter landed on the doormat- a demand for repayment of a Principles storecard- £900!! That's about the same amount we've paid off since the LBM. So literally, we are now back to square one. I am so annoyed- I can't help it- I honestly believe he did think he was being truthful when he said there were no more debts, I think he genuinly just didn't know what he owed. He can't even remember whether he's tried to pay this one off before or not (he thinks he has), so we don't know if that 6 year law thing (what's it called?) is worth using. I'm just feeling so fed up with it all, I almost feel like I just don't want to speak to him- I know thats really unfair, but its just upsetting me so much all the work I feel like I'm putting in to pay off debts that aren't really mine. I know people say that if you're going to be a couple you should share everything- I should become "we" etc, but at the moment I'm finding it really difficult to think like that. I'm getting very worried about the strain this is putting on our relationship.
Anyway, thanks for listening- just needed to vent!
Thanks

Emmzi

have you got his credit report to see ALL the outstandings?

At least then you'll know what you're dealing with and there'll be no more surprises.

MinnieSpender

Oh dear, that's a bit of a setback. Good advice from Emmzi though.

It may have been a genuine mistake on OH's part but you do need to get all the debts on the table. All the best x

lady_fuschia

Thanks. What's the best way to get hold of his credit report? Experian? Do you have to pay? We should probably have done that to start with I suppose.

lynzpower

I was going to say the same about the credit report. theres a fiver cash back on quidco with credit expert at the mo

You just have to face up to whats there and start plugging away again with eyes open. Then you can plan for whats going to happen and how its going to go .

Sorry if this has been missed, but is he selling stuff? Second jobing it? Sounds like extra income needs to come in as well. and this might help hid lightbulb burn ever brighter

HUgs xx

poppy_f1

lady_fuschia wrote:

Thanks. What's the best way to get hold of his credit report? Experian? Do you have to pay? We should probably have done that to start with I suppose.

think you can sign up and get a free trial for 30 days but remember to cancel otherwise you will get charged

SalsaDanca

The two main credit reference agencies are Experian http://www.experian.co.uk/creditreport/ and Equifax https://www.econsumer.equifax.co.uk/consumer/uk/sitepage.ehtml?forward=gb_products . Most banks and credit card companies only report to one of them, so you need to check them both.

The law requires them to sell you a paper copy of your credit report for £2, but they hide this option away on their website and try to sell you the more expensive online reports. The online reports don't give you any more information, so either get the statutory £2 report, or get a free trial for the online version and remember to cancel it before the trial expires.

mocolo

Credit expert is a really good idea. I did the 30 day free trail and cancelled during the last week really easily, and will be paid this week through quidco.

mocolo

lady_fuschia

OK, thanks I will try that. It just didn't occur to me that someone would not know what debts they owed!
We have tried to sell a few things, but to be honest we don't have much. I've been trying to sell some of my CD collection off for a while and not getting very far- sold some books for a small amount though. He tried to sell his old camera, but with no success (everythings gone digital now and its not fancy enough for a collectors piece). Its actually quite annoying that with all this debt there doesn't seem to be very much to sell!
He's not really in a position to take a second job, as he's a shift manager in a pub (a popular chain!) and works very irregular hours. I've thought about taking one myself, and have been in touch with someone who says they might be able to set me up tutoring some creative writing sessions, (would help with my career plans too, so wouldn't mind) but this would be casual work, and not start for a while.
I will definetely get the credit report though- can I do it for him, or does he have to do it himself? (it will be a lot quicker if I do it!)
Thanks for the support and suggestions everyone by the way, I need it! Calmed down a bit now!

Donedoingdebt

I believe,to be legal, he has to apply & sign for it himself.

Emmzi

I did mine online - got report within 15mins. No idea how they knew it was me!! Prob. cos credit card details had to go in. But sit him down in front of PC and do it tigether...