OR asking more questions and saying he will inform my OH parents

Trolley_Dolley

Thanks everyone for your replys and no we didnt expect it to be an easy ride at all for the next year but we did hope those feelings of doom and gloom might lift a bit and that doesnt seem to be the case.
Things are quiet for a few weeks and we wait knowing that some phone call or other will come asking him to go in. My OH made a mistake with the gambling amount as he paniked the night before filling in the petition, all he ever did was go on fruit machines whilst down the local, the odd bet on the lottery and the odd horse here and there. Thats it!
He told the examiner the same things he told him the first time and on both occasions he was in there for over 3 hours. The examiner seems young and inexperienced with how to actually treat people under these circumstances which only contributes to making the whole situation more stressful for my OH.

The thought of his elderly parents finding out this way by an young whipper snapper of a guy who hasnt got a clue about life is more than my OH can bear at the moment. He is ashamed enough as it is and I really dont see what purpose it will serve in informing his parents, all it will do is cause undue worry and upset for his parents not to mention him and he`s scared the shock of it will make one of them ill, his father is in his 70`s.

I think that my OH should write a letter explaining that he wants another OR to assigned to his case (this is the 3rd as it is hes been passed from pillar to post) and state the reasons why, surely these young people undergo some kind of training in how to tread carefully with people under these circumstances, anyone going BR has had their emotions pulled here there everywhere, they are vulnerable and need to be treated with respect and dignity not made to feel like a common criminal.

My OH keeps making remarks like hed be better off dead, he just cant cope with his parents knowing about the BR.
If he does anything stupid then i will hold the OR personally responsible

Trolley_Dolley

Amiga wrote: »

I can't offer any pratical advice but just wanted to extend my best wishes to your OH. He was very decent when I was going through my wobble a fortnight ok, and I hope that things start looking brighter for him soon.

Thanks Amiga, when my OH sent you that message the OR seemed reasonable, whilst not over friendly he was ok.
Now he`s hauled him in again his manner seems to be one of impatience and he spoke down to my other half which i am not happy about at all.
I fell we need to complain as I dont want him to be free to treat all his other BR cases in the same manner, the job of an OR is a serious one and our lives are in their hands they should give people the respect they deserve, going BR is not a decision anybody makes lightly and it involves months of sleepless nights and worrying about what to do.
I dont think this guy could begin to understand how that feels!

Anyway Good Luck with your BR and hope you are well


Trolley

Classylady2010_2

I think this is the first time ive read about an OR being unreasonable on here. Mine was a lady, she was down to earth and very helpful with me.
I just want to say though that going Br is never easy, I suffered so much b4 going Br and even now it seems to be going "smoothly" its still not easy but I do sleep better at nights and for that I thank god for my bankruptcy. Just didnt want new folk thinking of going Br that it was an easy option.

coolcait

Hiya TD

I'm sorry to see you so upset, and I'm afraid that the things I'm about to say will probably not help you feel any less upset. However, I'm saying them in an attempt to help you see another point of view.

I don't think that the OR's age necessarily has anything to do with what's happening. Would you feel any better if the OR was older than your OH, and treating him the same way? I doubt it. Would the OR's age be an issue if your OH came out of every meeting in a great mood, and delighted with the way the BR was going? I doubt it.

In previous posts, you were absolutely adamant that your OH would not be putting on his SoA the fact that he was co-habiting with you. Instead, he was going to say that he was your lodger, and he was going to put down an amount for rent which was more than half the total amount you actually pay.

I don't know whether you went down this route or not. If you did, then it was - however kindly I try to put it - not a truthful statement. Your OH will be aware of that fact, and it may well be having an effect on him subconsciously during the interviews.

The OR may be picking up on this subconscious reaction, even if he doesn't know what is causing it. Add that to the declarations which your OH has made about gambling (no matter what the reasons why he did that) and his reluctance to have the OR approach his parents (no matter waht the reasons for feeling that way) then I cannot see how the OR could possibly say he was doing his job if he didn't investigate it all further.

I completely understand the feeling of wanting to protect your partner, and being upset and angry on his behalf. But, before you sit down and write an indignant letter asking for another OR, I hope you take on board the 'other point of view'.

I hope your OH, and you, can work together to get through this, and that it all works out for you in the end.

ontheroad_2

Did you go to the most recent ORs meeting with your OH TrolleyDolley? From reading what you've said about your OH's state of mind and worry at the moment (well, since before he went BR really), maybe it would be an idea to request another meeting with the OR, where you go with your OH, and explain how this is all affecting him, his health, and his wellbeing? At least if you're there, and you've both put your point across, then if your OH feels his case is not being dealt with suitably, he could write to the ORs manager, explaining the situation?

I take debtinfo's point about the OR trying to get corroboration of what your OH was paying out in rent etc, if there were large cash withdrawals being taken from credit cards. Lots of us have found ourselves in that situation (my OH was one of them on occasion) and I'm sure when we go BR he'll have to try and explain that to the OR too.