Ex hassling me for money

ses6jwg

Ex is hassling me for more money and threatening to involve CSA.

I currently pay what the CSA reccomend according to their calculator via BACS.

I also pay £50-100 a month into a saver account for daughter.

She says what I am paying does not cover the costs of our daughter.

I see our daughter 3 nights a week.

I have told her I am willing to buy her whatever she needs, whether it is nappies, etc, or if it is clothes I will buy a gift voucher of the shop of her choice (not very good on styles and sizes etc).

She has said this is not good enough and wants it in cash. or bank transfer.

I told her I am not giving her extra cash, because since we split up she has taken up smoking and she goes out 1-2 times a week and gets completely drunk, leaving DD in care of her grandad.

I told her I am not willing to give cash to fuel this lifestyle, but will help daughter in ANY way she just needs to tell me what she needs.

I told her that getting CSA involved will make her worse off as they take £20 from income support - she is on benefits, is this right?

advice appreciated, what do I do?

missmontana

There is a full disregard of CM from 12th april, so she would get every penny. Until then, she would only get £20 per week.

Has she informed the benefits agencies that you are paying her maintenance?

If you have your daughter 3 nights a week, then that is classed as shared care and the CSA would take it into account and reduce what you would have to pay.

I hate to say it but I would come to the same conclusion as you, that she's just after the money for herself and not your daughter!

3onitsway

You can go via the CSA yourself if you want - the case doesn't have to be opened by the PWC.

Tbh from what you've said, let her go to the CSA - you'll probably end up paying less. And then, all you have to pay is the CSA amount, anything else you provide is completely up to you.

ses6jwg

Sorry, I should have clarified.

I see my daughter 2 nights a week after work and then I have her all day Sunday.

I live with my parents at the moment but I am moving out in around 6 weeks, so will likely have her 1 night a week from then on.

I love my daughter so much and this break up has been very hard on me.

It hurts to be accused of not wanting to support her.

However I am loathe to give her more cash, when I log onto Facebook and see pictures of ex sitting in the street off her face smoking cigarettes. Disgusts me

Hobo17

Does she actually stay overnight with you? as this would affect the amount of CSA you pay.

daedana

I don't know about the law in this case, but I got to say that how you're handling this seems exactly right. I only know the other half of the story now, but all my support is on you.

You're exactly right about paying for stuff as you've described yourself here. It's either take it or leave it.

Pimpslider

ses6jwg, I'm in 'exactly' the same boat as you! Seriously, exactly the same in every aspect, inlcuding the Facebook one!

You pay your money to her but she uses your child as leverage to try and get more. I've said the same to my ex about the CSA and her being worse off too. Not meaning to put a downer on it, but I have been dealing with this for 8+ years now. All I can do is grin and bare it and wait until my child is old enough to realise that they'd be better off with me.

Chin up son...chin up.

DX2

Be very, very careful how you handle this situation as she may use the child as a pawn in her game! The contact could be dropped any time she wants something, I am not saying this is correct but be careful.

missmontana

I agree with what the others have said, you are doing your best. Especially putting money into a savings account for her.

If the ex does stop you seeing her, then you have this as proof that you've wanted to support your daughter all along.

Personally, I wish my ex had offered to buy stuff for my son, I'd have quite happily given him a shopping list on many occasions, but unlike you he never offered!!

speedster

thing is, a lot of nrp's begrudge paying for their exes lifestyles while the children can end up going without.

my ex has always had enough money, she's just crap at budgetting and i refuse to fund it.

my suggestion was for me to provide everything our daughter until she finished education. uniforms, shoes, pe kits, trips, books, college, uni, the lot. plus i put away £100 a month into her savings via SO.

any clubs or activities we would split or i'd pay the whole lot if i had it.

the ex would then pay her bills, i would pay mine. other clothes and shoes etc. we would both buy ourselves.

stooopid wonam point blank refused it and swore she would get the csa to "destroy me" (her words. i still have the text)

i'm ltd and know how the chimps think and they never really bothered me. they're too dumb for starters.

3 years later and she finally got fed up with a fiver a week and she came to me to see if we could do it the way i offered 3 years ago!!

some pwc's pig headedness and stupidity know no bounds.

ses6jwg

DX2 wrote: »

Be very, very careful how you handle this situation as she may use the child as a pawn in her game! The contact could be dropped any time she wants something, I am not saying this is correct but be careful.

lol i wud liike to see her try

i have joint parental responsibility

i would have her in court for a contact order before she even put the phone down :rotfl: