What events have determined who we are today...

wanna-be-mortgage-free_2

loobyloo1980 wrote:

I watch spendaholics too, mainly because I like the tips, but also because I get some kind of satisfaction out of knowing that there are worse spenders and debtors out there than me, lol. I could really relate to the woman last night with her kids and her spending on clothes. It is hard with kids when all their friends are getting and they are not - they really do make you feel guilty. However, we have stopped letting them make us feel that way now and have cut right back and stopped trying to keep up.

Yes I too could relate to the kids although mine are slightly younger (4 and 2) but of course taking them to do the groceries is always a challenge and because I work and leave them in nursery I am the one feeling guilty and try to make up for that by buying them something even though they don't ask for it. It got to the point where they were expecting it. I had to stop myself from doing it. It wasn't their problem but mine. So now they don't expect anything and I don't buy it! I've tried to explain to my 4 year old about having to work for money and about saving. In fact he saved all his birthday and pocket money and bought himself a bike. I was so proud of him

loobyloo1980

wanna-be-mortgage-free wrote:

Yes I too could relate to the kids although mine are slightly younger (4 and 2) but of course taking them to do the groceries is always a challenge and because I work and leave them in nursery I am the one feeling guilty and try to make up for that by buying them something even though they don't ask for it. It got to the point where they were expecting it. I had to stop myself from doing it. It wasn't their problem but mine. So now they don't expect anything and I don't buy it! I've tried to explain to my 4 year old about having to work for money and about saving. In fact he saved all his birthday and pocket money and bought himself a bike. I was so proud of him

Awww thats so lovely

My kids are learning about the value of money now. They each have a money box and my family give money for treats and rewards, say for swimming lessons, good reports, teeth falling out, and instead of sweets etc. They then use their own money to buy things from town instead of us having to find money for little things. It works well and they feel really grown up saving their own money for things they like. My kids are 6 and 3 (and 4 months old, but he doesn't really count yet coz he can't go spending)

wanna-be-mortgage-free_2

loobyloo1980 wrote:

Awww thats so lovely

My kids are learning about the value of money now. They each have a money box and my family give money for treats and rewards, say for swimming lessons, good reports, teeth falling out, and instead of sweets etc. They then use their own money to buy things from town instead of us having to find money for little things. It works well and they feel really grown up saving their own money for things they like. My kids are 6 and 3 (and 4 months old, but he doesn't really count yet coz he can't go spending)

Doesn't it make things that little bit easier when OH and kids are involved too? I feel that we're all pulling together and aiming for the same goal. I hope that by guiding the boys they will appreciate the value of things and of course not get themselves in to the same mess I have ended up in!

loobyloo1980

wanna-be-mortgage-free wrote:

Doesn't it make things that little bit easier when OH and kids are involved too? I feel that we're all pulling together and aiming for the same goal. I hope that by guiding the boys they will appreciate the value of things and of course not get themselves in to the same mess I have ended up in!

Yes because it takes the guilt away and you don't feel like the big bad witch saying no all the time and making everyone miserable!!! Also learning to admit to others that you can't afford something is a valuable lesson. I never used to want to admit that i couldn't afford something, but now I don't mind, and its saving me a fortune.

lazy&indebt

I don't really think there are any deep rooted psychological reasons behind my overspending - had a nice childhood, we weren't spoilt but weren't hard done by, my dad taught me how to budget from a young age with my pocket money etc etc
I think mine was either boredom (going out and buying a laptop on credit one day which I then sold!) or insecurity (clothes, make up etc) and maybe jealousy, I saw someone with a nice new car and I wanted one, so i marched straight down to the showroom and said "I want that one" (in a little britain style!) and signed for it there and then! I think if I'd just stopped and asked myself "Do I really need this" after every purchase, I might not have ran up so much debt!

Floss

lynzpower wrote:

..... thats how I ended up here. although I did fall off a climbing frame when I was a nipper, I wonder if thats got anything to do with it!

SNAP! I fell off our climbing frame when I was 4 & split my chin open on the flagstone (??) under the trapeze bar (my dad said it was to stop wearing thegarden away :rolleyes: ) I think that had a defienite effect on my life & caused my future to be mapped out as a spender/debtor! :rotfl:

Seriously, tho, haveing an ex-husband who was a spoilt only child, who couldn't walk past anything without wanting to buy it "for the boys" or for his "collection" didn't exactly help, neither did him spending all his wages as though there were still 2 incomes & not paying any bills when I was at college, or stopping the direct debit to the mortgage co when he left home resulting in almost being repossessed & left with the debt. :mad:

wanna-be-mortgage-free_2

loobyloo1980 wrote:

Yes because it takes the guilt away and you don't feel like the big bad witch saying no all the time and making everyone miserable!!! Also learning to admit to others that you can't afford something is a valuable lesson. I never used to want to admit that i couldn't afford something, but now I don't mind, and its saving me a fortune.

Oh the amount of times I have felt like the big bad witch but thinking back I was probably the only one thinking that because 5 mins after I told the kids no they couldn't have a toy they were pre-occupied with something else

It was only recently that I admitted to my mum about the amount of debt I was in. It took so much courage for me to do that to actually admit I had the problem and to admit I just couldn't afford what I was buying day in and day out. Of course she was and is very supportive but did say, yeah I thought you were spending a lot! I admire my mum because she lives on benefits, and still manages to get by. Of course she would like other things but either saves or gets them cheaper by going second hand. She does everything with cash. Since I started paying by cash and leaving the credit cards at home it was a shock as to what and how much I was initially spending

wanna-be-mortgage-free_2

lazy&indebt wrote:

I don't really think there are any deep rooted psychological reasons behind my overspending - had a nice childhood, we weren't spoilt but weren't hard done by, my dad taught me how to budget from a young age with my pocket money etc etc
I think mine was either boredom (going out and buying a laptop on credit one day which I then sold!) or insecurity (clothes, make up etc) and maybe jealousy, I saw someone with a nice new car and I wanted one, so i marched straight down to the showroom and said "I want that one" (in a little britain style!) and signed for it there and then! I think if I'd just stopped and asked myself "Do I really need this" after every purchase, I might not have ran up so much debt!

Boredom seems to be coming up a lot on this post. That has a factor on me too. Wonder if I can get MSE on my mobile so that when I go to town if I get bored I come on here instead of heading for the nearest clothes shop :rotfl:

lady_fuschia

Yeah I think boredom is a big root cause for most people. Thinking back, if I'd not been so disillusioned with my job, had some hobbies, or some kind of project to work on and look forward to completing I wouldn't have felt the need to spend money on clothes and !!!!!! to try and make my life seem more exciting (missing the fact that a bored underachiever with nice clothes, is still a bored underachiever- just one who's in debt to boot!)
Of course NOW I realise spending money and "having stuff" doesn't make life exciting. I mean there's only so much fun you can get out of sitting in your room looking at 18 pairs of shoes you never wear!
So yep- I think boredom is almost always in there somewhere.

yeslek

wanna-be-mortgage-free wrote:

At least you only spend the 2.50 on a coffee, me on the otherhand I would feel the need to spend a lot more and of course I would be able to justify that spend in my head no problem. I mean why is it I can never go past a Next sale without going in and spending a fortune telling myself well it is half price and the kids do need them (clothes that are two sizes too big!)

i over analyse things in my head first, hence the coffee
there are plently of times where i flit about for a few hours then think screw it an blow £40 on some special edition dvd box set or new pair of shoes