What events have determined who we are today...

wanna-be-mortgage-free_2

Was watching spendaholics last night (as I do each week to try and get some tips!) and got thinking about what makes me overspend. The life coach has always been able to establish why the person overspends i.e. sent to boarding school for five years and having her individuality suppressed or a son who leaves home etc, etc.

Do you know what events have determined why you overspend? I have searched the inner most depths of my mind and I can't seem to find one particular event or one particular reason why I do it. Does that mean I'm doomed to overspend for the rest of my life until I find this out? I'm on the wagon, as it were at the moment but struggle after just a few days Of course coming on here kicks me back in to action.

I am coping well at the moment with my budgetting, even have a surplus at the end of the month because I moved loans and credit card balances but I know in my heart of hearts that if I start spending again I will end up in exactly the same situation that had me come to this site in the first place. I don't want that to happen, I don't want my children having to suffer because of my overspending :-(

Broken_hearted

media pressure and keeping up with everyone else. The culture we live in which is spend now pay later. Oh yes and life falling apart.

wanna-be-mortgage-free_2

Broken_hearted wrote:

media pressure and keeping up with everyone else. The culture we live in which is spend now pay later. Oh yes and life falling apart.

Yes, keeping up with everyone else is pertinent to me too and of course I spend when I'm feeling ANY kind of emotion, name an emotion and I've spent money during it

lady_fuschia

I don't think people's overspending is always determined by some big dramatic event- its more likely to be something little, particularly if your overspending is in the £100's rather than the tens of thousands.
In my case it was partly getting to uni and suddenly seeing a 4 figure sum in my bank account when I'd only ever seen a two-figure one before. It seemed like a lot more money than it really was.
It got out of hand a few years later when I got dumped out of the blue by a boyfriend in favour of a Victoria Beckham type who spent a LOT of money on having the hair, the nails, the clothes. I tried to compete by doing the "look I can be just as gorgeous as her" thing and spending money I didn't have on beauty treatments and clothes I didn't need. So basic insecurity really- although looking back now I realise that the woman I was trying to emulate was likely just as insecure, and getting herself into just as much financial !!!!!! as me. I think that's behind a lot of people's debt problems really- feeling like spending money will somehow make people like you more.

lynzpower

I wathced Spendahoics the other day with the young lad into his designer clothes. I really struggle with the psychologist guy TBH.

I do know form my own professional experience that as a therapist/counsellor etc, you certainly dont assume why the person has the problems they do. the counsellor decided from the off that it was something to do with being angry at his mum, he didnt really agree, but was clearly pressured into thinking this by the end of the show. My feeling was probably his spending stemmed from being a young lad, in london brought up by his mum who struggled for cash. He wanted to buy himself things that he never had growing up.

Personally, my parents spend like nutters. Theyve never taoughtme how to budget. thats how I ended up here. although I did fall off a climbing frame when I was a nipper, I wonder if thats got anything to do with it!

wanna-be-mortgage-free_2

lynzpower wrote:

I wathced Spendahoics the other day with the young lad into his designer clothes. I really struggle with the psychologist guy TBH.

Thought it was only me who had a problem with the psychologist! Is he somehow telling these people that the only reason you overspend is because of 'X' happening to you rather than just saying listen you don't earn enough money to buy everything you want so stop doing it?

yeslek

i guess i'm quite obsessive and stubborn, i'v always been the kinda person that get's what they want - ie i see something, i save and work hard or whatever it takes until i can have it. sometimes this means buying on a credit card *blush*
also if i collect something i have to complete it - i was like the only kid who would have complete sets of trading cards (can go back to obsessions i guess) so i have to have the back catologue of a band if i like them or say full set of friends dvd's, beanies etc. i'm a bit of a horder (sp) too.
i think the deep routed issue is i'm always trying to fill a void, i always have done, sometimes i'm creative and others i spend.
sometimes its just out of boredom, like the way people eat when they have nothing else to do, i'll shop (albeit window shop for a few hours before spending just 2.50 on a nero coffe, but its still spending)

lady_fuschia

I think its possible to get too psychological about these things. I mean, we all have problems, and tend to spend more at certain times- but saying its all because your mum didn't love you and you failed maths at school seems a bit of a waste of time to me. To a certain extent its posisble to spend too much time dwelling on "why" when the question that's really going to help is "how?"

wanna-be-mortgage-free_2

yeslek wrote:

sometimes its just out of boredom, like the way people eat when they have nothing else to do, i'll shop (albeit window shop for a few hours before spending just 2.50 on a nero coffe, but its still spending)

At least you only spend the 2.50 on a coffee, me on the otherhand I would feel the need to spend a lot more and of course I would be able to justify that spend in my head no problem. I mean why is it I can never go past a Next sale without going in and spending a fortune telling myself well it is half price and the kids do need them (clothes that are two sizes too big!)

loobyloo1980

I watch spendaholics too, mainly because I like the tips, but also because I get some kind of satisfaction out of knowing that there are worse spenders and debtors out there than me, lol. I could really relate to the woman last night with her kids and her spending on clothes. It is hard with kids when all their friends are getting and they are not - they really do make you feel guilty. However, we have stopped letting them make us feel that way now and have cut right back and stopped trying to keep up.

I think my debt comes from a desire for nice things. My parents spend a lot of money and do have debt, but they don't have unaffordable debt. They are very sensible with it and pay their cc's off in full every month etc. I think when I became financially responsible for myself I didn't want a slump in my standard of living even though I wasn't earning as much. Then I had a child young (19) and didn't want to miss out on what my friends were doing, so kept up with them by going out, meals out, nice clothes, mobile phones, etc. I have grown up a lot now and feel more secure in my relationship with my now husband, and I don't feel the need to keep up with anyone anymore. I don't feel ashamed to admit that I can't afford something and to make the kids wait. I have seen the light, but am still paying off debt from my years of irresponsibility.

I do also feel we are pressured by society to have everything now or get left behind. I feel so much happier though since I took out my cc's from my purse and locked them away.

wanna-be-mortgage-free_2

lady_fuschia wrote:

I think its possible to get too psychological about these things. I mean, we all have problems, and tend to spend more at certain times- but saying its all because your mum didn't love you and you failed maths at school seems a bit of a waste of time to me. To a certain extent its posisble to spend too much time dwelling on "why" when the question that's really going to help is "how?"

Oh I agree which is why that guy on Spendaholics annoys me so much. I do like the girl, Jay I think she's called. She has so much practical advice which is fantastic because sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees. Of course that is where this site comes in to it's own too. Hoorah for MSE :T