A massive mess Where to turn

MrsTinks

I understand you must be in a difficult place and you at least take responcibility for your actions but I can understand his anger to a point too... you have in effect stolen £3k from him by using his card to that point. I'm not saying that in any way justifies any "in your face" shouting or emotional abuse from his side, but I can understand he's angry too... I'd be livid if I found out my OH had spent £3k in my name without telling me. Married or not he'd find himself single very quickly!
I'd for now hold fire on sending any letter to the credit card company - what you are in effect doing is putting in writing to them that you have committed fraud... probably not a good move right now if you and your partner want to try and work this out.

I will probably be shot down for suggesting this but do you honestly think that having the baby will be a good idea for you, your partner but most importantly... the baby? I would question if you are in a position to care singlehandedly for a child right now because I think given your partners reaction to you being out of work before the fraud incident then I can't see this as being a very healthy relationship at the moment... and I'd say there is a good chance that you will be having to deal with this on your own...

I'm not saying you should terminate, I'm saying I think you need to do some serious serious thinking about what is best for you and ultimately the possible baby... we only have a snapshot of the situation and we can only advise based on that. I don't do the "fluffy there there all will be well and he's a horrid nasty man support" - sorry. I do the "ok these are the real concerns I have and which I think you need to deal with or face" I'm sure loads of others will be very supportive, but I think these are still things you need to address and think about - cold though it may seem I'm afraid...

RAS

and123

There are three issues here and the £3k you spent is not the most important. And bascially if he has been telling you

he did not care how I got the money to top the bills account up I just had to do it.

then I have a little sympathy for your actions.

1. Please read this http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1276963 MSE report on domestic and economic abuse. If your reports on your partner's behaviour are accurate then you need to get out of this relationship ASAP. Please talk to the people who can help you re this abuse.

2. Do not write to the credit card company. That would be unwise.

3. I am very very concerned about the way in which you are allowing this relatively minor amount of debt to result in the sale of your assets. Also that helpful as your sister might be, she is also abusing your vunerablity to get your share in the house at a reduced price. I suggest you halt this process immediately.

4. As Tine says, you need to think very long and hard about your relationship with your partner and whether this is one into which you should even think about bringing a child. If your partner cannot cope with paying more than his share of the bills now, your situation with a child is untenable if you stay in this relationship.

Please contact your mental health support worker and speak to them about urgent support to help you discuss your options.

heatherks

i agree with most of the PP the debt from the credit card belonging to him which you ran is all you owe him
...why should you help repay the debt from his previous relationship

... and i would also question if i wanted to be in a long term relationship with someone who seems to have no respect for you

id seek advice from either cab or cccs / womans aid

Money_maker

RAS wrote: »

and123

3. I am very very concerned about the way in which you are allowing this relatively minor amount of debt to result in the sale of your assets. Also that helpful as your sister might be, she is also abusing your vunerablity to get your share in the house at a reduced price. I suggest you halt this process immediately.

This is the part that bothers me most. You should not sell such a large asset just for a 3K debt. Who lives in the house, do they pay rent?

Please get professional advice - you may regret complying with your OH just to shut him up in years to come.