Adult sibling fights - is this normal? Advice please.

dandy-candy

I wanted to share this because I really need some input from a larger group of people please.
My husband is 45 and has one sibling, a sister who is 50. They were bought up in a rather stressful house with a mother who was very angry and verbally aggressive, and a father who basically came in from work and sat in a chair all evening ignoring everyone. They both still feel very bitter about how their mum treated them even though she died 20 years ago, and how their dad never got involved and stuck up for them. The other problem is they really seem to resent each other too. About once a year something or other starts a huge row and they explode at each other. Last night it happened again. His sister stays during the week at his dads house in London and my hub had been there at the weekend cleaning his old bedroom out, and after hoovering he left his old matress leaning against the door of her room. She wasn't in London at the time and he didn't realise she was coming down mid-afternoon but then he got a message on his mobile of her absolutely hysterically screaming "I H-A-T-E Y-O-U!!" He went around and she was flipping out about where he had left the matress. Now she is 6ft 2" and as strong as an Ox so would have no trouble moving it but she exploded about it, he exploded back - the pair screaming at the top of their lungs with every swear word and insult, then he stormed into his old room with her following and he slammed the door on her hand. Now I wasn't there but he told me all about it and I am just horrified that anyone other that stroppy teens or drunks down a pub could ever fight like this!! I honestly don't know anyone else who fights like this at their age, but when I said it to him he totally rubbished what I said, and now it's got me thinking maybe other people do behave like this? Would any of you think this is normal?

mountainofdebt

Nope it doesn't sound normal to me!

Your OH and his sister sound though that they have been brought not to deal with conflict in a calm and rational manner - as a matter of interest what's the manner of the disagreements that you have with him?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

No, it's not normal. They need to either seek psychiatric help or just grow up.

I hope that he doesn't think it's OK if you really, really provoke him to screech at you the same way he does at his sister. Or does he benefit from you holding back in case he 'loses it' with you too?

And what kind of twit 'accidentally' props a mattress up against the door of someone who he knows stays regularly? It doesn't matter if she were twenty foot tall and had a sideline in the X-Men on weekends. He's just playing the part of a snot nosed ten year old poking around his sister's room just to annoy her.

And brother or not, if he had slammed a door on my hand, you would have been going to collect him from the police station where I would be pressing charges for common assault at the least and ABH more likely, plus probably taking out an injunction preventing him from ever going round the house again in case I was there at the same time.

I am, of course, assuming that he has kept the voicemail message 'proving' that she was angry first (not that it matters, violence against women is always wrong) and he wasn't just trying to excuse the behaviour so that you would be on side if the police were to knock on the door...

diable

Blame their parents for their mental problems, unless they agree to professional help then I'd leave it.

*Louise*

45 and 50??!!


OMG no that is NOT normal!:eek:

They should perhaps consider some sort of family therapy. Either that or stay well away from each other.

Ivrytwr3

freaks!

(i think they may some professional help on this one).

jewelly

That is just weird and inappropriate behaviour for people of their ages. Strange too that your OH regards the bedroom at his Dad's house as 'his' bedroom, and his sister stays there during the week. What the fcuk is that all about?

DVardysShadow

You know, if they are alright with everyone else, I'd just leave this. Given the background, this is just too deep to ever get a result.

dawnydee73

No its not normal but this is just what my ex is like with his family, and this is how he behaves with me, that is why he's my ex.

His younger sister also behaves the same way but has now been diagnosed with bipolar and seems to be more stable now she's on the right medication.

RAS

Hi

I suspect that this situation is much worse when they are both in their parent's house rather than elsewhere; it is all too easy to revert to old behaviours.

I do not get on with one of my siblings, who still thinks I am the same person they knew 30 years ago and behaves like they did 30 years ago. I do not respond and it is awkward.

I would think twice about having sister to stay but otherwise as long as he does not behave like this with anyone else, leave it.

Expect fireworks if they ever inherit jointly though.