A Little Advice please... Long sorry!

OneWingedAngel_2

Wow, its taken me a while to work up the courage to get all this out but I'm really need some advice from you all after you helped so well with my other issue. So here goes.
I'm 24 years old married with a seven year old daughter and on antidepressents for obvious reasons! I don't talk to my Mum I don't talk to my Dad either they're both seperated the only person I speak to in my family is my Nan. I don't get along with my husbands family either and have literally no friends to turn to.
My only friend accused me of reporting the fact that she was having a relationship with a client who was a vunerable adult I didn't do this but had warned her on many times that it was illegal and wrong.
The loss of that friendship hurts quite a lot, she also said my husband was out of line for his humor which is very much yorkshire/male/dirty humor and that should would never put up with her husband if she had one (shes a single mother).. She never spoke to me about this so neither of us knew it bothered her? I'm so lonely I can't take it much more I have no one to turn to when I need them. My husband isn't a whole lot of use regarding my depression as he doesn't seem to know how to cope with it and hides away from me a lot.
I don't see things getting better ever as I have low self esteem and am very shy. It took me ages to make a new friend after I left home and now she's gone I don't have the confidence to build up another friendship like that as mostly it was me doing odd stuff to help her out like baby sitting etc. I can't get myself out of this slump I'm stuck in and I really don't see a way out of it. I spend most of my days crying I think a lot of this is due to my lonliness this other parent has also gone out of her way to make people think less of me by spreading rumors etc so now no one at the school will speak to me either.
How do I escape this pure misery?

BitterAndTwisted

You need support and I think it's time you asked for it, especially from your husband. He can't fix what's broken but he can be expected to show some sympathy and understanding: that's what marriages are supposed to be all about.

Please go to your GP and ask for some help. If you're feeling that low some support should be forthcoming but when we suffer in silence other people have no way of knowing that we need it.

About your friend: this sounds like a total misunderstanding and things could be put right if you have the opportunity to explain that whatever happened was not as a result of anything you did or said. That's if you think this friendship is worth the effort in the first place.

Do you belong to a church or any other kind of community group? Somewhere you might have the chance to meet new people and perhaps forge new friendships?

When we're down in the depths sometimes it's very difficult to see the sky. In fact, it's easy to forget that there's a sky up there at all. You haven't always felt like this: life has been good before and it will be again but I do appreciate that it's not easy to hold onto that thought when you're feeling so very low. Often it's helpful just to get outside into the fresh air and take a brisk walk for half an hour a day. Exercise has a very positive effect on our mental state and you don't have to do any strict cardio to start to feel the benefit.

Hugs to you.

Counting_Pennies_2

I think first and foremost you need support, then when you can cope, you need to get out there and start having some time for yourself, and soon it will turn into fun.

I can't see if you work. If not then there will be ample time for you to get out there and start doing things. There are so many things on during the day and so many people to meet.

I too have felt very low, and my group of friends turned on me all in one go, when I had postnatal depression and needed them the most. It was hard and I felt I had lost everyone, but then I realised I didn't need such critical people in my life and I have started to go places and meet other people.

Firstly I think you need to get some information to help your other half understand. There are information leaflets your doctor can give you to pass on to your other half to read. Anti-depressants just cover the problem, they don't fix it. I think you need counselling. If you have some spare cash, I would suggest going privately, if not the NHS have a waiting list (via your doctor) for 6 or 8 weeks of counselling. I would suggest you get on the waiting list.

If you are about in the day, I would suggest getting out to different groups. If you are on benefits you can get free courses at your local college, to help improve your job chances, and these are a good place to meet new people.

You could volunteer to help in various places where again you will meet people. Our local church does a service for preschoolers on a school day and need helpers to help the parents, that just involves making tea and holding a baby while mum helps their older child. Maybe something like this would be good for you to meet people.

You could try going to the voluntary service and asking if they have anything.

PS - Meditation, Pilates and Yoga are all good for helping to lift you out of a hole and also meeting others. Perhaps give this or swimming a try to get you out of the house and lifting the mood a bit.

mackemdave

Hi.
Ever thought of getting a dog....I went throught the same sort of thing after my marriage failed...I moved to a new area of the country so had no friends and I also worked from home....I once went 8 days without speaking to anyone(apart from checkout ops at Supermarket)....Like you was on anti depressants for it.Lots of people advised me about getting a dog...It forces you to go out and get some fresh air which is always good and also you get chatting to other dog walkers and from there you might build up some new friends.

Good Luck

mrcow

You sound completely bored out of your brain. Do you see anyone other than Mums at school? if not, then it's all a little inbred - you need a mix of people around you. Otherwise unhealthy relationships can be all you have to turn to.

Do you have a job? Considered getting one? What can you do workwise?
Any hobbies?
What do you like doing?

blue-bells_2

Sorry I don't really have anything to add- you've had some great advice on here so far- but didn't want to read and run.

Hugs to you. I know how difficult it can be to make friends and meet new people. Are there any local groups/ hobbies you can attend, or any parents at your daughter's school that seem friendly, maybe? xxx

merlin68

What I have done, to give you an idea. Applied for two mornings voluntary work, joined a gym and a lunch club which also does a social club every other week as well.
Have also been onto a group called health in mind who are fantastic, they ring you every week and send you anxiety work books to work through and have put my name down for a self help group to go to. Also have my name down for a relaxtion group with the normal mind organisation.

gingin_2

Is there any way you can patch things up with your family or his? It's a shame that you don't talk to any of them.

What about your GP? I moved abroad with my husband when I was young and was feeling so low and lonely. I went to see the GP and as soon as I sat down I started sobbing and he was so fantastic and helpful I have never forgotten his kindness. Go see yours, be honest and see if they can recommend some counselling - also, are you on the right anti-d's for you?

From what you say, I would move on from your friend. There are plenty more out there, it just sounds like you are not going to the right places to meet them.

When I get low, I get paranoid. Are you sure none of the mums at school are not talking to you? Try and take the initiative to talk to the nicer ones and see their reaction. If you don't know what to say, invite their child over to your house to play with yours, it's always a good way to start a conversation and get to know someone.

brians_daughter

mackemdave wrote: »

Hi.
Ever thought of getting a dog....I went throught the same sort of thing after my marriage failed...I moved to a new area of the country so had no friends and I also worked from home....I once went 8 days without speaking to anyone(apart from checkout ops at Supermarket)....Like you was on anti depressants for it.Lots of people advised me about getting a dog...It forces you to go out and get some fresh air which is always good and also you get chatting to other dog walkers and from there you might build up some new friends.

Good Luck

Great advice, if you are a dog lover. My dad was very very depressed after having multiple strokes a few years ago. He went from being a MD with a high profile company and a hands on grand parent to being relaint upon his family for everything. As he got physically better he got mentally worse. An OH worker suggested a dog, and although my mum wasnt keen on the idea (very houseproud woman) she agreed. I can honestly say that dog has changed his life. He walks her, talks to her - loves her like a child. More importantly she has given him companionship, independance and confidence. He has made new frinds through walking her and is involved in a few 'clubs' locally now - all down to the dog.

Whilst it isnt a solution for everyone (or else there would be a puppy shortage! lol) if you and family are a dog lovers it may just be the best idea ever! Saying that, dont rush onto anything..do think things through

Do you attend church or could you get involoved with a mums group every so ofter and make new friends.

You relationship with your other friend may not be lost - try talking to her to put things right. Saying that though, you should still try to forge new friendships with others..

Your oh should be supporting you as well, maybe try having a chat telling him exactly how you feel? If you find this hard maybe email him, or write hima a letter. Sometimes just writting things down and destroying them helps you see things in a more positive light. Maybe keep a diary too of happy times, like when the kids make you smile, or something good happens - just so you have something positive to reflect upon?

I wish you all the luck in the world

notakid

Also don't worry about her badmouthing you to the other Mom's, most will have a brain and enjoy the gossip but won't take sides. They really couldn't care less I promise you! Also their are lots of different cliques within the school moms, just go and chat to another one or if that feels to hard (I remember the school gates, I hated it! just smile at people when they look at you. It makes a big difference, makes you more approachable.

I bet most of us have had fall outs with other Mom's, the trouble is, a lot of the time you are not friends 'cos you really like one another, more that you have things in common. Saying that, I've still got a couple of "Mom" friends but the rest, I wouldn't care if I saw them again! :rotfl:

A little part time job, even a couple of hours a week could get you meeting some interesting people too, but also, go to your Dr, thats good advice.

Also the local training at college, thats really good idea. Interesting and make you feel worthwhile which its obvious you've not at present.

OneWingedAngel_2

Thank you all so much your messages of support have really meant so much to me. We do have a dog one very spoilt terrier and I do love walking him I love the feeling of freedom it gives me. I have found a social group here in Nottingham for people suffering with depression that holds group meetings once a week and group outings too. As much as the idea terrifys me I will be attending the next meeting. Once again thank you all life seems that little bit less hopeless right now knowing there are people like you lot out there in the world x