Grandparents rights

Greener_Grass

Hello all

I am wondering if anyone has had a grandparent go to court for rights to see thier grandchild? My mum is saying she is going to do this to see my son which I find infuriating and also hurtfull.

First of all she lives nearly 400! miles away from us so no surprise she doesn't see my son very often, Only about 5 times in his life. She came down at new year to stay and left during the same night as she arrived without saying anything, just dissapeared! Then didn't speak to me for 2 months and we have only been in contact recently as she was ill I made contact with her. I had never had any sort of explanation as to why she left or what I was supposed to have done wrong. Yesterday she called me and eventually it got onto the subject about new year. She apparently left as I wouldn't let her pick DS up. I never said anything about her not picking him up but did say as I say to ANYONE who comes into my house who DS is not used to, if you leave him till he gets used to you he will come to you. She did not like me saying this and expected my son to run into her arms and cuddle her when he is a baby who has seen her a handful of times in his lifetime and has anxiety issues with anyone apart from me and OH.

Anyway she was going on about how i'm apparently keeping DS in a bubble (he's never been looked after by anyone else excect me or OH, not even for an hour) and how i'm stopping her from seeing him?!! :eek: This is when she said she will go to court to get her rights to see him!! I am so angry with this, I have never stopped her seeing him but we live so far away so naturally we don't see her everyweek. We have only been up there twice since DS was born due to huge costs and stress when we do.

Surely a court cannot force me to pay £200 odds to fly to take him to see her?? She is a chain smoker and her house is filthy and a pigsty so naturally any time we've been there we have not stayed there as I don't want my son in that enviroment.

Tell me she is talking rubbish and I'm worrying over nothing please!:(

mrbrightside842

I think she's just trying to wind you up, I bet she's got no intention of actually goinig to court. Ignore her, she's just trying to bully you and get her own way.

SugarSpun

Grandparents don't have any automatic legal rights to their grandchildren, but they can apply for contact orders, where the court will consider:

The applicant’s connection with the child

The nature of the application for contact

Whether the application might be potentially harmful to the child’s well-being in any way

If your mum has barely seen her grandchild, is applying out of spite, and has a house that is not equipped for a child to visit then it's unlikely that she'll get contact. But you'll probably need a list of times you've invited her to visit, a written confirmation that you are not witholding the child from her but trying to show her the way to have a good relationship with him etc.

Plus if your little one is still young enough for separation anxiety to be an issue I think it's unlikely that any court will make you fly with him. You can make a signed statement to the effect that you've asked her to visit on xx/xx, xx/xx and xx/xx dates and she has refused, or left suddenly, or whatever, and you feel it would be detrimental to his wellbeing to allow supervised contact with what is effectively an unreliable stranger - but if she will come to your house she is welcome and has been told so.

Chances are she's only using the contact order as a threat. Good luck.

Greener_Grass

Thank you for all your replies

I really do think she is doing it out of spite but I feel if she did bother to try I would be inclined to say !!!!!! off you're not seeing him then! She has only been to visit us twice and both times it was so akward and unenjoyable. The second time she was only there a matter of hours before leaving during the night. When she is here she just sits in a chair and reads a book or goes to sleep!!! She doesn't make any conversation or any effort to interact with my son. The last time she was her she was constantly shouting "hoi!" at him when he did anything and I said to her don't say hoi to him hes not doing anything wrong and personally I don't want my son being shouted hoi at!!

She said to me last week she only wants to see my son at her house where she can pick him up whenever she likes. She really doesn't seem to understand why I wouldn't want him there and the fact he has his own mind and it would greatly upset him if strangers just picked him up! She seems to have no understanding about seperation anxiety and how this is normal for a baby to be like this and how he'll grow out of it eventually. She certainly knows the right buttons to press, I'll give her that!

SugarSpun

It's probably as well in that case to let her know that if her contact order request fails (as it [STRIKE]probably[/STRIKE] will since you've made provision for her to see her grandson and she has left during the night/refused to interact with him/shouted at him and frightened him) she'll be liable for all the court costs, including yours.

jewelly

It's only 2 or 3 weeks since you posted that she was having a nervous breakdown and then went missing with a 17 year old! If she is mentally unstable, I doubt that a court would allow visitation rights without certain restrictions.

It sounds to me as if she is still unwell and needs help and support.

Greener_Grass

Yes she has been in hospital for the last 2 weeks. She is sounding much more like herself but I am not sure if she is 100% or not. She is telling me the hospital doctor told her there is nothing wrong with her and she is on no medication. She was apparently only in hospital for a rest! She is a voluntry patient on the mental health ward but is out at the moment on a weekend pass. I know its possible she is still not completely right but this is just the typical thing she would do anyway. She is just like that. She was also telling me yesterday she was arranging my wedding, arranging every detail right down to the date and venue and she was going to force my dad and my in laws to pay for it! I can take most things she says with a pinch of salt but this has really struck a cord with me, I would hate for my son to be forced into anything regardless of how small he is.

SugarSpun

Given the current state of the NHS, in particular psychiatric services, where every bed is heavily oversubscribed, I'm going to hop out on a limb and suggest she may be minimising at the very least what the doctor said to her.

I also suggest a bit of damage control when it comes to the wedding.

jewelly

I wouldn't take any of what she says seriously. I would view it as part of her mental ill-health and just try to be kind to her in light of that. It might be helpful for you to speak to the hospital doctor at the mental health unit to gain some insight into her condition and help you deal with it appropriately.

paddy's_mum

It's clear that the contact issue is part of a much wider web but there is a way to deal with it - just agree. Call her bluff!

Yes, of course you can, Ma. If you like to hop on a plane and come fetch him, that'll be great. While he's at yours, hubby and I will just pop off for a weekend's shopping trip to France and then on Monday, you can pop onto the plane again and bring him back.

What do you mean - who'll pay for it? Well, you will, obviously, since you're the one dictating the location of the contact. What do you mean, who'll provide his nappies and a cot? Well, you will, obviously since you insist that he must come there. What do you mean, who'll take him if he won't stop screaming? Well, we'll be away so you'll have to deal with it, won't you?

How much do you want to bet that the idea will be dead in the water.

However, you also must realise that it's nothing to do with wanting the child for grandmotherhood's sake - just a way of clouting you for whatever sins she perceives you to have perpetrated against her.

tandraig

your mum sounds at the very least mentally unstable - so much so i doubt whether she could keep it together long enough to see a solicitor and go to court. so i wouldnt worrry hun, not about that anyway. but your mum sounds really ill to me......have you spoken to her gp or psychiatrist?