Non Compliance with Contact Order

maggied_2

Hello - me again.:hello:

I was wondering if I could bend your collective ears.

Brief recap - OH has taken X to court to obtain PR and CO.

CO states that the current access is to be allowed to continue and that school holidays are to be split 50/50. It also states that arrangements for holidays are to be made 5 weeks in advance.

A verbal agreement was made with CAFCASS, although not put on the CO, that OH would pay childcare on the weeks he has DD (i.e. reimburse X the amount SHE pays after her discount) and that the arrangement would be 'week on, week off'.

As X had made no attempt to provide info on how much she was paying for childcare, or to arrange dates for the holidays, and Easter holiday is coming up soon OH passed her a 'year planner' with a breakdown of which dates they would each have DD. X has flipped at this which has resulted in the following:

1. She is refusing to arrange dates for Easter hols which are now 4 weeks away, saying that the days he's suggested are a problem as she has plans (??!!)

2. She is cancelling her claim for childcare reduction on the weeks OH has DD, meaning that OH will have to pay full price if he wants to keep her in the same childcare

OH has spoken to the court and they have said that although she isn't complying with the CO, he can take her back to court but if she sorts something at some point before the holidays then they'll drop it.

Does anyone have any suggestions? It's going to make it very difficult for us now as she isn't leaving us enough time to book childcare.

Also re the childcare discount - surely that's for the child, not for her (?). She's obviously only doing it to be spiteful - anything we can do here?

kelloggs36

Why does she get the discount in the first place? Can your OH negotiate a contact with the childcare providers himself on the weeks he has them? He may then qualify for a discount anyway.

maggied_2

Discount as in the 80% rebate she gets through CTC. The agreement with CAFCASS was that he reimbursed her the difference.

missmontana

Blimey, she's starting to annoy me now...

She's just being spiteful, I haven't even thought about the Easter Hols yet, so there's probably no way she's made plans yet!!

If you were to book any childcare, what's the cancellation policy?

I'd suggest speaking to who ever provides the childcare and see if they have any options.

daska

If it's alternate weeks then she's unlikely to get away with not paying to retain the place. Call her bluff. Ring the council leisure services and find out what they are putting in place over the summer holidays. There is no order that you have to use the same childcare (nor that you have to pay for it) and you have no contract with the childcare provider so they can't pursue you for the costs if she doesn't pay.

Re Easter, I would write tomorrow, via Special Delivery

Dear xxxx
We should have finalised the holiday arrangements by dd/mm/yy. Please confirm which dates you propose for contact. This is now urgent as holiday / activities / childcare needs to be booked. Please provide these dates by return of post.

i.e. no threats, no nastyness, let her set the dates. If she doesn't bother or refuses it's then evidence for you to take back to court to request set dates for contact e.g. first half of holiday in year a, second half in year b. on the basis that you gave her full choice.

silvercar

She is cancelling her claim for childcare reduction on the weeks OH has DD, meaning that OH will have to pay full price if he wants to keep her in the same childcare

Tell her that without the discount you will be using different childcare arrangements, so she should inquire what retainer rate she will need to pay to keep the place open for the weeks she is not using that childcare.

Should focus the mind and get the correct result, which will benefit the child, who needs continuety.

maggied_2

Thanks all. Apologies for the repetetive questions; if it's any consolation it feels like Groundhog Day from this end too!

So.....X and her equally vile mother have decided that Easter looks OK (big of them, less then 4 weeks away now!!) but they can't agree to summer as "X isn't sure what time she can get off"....of course! OH also got a text saying they would need to 'shuffle things around' so that X can have DSD on Mother's Day as it falls on OH's weekend. After all the nastiness, obstructiveness and unpleasantness of the past few months and now they'd like a little flexibility.

OH said no (ordinarily he would have said yes but I think he's finally snapped) - you can guess the reaction.

Re childcare - we are just going to sort our own out. I've agreed something with one of OH's relatives who has a DD around the same age where we'll have a reciprocal arrangement which works well for us all - so that covers a few days! DSD goes to a holiday club at MIL's church one day and MIL will have her 1 day so only 1 day to sort out.

I agree that the nursery will be reluctant to hold a place for alternate weeks - we'll manage without her 'help'.

I have a feeling this isn't the end. In a way it would be interesting to see if she does decide to break the agreement by blocking access at the holidays, or even next weekend. She does seem to think that the CO is more a 'suggestion' and she really doesn't need to adhere to it.

She's had OH over a barrel for a very long time now and completely taken advantage of his reasonable nature. He's a very laid back person and has genuinely tried to do the best for his DD which has involved taking a lot of flak and biting his tongue almost constantly. However he really seems to have had enough now and is willing to do whatever it takes to remove X and her vile family from his life.

daska

I have a horrible feeling that the only way this will change is if the moment she breaks contact you haul her back into court and ask for fixed dates rather than a proportion. There should be a warning attached to the order and the court can impose a fine/community service etc. (though it's highly unlikely if the court feels that the child will suffer as a result.) I'd argue that she could do community service during contact periods...

But... make sure you give her as much rope to hang herself as you possibly can. Do everything in writing, be polite and flexible for as long as possible, always offer her the chance to set the dates herself.

It's painful, I know, I still do all the letters for my husband despite us being separated because his ex is such a nightmare. She just won't confirm dates and then whinges that she hasn't been able to spend time with her daughter. Insane!

maggied_2

I agree Daksa - I think she's too dumb to have even thought that through (there is a warning notice on the CO saying that non compliance will be viewed as contempt of court and punishable by fine, prison or unpaid work.

She's been given plenty of chance already - in fact she had between the court date (around 3rd Feb) until last week to offer dates herself - it was only when she didn't that OH had to request them and now she's arguing over them AND demanding flexibility for when it suits her.

I can see OH back in court pretty soon!

She will be getting a polite but pointed letter shortly pointing out certain matters. Luckily OH has kept all messages from Psycho marks I and II and they make for very interesting reading, including one saying "bye bye holidays" from the X....complete loon....

Blonde_Bint

Hi Maggied, I'm just having a lurk over here really at the moment, but just wanted you to keep this point in your mind: keep plugging away at it, keep sticking to your guns, you will bend over backwards no more for her. Standing up for yourself does not make you the bad person in all of this:) even though your pwc make tell you try to make you feel that it is XX

Blonde_Bint

forgot to add, when the going gets tough dont forget you can always let it out over here on us