Give pocket money as pay, otherwise you're 'trust fund teaching': blog discussion

Spikeg33

Fi27 wrote: »

I found out she was ignoring me alot, keeping secrets from me and contradicting me as a parent, therfore confusing MY son with HER views and opinions. She came round one day when i was at work and helped my son to move out and into her house. He couldn't understand why i was giving him such a hard time while she was handing him everything on a plate. We dont speak now. None of us.

Sorry to hear about you and your son, I sympathise with you as something similar happened to me, my son couldn't take the rules etc that go with being a teenager either.

I agree that children need to be taught the value of money from an earlier age now as they seem to want everything too soon. My daughter, 10 does not get PM so to speak, but if she does well in spellings, dance exams etc gets a financial reward (between £1 up to £5 for dancing) DS1, age 13 gets £10 DS2, age 15 gets £10 also plus £5 for lunch at school. They both have a small job that they do for someone on Saturdays (about 2.5 hours work) and that earns them £10 extra each. They buy everything they want out of this money, including family birthdays, mother's day (HA! HA! son just came in with primark bag!!!!!!). I tend to buy most of their clothes, but they do not get new clothes all the time. Oh the joys of being a parent

sariec

horsechestnut wrote: »

I think that children should get a small amount of pocket money as being part of the family. And if times are hard then they have to learn that things can be difficult- there is enough about "the credit crunch" on T.V.
Equally, I feel that children should not be paid to do any work at home; it should be done as being part of the family. Everyone pitches in.
This way they do not grow up expecting to get paid for everything that they do and it fosters a good attitude to just getting "stuck-in" and not expecting extra pay or time off in lieu etc. (Makes them more employable because they have a positive attitude)

I really agree with this approach. My boys get a small amount of money - 10p per week per year of their age i.e. 8 year old gets 80p /week. We started when the eldest was 7, the middle one then started at 6 (the baby doesn't get any yet!). They're not expected to do anything in particular for this, it's a case of us sharing the family income (I'm a stay at home mum and I don't get paid for doing the housework!) but they are expected to help with tasks appropriate to their age and ability (e.g. making their beds, laying the table, emptying the dishwasher etc).

If they do anything exceptional e.g. cleaning the car, or give lots of extra help (fruit picking springs to mind) they might get a bit extra. Equally, if they were very badly behaved they might sacrifice some of their pocket money.

I think it's very important that children learn from an early age to do things for their intrinsic value (the sense of satisfaction of doing something for its own sake, or to help someone else) rather than because they will be rewarded "extrinsically" i.e. financially or with a sticker or whatever.

[Deleted User]

My children, now adults, all had a small amount of pocket money from the age of 5 until 16 when it stopped as they were expected to take part time jobs.

Each used their money in a different way. One saved to buy things, one spent the money immediately and the third just saved in a miserely way - never spending.

People seem to have different attitudes to money from a very young age and parents can only try to give guidance.

Fi27

angelcakes_smw wrote: »

Also, what 'jobs' do you give a 4 year old??? I just dont know when and how to introduce this to her properly.

I work in a 4 year olds nursery class, there are lots of little jobs they can do such as tidying up their toys, sweeping the floor with a little dustpan & brush, setting the table, matching up the socks after washing, sorting the washing into different colours, putting washing in the machine, hanging it up on the airing stand etc. They love to help you at that age and the key is to make it fun almost like playing a game and then praise them for helping. With your own children i would focus on the helping part then if you wanted to reward with some money at the end of the week you can say it's for helping mummy so well.

In nursery we explain to them that it's kind to help others and that we can get the jobs done much quicker if we alll work together, they all do it (some take more encouraging than others!) and they dont get paid for it! If the children have done particularly well we might read a favorite story or go for a run about outside but they have come to accept that tidying up is a part of life. We dont expect it to be perfect, when they sweep the floor they are really just pushing the mess around but thats not the point. Sometimes things take a bit longer to do aswell so it's best if your not in a hurry!

Hope that helps.

petercobby

We did this in the 1980's and early '90's when out 2 boys were teens (now 33 and 31 years old. They washed up, walked the dogs, helped in the garden, cleaned the car, cleaned all rooms in the house. They learnt the value of money as it was additional to a paper round and we told them that, if they wanted holidays extra to those we took as a family, they would have to pay for them. Son number 1 now has a family and has to manage a budget and does it well. He has paid off his student loan and copes with all the family demands. Son number 2 now has his own business and runs it very well. Their cousins, who did have the same regime imposed on them, now go to their Dad for extra money for their families, although in fairness there are extra circumstances in play. As a teacher I used to extol the virues of pay-your-way to my teenage students. It is never too young to start teaching them about the value of money.

JEV_3

While a lot of the ideas are good I disagree with the idea of rewarding children for passing exams. What would you do if you had twins (or triplets - some people are careless) with differing academic abilities.

They get enough comparisons without a financial penalty as well. Reward for their effort in revising for the exams and not the vagaries of exam boards etc.

The concept of savings is taught but you still have the personality of each child and how they tackle money issues to take into account. I have a hoarder, a spender and one who when they are aware of the money will spend it but can save if they forget it is building up. All taught the same lessons throughout their lives.

heavenlystar

I give my seventeen year old son £100 a month. He has to get his petrol for his moped out of that and it also goes towards his social life. However, I often treat him if he's going out and if he hasn't taken his moped, my husband, daughter or I will pick him up so he has no cab fares. I also buy most of clothes although he doesn't ask me to, in fact he rarely asks for anything.
He does help around the house sometimes, but that's because he lives there and not in return for pocket money.
If we could afford it, he would get more. I'd love to pay for driving lessons for him and buy him a car.
I don't want him to get a part-time job. I want him to enjoy being young and having no responsibilities.
My parents did the same for me and yet I have always been very good with money. I believe we all have to learn soon enough.

Polly

My sons are 14 and 12 and last year I gave them £6 per week each for pocket money. This is linked to chores and they know that no chores = no money. However, they got through it nearly the same day they got it (went to the shop on Friday nights and blew it on sweets and comics). I then decided to pay my eldest son monthly (£26) and was amazed at how disciplined he became about his money as he just refused to break his £20 note each month. He even started to save! My younger son then asked for the same arrangement and it has definitely worked for him too. Sometimes they have a blow out on something they really want but it leaves them broke for the rest of the month. But that's ok because they understand this now and know it's been their choice. It's a lesson I wished I had learned as a child and may have saved me from debt problems later in life. I'm not in debt anymore but struggled with it for more years than I care to mention. Hope this helps someone.

MileySmiley_2

My son has been getting pocket money since the age of 5 (50p a week), he is now 14.
I give him £50 per month, this is for going out with friends, sweets, £10 on his phone, any games he wants for his console, clothes (not sch uniform or sch shoes or pj's & underwear).
He also uses this money for spending money on school trips.

I don't give him set amounts for doing chores, he does what he is asked to do which generally is walking the dog 3 times a week for an hr, picking up dog poos in the garden, putting out rubbish and recycling, putting bins out for collection every week, putting his clothes away after I have ironed them, hoovering and cleaning his bedroom once a week, he will often hoover all the bedrooms and hall and also help tidy the garden....i could go on.
My 9 yr old daughter does chores aswell and she gets £10 a month as she doesn't have a phone or buy her own clothes.
I know some ppl will think this is a lot of money for my son but I budget in other areas so I can afford to give him this, he budgets too and often will put a little money away.
At xmas and birthdays they both have to save half and then they can spend the rest on things they need.

Patsie99

We have one 10 year old and we don't want to spoil her. So she has a chore chart with daily chores, helping well area and other for great school work. A tick for each thing done each tick is worth 10p, Sunday morning is pay day, we trust her to add the ticks up. The first £1 goes into her 'clothes fund' (set up with £20, she gets to buy what she wants, within reason, but she has to pay back at least £1 a week to teach her to budget for what she wants) then half is fon and half for holiday spends this has beeb going on since she has been old enough to make her bed and tidy up behind herself oh and we also had a 'go to bed well' coloumn, worked a treat, still does!