spiralling debts are getting me down

vicki98_2

hi all, its been a while since i've posted on the DFW thread as things were staring to get under control .. how wrong could i be!

I have a bad credit rating and masses of debt all gained whilst I was studying at uni. some of these I have managed to pay off whilst studying but others are hanging over me like a dark cloud. I had payment plans arranged with all of my creditors but since I had to give up work for a voluntary placement, I have had no income whatsoever so managed to put everything on hold. I am due to start a full time job once they have received a CRB check but a present I have no idea when this will be.

The problem I now have is with the other half! He is terrible with money!

He has has CCJs in the past but none of these have appeared on his credit reports (from all 3 agencies) so we can only assume these have now dropped off .. he 'thinks' they were settled. He has 2 defaults (loan & overdraft) and is currently repaying £150 per month towards the total amount of £11000ish. He is unable to upgrade his bank account from a basic to a current account because of his credit score.
As I have said, I cannot repay anything other than a few token payments off my own debts because I have no income until job starts ... it seems OH is thinking the same.

Most of the bills are in his name (only one is joint names) but he has paid nothing off them for ages. The water company are on our backs because he missed 2 months, the gas board (from our last house) agreed to him paying £20 per month but he has not yet done so so they are also on his back. 2 direct debits were set up on my account for bills but I have had to cancel them as he has not transferred the money into my account so I risked going overdrawn and being charged.
i am absolutely fuming about his sloppy approach to money. I think he is leaving the bills until my job starts thinking it will be easier to pay then .. it will but surely we/he risks more defaults whilst I wait for a start date and 1st months pay.

the constant reminders and threats of legal action are really getting me down but he doesn't seem too bothered. I have tried to talk some sense into him (along the lines of 'if we don't spend on this we can pay something off that debt') but he just gets stroppy and doesn't listen or walks off in a sulk.

Trouble is, the debts are mounting up, he won't listen to me (I think he is of the impression that the debts will disappear if he ignores them) and even though he has considered CCCS & payplan, he has done nothing else about it.

I'm not sure what to do without getting myself into further debt and/or having major row with OH. I know things will be much easier when i start work but until then everything is getting out of control!

Any advice/encouragement?

Mike_St_Helens

Hi Vik,

First of all ... Get yourself round to mine tonight, its Sat and I've an invite thread going on. It'll calm you down, bring a bottle... and we'll all chat and give you help in what you want to do...

Right - The fella... I may be speaking out of term here, but is it Love? If so then we will all help you support him and you to the treetops, if not... get rid... if he cant be ars**d to talk now, then when things do get bad then he will just run off again.

Next - Dont worry... Nothing can be as bad as it seems, I know that sounds rubbish bow, but its true... I know.

Last (from me).. for now... Get yaself to payplan, tell them the whole thing, they are fab and they will tell you exactly what to do.

Mike xx

lifebegins

Welcome back and congratulations on the new job.
Can you hassle the people who do the CRB check so you can start the job sooner to help with your payments?
Even so, I doubt that you paying off your OH's debts is going to be the solution unless he changes his behaviour. Can you help him to think of a goal you both really want in the future, and get him to see that it won't happen unless he's put this debt behind him?
Best of luck xx

spud30

Vicki,

I have just reveived my CRB check through, and it took 2 months.

I work in a school, and was allowed to work prior to my check coming through, they just did a risk assessment before I started.

I doubt you could hassle them into doing it any quicker, I think they are inundated at the moment.

Good luck

x

vicki98_2

I have been onto new employer who has said they will put pressure on whoever does the CRB after they have waited 6 weeks .. i don't know who else to contact.

OH has the goal of buying our house (its a council house and we have the right to buy). I can see some sense in this as we needed to spend a fair bit on doing it up and we still do but have had to put it all on hold because of a lack of money. I can't see how either of us would get a mortgage but thats something else we would need to look into as we are entitled to a full discount of £26000 so could get the house reasonably cheap (last time we enquired, it would be around £27000 to buy. So that leads to another problem as OH thinks taking more money on mortgage then we would need to buy the place would allow him to pay all debts off and start afresh (btw i have no idea whether he can do this and as yet have no idea about mortgages .. thats another story).
Other than buying the house, he has no goals to meet as he does them anyway. For instance, given that we are skint and recently moved house, I said we would not have a holiday this year but spend the money more wisely on debts/decorating. all agreed. OH however decided that he wanted to go away fishing with his mate (they haven't been for 2 years) so, instead of sacrificing this, he went ahead and booked it. He can pay this off .. because it is his holiday and it is booked .. but he can't pay off anything else!

MCBIRNIE25

Hi Vicky, it seems your oh has yet to have his lb moment.
Can you write to the creditors on his behalf? Can you get omney off him on payday and pay from your account.
Buying a council house is a good idea, we did this, and you can go to a provider who may charge you a slightly higher mortgage rate, but, you can get extra on top pay off your bills, and still maintain reasonable payments. Howeve,r only do this if you can both be responsible. Worth stressing to OH that he will need to clear the bills, to work out a proper budget for when you apply for the mortgage.
Hope it all works out good for ya.
Me ;-)

Mike_St_Helens

GGRrr... Fishing trip... and when are you bobbing off for a shpooing trip....

I note you didnt answer my question... maybe think wisley about buying the house....

Go get me another drink, its going to be a long night.

x

vicki98_2

hi again mike!!

yeah i didnt answer cos i missed your post when i replied... sorry!

its definitley a love thing .. its just a little irritating at times!! two sips of my wine and i'm feeling much better already. best not to let it bother me .. i think my debts are priority and he can sort his own !!!!!! out until i have a little more patience.

and yeah ... a fishing trip. But i have got a girly weekend in london in the pipeline arranged for January so at least theres something to look forward to!

coming back to your party now ..

jaja_3

mmmh, yes the OH does need his own lightbulb moment, after struggling with my own debt on two legs, he has 'just' this year worked it out, and is amazing me each day by the 'new him'.

Just now he said "Need to get some money from the bank for the enterance on car boot, but will leave it till tomorrow so its not two trips out" now for him that really is a MEGA achievement. Wonder how old your OH is, mine has reached 36 and now seems to be learning the error of his ways at long last. So, I do know you you feel, can get very frustrating.

Have a good party with Mike & Co:beer:

jaja

vicki98_2

just thinking about it .. he does save on certain things so maybe he has had a small lightbulb flicker!!

I'm gonna stop hassling him about it i think, I know from my own experience how annoying it can be for people to tell you how to manage your money and sort yourself out. and at least he's paying something off his biggest debt so thats a start!

Plus, now i have calmed down a touch, things could be a lot worse .. our next door neighbours constantly have bailiffs knocking on the door and she is always hiding away from them .. so at least we haven't got to that stage and most of it (the bills) can probably be dealt with by a simple phone call.

Glitterari

My CRB took over 4 months to come through, but I was allowed to start work before then - I just wasn't allowed to be unsupervised around children. I think this was largely due to me having lived in 4 different counties in the past 6 years (or however long they go back) and it will be 5 come september when I need a new one for my course :rolleyes:

Actually i have the number (somewhere) to call the CRB people direct...the council got bothered with me hassling them each week so they gave me the number so i could hassle CRB direct!