The future

wdamci

Tomthumb wrote:

Get yourself a tent then you can pack up and go somewhere overnight when you feel need to escape - congrats on almost clearing those debts!!!

Cheers

Back in the days when i was really low i used to disappear overnight in the car with my tent to a nearby campsite. I simply didnt want to be bothered by anyone. Looking back i dont know what i was all about back then.
Anyways havent got a tent or a car anymore but thinking now about going for a weekend break myself. Ill probably tell my folks where im going this time.

Ive been thinking some more and i dont actually mind my lifestyle at the minute. Ive got a descent job and i enjoy my weekends (usually). Its just the thought that next year i will be doing the exact same and will not have gotten any further in life. I realy need to do something about this. Maybe its a g/f i need. Kind of avoided that for a few years now.

wdamci

fishface-69 wrote:

Like others congrats of nearly clearing the debt! Sounds like you're in a rut...have you got any hobbies? HAd careers couns etc? When I feel like this have tried to look at what it is that is making me unhappy because if I'm unhappy here I'll be unhappy there IYKWIM? Possibly need to look at that? Re places like Australia why dont you investgate & use the internet to find out of you could move (various processes, places etc) so that you can at least see if its a realistic goal? Hope this was of help? Good luck with whatever you decide! I always wanted to move to New York but think in hindsight it was just the shopping & when I went there realised that they were so rude that it would get me down day in day out!!

Have to ask. IYKWIM? what does that mean?

lynsayjane

wdamci wrote:

lol. Ive just opened a can. Only got a couple in the house but i felt thirsty all of a sudden.

And im actually smiling. You must have said the magic words. Either taht or its the can. :rotfl:

i also have jam donuts if that sweetens the deal? lolz

as for finding a gf i have a very simple thought on that one. DON'T! i have so many friends who think this will be the answer to their happiness problems, and i'm living proof that it's not! if you start a relationship feeling miserable you will always be looking to that person to make you happy. what you have to do is find your happy by yourself, then when you find your single world is complete allow someone to join it ( i would say find someone but once your happy they'll be queueing up! it's a guarentee).

lynsayjane

wdamci wrote:

Have to ask. IYKWIM? what does that mean?

if you know what i mean

kathfisch

wdamci, congrats on getting your debt nearly cleared :T

Have you been working at paying off your debts for a while? Perhaps that's whats kept you going, that's been the reason to carry on here, as it were? And now that there's gonna be no debt you feel like there must be something more to life than this? I'm just guessing here, correct me if I'm on the wrong track!

I would suggest that perhaps you've attached your feelings of unhappiness, or dissatisfaction maybe, to your lack of money, paying off debts and the hard work that that has involved. And so maybe you expected that, once the debt was gone, you would feel differently?

You seem dissatisfied with life in general and your reaction is to want to get away, which is totally understandable. As people have said though, problems and worries will go with you to a new place, often multiplied by feeling alone etc, they will not all be left behind. You don't seem to have a particular place that you aspire to go (i.e. somewhere you've fallen in love with and could imagine setting up a life), it seems that what you really want is just to 'get away'. But away from what? Sad to say, perhaps the problems you want to get away from are within yourself rather than in the specific place you happen to live now.

Ask yourself, what is your dream? If housing and other practicalities were no issue, what would you want to be doing, where would you want to be?! I don't mean 'lying on a tropical beach sipping cocktails without a care in the world' , I mean what kind of job would you love to do? What sort of lifestyle appeals to you, fast paced city businessman (or woman) or slower country living, growing your own vegetables?!?! Ok, so those are exaggerations but hopefully you see what I mean. Spend some time thinking about what your ultimate dream would be, get your priorities in order (which is more important - money or job satisfaction for example?) and you might feel a bit clearer on what changes you'd like to make.

I'm not suggesting that a move or change of career isn't a good idea, it might be just what you need, but do it because it'll get you closer to that dream, not because it might let you 'get away'. The extra money, now that you have no debts, will hopefully help you to do whatever you want but it won't just make you happy itself! Perhaps start with small changes - join a salsa dancing class or a knitting club - whatever interests you!

Ok, enough waffling from me!

Best wishes x

wdamci

To be honest i havent worked hard at the debts until recently. I had a trust deed and i didnt put as much effort into it as much as what most folk in here do. Managed to get a few debts after the trust deed. Cheating i know but i payed for it in the end. I really dont know what state i would be in if it wasnt for the trust deed. I really admire some of the folks on here for the way the can manage debts that will take years to pay up.:T

Anyways i think you are right when it comes to the unhappiness not being part of the debt. I was unhappy before and was on a trail of self destruction. I mean by this i went about life without a care in the world where it was going and what i was doing to myself. Eventually it had to stop. I was very good at sticking my head in the sand. The only reason i went to CAB about debt was because the day i got paid the bank took all my monthly wage and i couldnt afford the petrol to get to work. Turned up i racked up over £40000 worth of debt.

So Cab sorted me out and i was happy for about a couple of months but then it went downhill again. This is when the getting away thought came in. I was on antidepressants and had counsilling. For the past year ive been off the antidepressants and been managing to have a bit of fun at the weekends. Thats how i managed to work up a little more debt but ive nearly cleared that now and my trust deed has ended. Through all this ive managed to keep a descent job and my flat and now have a debt free future to look forward too.

So everything should be looking rosy now but it isnt. Im not feeling really low, if i did i would be straight back to the doctors again. I just feel i really need change, but its a change away from here i want. Where i dont know.

When it comes to hobbies i really dont know what i would like. Mind you ive been thinking about getting a motorbike a lot so maybe that would help. But again this would cost money which i wont be able to save up until well after summer ends. Mind you its probably a better and more realistic solution than emigrating to the other end of the world or something.

I bet you guys have posted 3 more replies in the time ive wrote this lol:rotfl:

kathfisch

It sounds as though you're very self-aware nowadays, and not sticking your head in the sand any more, which is great! I'm glad that you say you're not feeling really low, but that if you did you'd go back to the doctor. Its hard to admit when you need help (like cab, counselling etc) but you've managed this and cleared your debt with their help :T

Just remember that feeling low is hard but it almost always passes, and is replaced by a more positive feeling. Ups and downs are part of everyone's life and we just have to try and gradually tip the balance in favour of the up times! Nothing's going to make everything fabulous all of a sudden, that's not a real life kinda thing, but just small things can add up to help you feel more positive.

There must be some things that you'd like to do, just small things that you'd enjoy. A day out somewhere perhaps, or hire a motorbike (since you like that idea) on one of these lovely sunny days and ride somewhere beautiful, have lunch in a nice pub and just enjoy the scenery.

You do sound quite depressed and I know when you feel like that its very hard to be positive or feel motivated about anything at all. But do try to avoid sitting around and feeling miserable, just making yourself go out and do something, anything, can help to get rid of those cobwebs. Go for a walk somewhere nice, go to the beach and enjoy an ice cream. Even just walk into town and buy a magazine you like, something small for you to have the feeling of enjoying it. Please don't think I'm trying to be patronising, I speak from experience of depression and I understand at least some of what you're feeling.

Do you have anyone you feel that you can talk to? It really can be good to chat to people, even if its not sharing your deepest thoughts etc. Just having someone over to your house, having a takeaway and playing computer games/watching a movie/generally having a laugh can lift your spirits no end!

So give yourself a (gentle ) kick up the bum and do something nice this weekend, something you enjoy! We've got fabulous weather for it (hope you have too) so there's no excuses

lynsayjane

darling i think in this instance what you need is my dear friends del amitri and their song 'some other suckers parade'

'i musta had a million damn unlucky days, but there ain't no cloud that a bottle can't chase away. i've done my deal of living ran from place to place. but when the roof comes in i don't wanna take it straight.
they say with faith any soul can make it but hell why should i wait till the clouds go rain on some other suckers parade'

and so on and so forth. the whole songs flaming brilliant! in fact i've just stuck on their best of album, download yourself a copy, have a drink and dance round the place like a wally...always cheers me up!

wdamci

Cheers

Going for a walk down town tomorrow. Dont know whats brought this mood on. Maybe just cos its Friday and im not out. My mate asked me to go on Holiday earlier on in the week and i just thought i could but i really dont want to save and go on holiday to spain for 2 weeks. If i do go anywhere id rather go myself and for longer. Cant explain this. Besides i want to get myself settled with money first and learn to budget before doing anything. Then theres the motorbike to save for.

The thought of a bike actually cheers me up. Maybe it will be a good thing and i wont feel the need to get away. Suppose i just need to hold my head up high and look on the positive side.

wdamci

lynsayjane wrote:

darling i think in this instance what you need is my dear friends del amitri and their song 'some other suckers parade'

'i musta had a million damn unlucky days, but there ain't no cloud that a bottle can't chase away. i've done my deal of living ran from place to place. but when the roof comes in i don't wanna take it straight.
they say with faith any soul can make it but hell why should i wait till the clouds go rain on some other suckers parade'

and so on and so forth. the whole songs flaming brilliant! in fact i've just stuck on their best of album, download yourself a copy, have a drink and dance round the place like a wally...always cheers me up!

lol. I think i might just do that

Right now ive just watched The Feeling at T in the park. Twas there with my two friends. Best weekend in years. Just cheered me right up.:T :T :T

Going to watch Pirates of the Carribean and get some kip whilst im in a good mood. Tomorrows another day. Maybe ill go to the motorbike shop and look at some bikes tomorrow. Should keep me in a good mood.

Cheers Guys