Help hopefully sorting my life out!

work_needed

Where to start. I need some advice on where to go from here but also hope this is a warning for anyone wanting to "live" on benefits!!!

Currently on Income Support, Incapacity Benefit & Child Benefit. Married living in a Council house (fully paid by H.B.), Council Tax Benefit fully paid to. Eldest stepson in University, and 2nd eldest stepson currently living with us but going to University in September. 4 more children living at home, stepson and my son from previous marriage currently at secondary school. 2 children from current relationship daughter in Nursery, son 1.

Been on I.S., Incapacity most of my life - reading the other threads I know I am going to receive a rough time and what can I say I already agree with you. So much so that in December I planned to take my own life - couldn't even go through with that! Although happy I didn't for many reasons not least my family but I still have the problems and I don't know how to solve them.

So I want off the benefits and in to work or at least education, been to the doctor and trying to arrange some counselling which to be fair is not what I went for but is probably very much needed. Been on benefits for so long and nothing to show for my miserable life I can't see employers falling over themselves for me, so education is something I would like to consider and possibly even work towards working for myself. I still have a few problems with going out, social issues and a fear of places new but I am working very hard on this (I just tell everyone I am anti-social). Although entitled to incapacity I want to remove it as I feel this holds me back mentally just as D.L.A. did when I was originally on that (further details below if bothered). Does anyone know how this will effect my benefits and the help my children going to University receive?

As work seems very unlikely, I would like to re-educate myself with a view to working for myself (although I don't rule out working for someone else if the opportunity is there). Again does anyone know what options I have as to re-education and how will these effect benefits. I don't want to be on benefits but I have no other income.

If anyone can help then thank you. If you want to slag me off then go ahead but I doubt you could do worse than I say to myself every minute of every day.

If anyone is seriously thinking of living on benefits. Don't, it ruins your life. You have no self-esteem, if you are like me you will feel like their is no point to life. Now the fearful submit button -- should I be shaking....

Thank you.
wn



For those who need more: How someone made a complete mess of his life:

- When I was much younger (nearly 20 years ago). I was attacked one night resulting in me sitting around in my own dribble for many many years!
- Unable to work (or even talk much!) was let go by my work and my then wife became my carer and with help from my "mother" got her on to benefits and D.L.A. for me. My life ended!
- I was put on a ton of drugs and had very little help in improving my mental or physical situation. Unfortunately I don't think anyone was really looking out for me as these drugs were not really helping get better just stay as I was!
- About 8 years ago I feel as if I suddenly woke up because I suddenly got fed up with drugs and once I discovered I was "disabled" and on D.L.A. I cancelled it. Actually had D.L.A. convince me I should still claim! Although I did for a short time, I did again cancel it.
- I did have many issues and still do which left me with problems with going out never mind finding work. So I was on Income Support, Incapacity, Child Benefit (still am)

My marriage ended, she wasn't happy when I wanted to get off D.L.A. and get better! Then about 6 years ago I met the lady I am with now and my life improved massively. Things have improved ever since but I have always had this fear of going out (although massively improved) and that is always holding me back plus never knowing what I could do to change my circumstances. Worried that any job centre if I could get over the fear of walking into one, would simply put me on some job training scheme or work that I simply couldn't cope with doing immediately plus the fear of how this would all impact on my family. Loss of benefit income with which one has relied, even if wrongly, is still going to hit hard and with children at Uni and going to Uni and the others looking likely to go the same way (we do a lot of work on their education - no way do I want any of them to end up like me!! Want them to be how I was before all this began!). No one wants their circumstances to worsen but my wife and I have spoken and we know this will reduce out income, we are prepared for that but obviously want to minimise the effect it has on our family as much as possible. So a useless no hope benefits bum, yes, but one that wants to change so hopefully advice received will help. Thank you.

missmontana

Have you thought about Distance Learning, The Open University?

http://www3.open.ac.uk/study/explained/

DX2

What a refreshing honest post OP! I can't offer you any advice as I am not that clued up regarding the effects of benefits and education much, I would however like to wish you all the luck in the world with whatever decision you come to.

AnxiousMum

Have to definitely agree with you DX2 - I'm sure that NeedWork has also thought about the fact that as the children grow up, the benefits disappear, leaving people then in a situation where there is no income.

Needwork - I wish you every success with your decision - overcoming your fears will be hard, but it sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive wife who will be there to help you every inch of the way. Your children should be very proud of you!

Check back here - as someone will have the information you are looking for - just wanted to give a virtual hug for such an open and honest post

tigerlily

Major qudos to you op. I have nothing but words of support and wishing you all the best.xx

kingfisherblue

I am on IS, as I am carer for my disabled son. I studied part time for my degree at university, which took five years. The fees were paid by the local council and I also received £250 a year towards books, transport, childcare, etc - not a lot, but it all helps!

During the time I was doing my degree, I also volunteered in a primary school, and later in a special school. These placements were because I was studying education.

Voluntary work can help with experience and references.

Good luck x

welshmoneylover

Have a look at the website for The Open University, its very empowering.

Good luck x

work_needed

missmontana thank you for the very useful link, checking it out now.

kingfisherblue how was you able to get local council funding, do you have to apply for it?

DX2, AnxiousMum, tigerlily, welshmoneylover thank you for the supportive posts much more than I deserve but thank you. Amazing how simple replies like yours can make you suddenly not feel so alone.

I had thought about I.C.S. courses etc. but again money was an issue and choosing a course that has the possibility to give me a chance of working for myself or of getting work at the end. Also would probably like some kind of refresher course first to get me back into the swing of things (this is something that the missmontana link might help with). The other concern with correspondence courses is how much real practical use the courses will be in the real world.

Voluntary work is something I would like to get into but not sure how. I've always had an interest in technology & math. Computers obviously. Not done much in 20 years but in the last few years I have started to teach (or remind) myself a few little things, PC builds, PHP, Java, HTML (wow how things have moved on!). Do you think it would be possible to get voluntary work in any of these type of areas? I have a major lack of confidence although I try to hide it so that probably wouldn't help much either but of course I will fight this if the opportunities arise. Book keeping courses spring to mind, computers / math seems elementary. Is there much call for book keepers, I would assume with PC's everywhere and simple book keeping software everyone keeps their own books?

I really appreciate the advice, really appreciated. Please keep it coming. Still be interested to hear from anyone who knows how education, or even just removing my Incapacity would effect the rest of the benefits. Thinking about it would a correspondence course even count as education in the eyes of job centres / benefits people? If I became a student (hours?) how would that effect benefits while I was doing the courses? My hope is that just doing a course would not only give me the education to get work or be my own boss but help improve my self-esteem and confidence which hopefully by the end of the course I will have or be able to rejoin the human race.

Again thank you.

welshmoneylover

If you became a student I do not believe it would affect your benefits.
You will be entitled to *I'd imagine* full funding with access to NONREPAYABLE grants, though not sure how this would affect you benefits.

But it is something you can look into. don't give up, it's most refreshing to read a genuine post like yours.

welshmoneylover

Heck, if it boosts your confidence I'd say go for it.

welshmoneylover

PS, don't go forking out or signing up for courses that require you to pay £000s upfront. Not needed.