Allocating housework amongst family - does this work for anyone?

1sttimer_2

Moan time here I'm afraid!

I work full time, OH works from home (full time?) and DD2 also works full time. So come to the housework - guess who does the most? (No need to reply I can guess the answers LOL)

I've tried making lists and getting them organised into what they are to do, and everyone (especially DD2) is so pleased and eager, then just about 1-2 weeks down the line it all falls pear shaped and gets left. I've even tried ignoring the others job list and just do my own but it gets me down to the extent that I do it - just to get it done. DD does have a longer work journey time than me or OH but she makes just as much mess as anyone else. OH has kept to his 2-3 jobs he agreed to but doesn't do, or even offer to do, any extra. The worst jobs no-one wants to do is the floors - either vaccing or washing, the windows/glass doors or the bathroom/toilet.

How does everyone else manage? My home is like a tip most days and the person who seems most bothered by it is me! If DD does mention anything about the mess, I tell her where the cleaning items are and she then shuts up but doesn't do anything about it :mad: OH never even notices the mess so I don't know if that's a good thing or not :rolleyes:

Where am I going wrong? I'm surely not the only one with this problem? Can anyone give me any pointers? - PLEASE!

wigginsmum

DH and I work fulltime; his two kids visit occasionally. I handle the laundry and cooking and allocate the rest of it all to them with a time limit on when it has to be done (usually when they arrive on a Friday night eg. 'You're in charge of all the washing-up this weekend'). If DH doesn't wash up, I go on strike and don't cook - we've been known to have used every plate/cup/cutlery in the house and the sink's been full and stinking for nearly a week; in those circumstances, I make sure I eat at work and go out for the evening so DH is left to sort it out. If stepdaughter doesn't tidy her room, I go in with a black bag and throw things out etc. If there's ad hoc stuff that needs doing, I share it during the week with DH. He won't use his initiative and just do stuff but he's usually pretty good if I tell him straight what I'd like him to do.

squeaky

Doesn't work for US.

There are 82 of us here. The cat (Sally) and the 80 white cloud mountain minnows all expect to be waited on hand and foot. Idle gits.

sexymouse

I have that problem - my OH won't do any housework - he always says I'm nagging him, and his excuse is always (I've been working all day) - as if I haven't! It's so infuriating! When he does do housework, he does washing on his day off, and always manages to ruin everything, despite strict instructions as to which colours to seperate etc. Last week, it was tissues through the wash, the week before, he dyed the ovengloves a weird purple colour, and I no longer own a pair of white knickers any more!

Penelope_Penguin

squeaky wrote:

Doesn't work for US.

There are 82 of us here. The cat (Sally) and the 80 white cloud mountain minnows all expect to be waited on hand and foot. Idle gits.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Hi, 1sttimer. I reckon your children (and OH) should be doing their bit. They'll have to do it for themselves one day.

Mine are 11 and 13, and what works for us is not a list of chores, but a 30 minute "Fly Baby" in the early evening. We put on the timer, and DH and I direct operations. Children have to do any chores required for 30 minutes. This doesn't include tidying their own rooms, though.

Another thing we do is to ask each of us what we like best (or dislike least ). I prefer ironing and cooking, DH cleaning floors and hoovering, DD dusting, cooking and washing up, DS gardening.

Squeaky, Get those fish out doing some weeding. :eek: :eek:

Penny. x

jayarr_2

I've devised a list of jobs for eldest-only 3-4 things a day, and nothing big, same will be done when daughter finishes this week for the summer, again, nothing huge but it all adds up..

I'm a FT student so I've got the summer 'off' and I enjoy being a SAHM for a few weeks but I dont see why that should mean I do EVERYTHING

Softstuff

I found there was only 1 solution to me working full time, having to do all the housework and having a husband idle on his bum... divorce :T

I tried everything to get some help, nothing worked.

Now happily I've met a guy who helps me out that way, and providing we both work full time we get a pretty equal share of housework. Though a thought has been for me to go part time and do the lot, which I wouldn't mind at all.

I sympathise wholeheartedly with you on this one, I've been there and done that. Might I suggest, if he is a professional kind of guy, sending him an invoice. Itemise each aspect of the housework as though it were a profession i.e Chef, cleaner, ironing service... and put with it an appropriate amount. Give him that and suggest if he doesn't lift a finger at home he'd better find some overtime because he'll have to employ all those people.

squeaky

Penelope_Penguin wrote:

Squeaky, Get those fish out doing some weeding. :eek: :eek:

They don't like it outside.

Every time I've taken them for a walk they insist on playing in the puddles.


But to get back on topic...

..before my ex became my ex she had previously given up on having the kids do anything because it was a whole lot easier to do it herself than go through all the arguments to get kids to do something. Even then they'd often do it wrong, or badly, so she either had to go through the whole routine again or, as before, do it herself. This after a hard day's work.

Once we got together we'd take them in turns. Start off the arguments and the "You WILL fill the dishwasher..." and when she got tired I'd take over until it was darn well done! Harumph!

And if they did it wrong (on purpose I always felt) then they did it again.

It didn't take them too long to learn that "Doing it right the first time is a whole lot easier than having to do it twice."

That and the fact that we were determined not to give up. Their chores were not onerous, and the lines were clear and simple. It took about two months.

1sttimer_2

wigginsmum wrote:

If DH doesn't wash up, I go on strike and don't cook - we've been known to have used every plate/cup/cutlery in the house and the sink's been full and stinking for nearly a week;

This reminded me of the time (BC) when I went to visit my grandma in SA with my dad for 3 weeks. When I rang home with my return times, my OH said he had a surprise waiting for me! Ooh I could hardly wait to get home to see what it was. When I did arrive, I looked round and couldn't see anything, so I asked him what it was - his reply was that he had washed and tidied up! He thought I would be pleased to come home to a clean house:eek: He had used every cup/bowl/plate in the house before washing anything up:o If I had seen the mess - I would have been straight back on that plane! Perhaps that should have sent a message to my brain as to what I was to expect for the future :rolleyes:

1sttimer_2

sexymouse wrote:

I have that problem - my OH won't do any housework - he always says I'm nagging him, and his excuse is always (I've been working all day) - as if I haven't! It's so infuriating! When he does do housework, he does washing on his day off, and always manages to ruin everything, despite strict instructions as to which colours to seperate etc. Last week, it was tissues through the wash, the week before, he dyed the ovengloves a weird purple colour, and I no longer own a pair of white knickers any more!

At least he does some washing - in the 28 years we've been married, he's only done the washing a handful of times - and that's only recently! And when he did it, he broke the dial on the machine :eek:

BTW he only repaird the machine - I didn't get a new one!

gooismeid

Have I got a doppelganger on this forum then? firsttimer, you have exactly and in detail described what happens in my house. DH is eminently capable of doing any housework that's thrown at him, having been well trained by MIL who ran a bed&breakfast in Blackpool. However, he doesn't like doing housework and fails to see why it should get done at all until every pot is dirty, every towel is soaking wet, we've forgotten what colour the living room carpet is because it's covered in papers and toys and you can't see out of the windows for the dirt. I've tried going on strike and doing nothing for a few days but all that got me was depressed due to the level of dirt and rubbish around the house and no clean mugs or bathroom towels. I'm always the first to crack and he knows it. On occasion he's even offered to take responsibility for something, like washing up or putting the clean washing away, which lasts for a week and then he lapses into inactivity again. I'm desperately trying to inculcate a spirit of tidiness in our 2 kids (7 and 4) but failing miserably because they have such a bad example in their dad! However, I have found that "I'm coming into your room in 10 minutes and everything that's on the floor will be thrown away" tends to work quite well - it only takes one genuine chucking-out session to make them realise you're serious.

Sorry I don't have much constructive advice for you - but I can tell you that you have my utmost sympathy. You are definitely not alone on this one!