£100k debt in 7 years

skintdragon

poppy,

i am quite a newbie and only recently started to get my head around mortgages etc and sorting out debt, but after reading your posts it strikes me that there is no room for an honest and open discussion with your husband as to how to sort out the situation you are in. please don't think i am making a judgment on your relationship; definately not. but by the same token you should not feel compelled to take out a remortgage/ your name off the deed just to make peace and hope that things will fall into place because of a remortgage. some of the suggestions made by other members seem to be a good start; pride should not get in the way of your finances. think very carefully about this.

good luck.

Boozer

I really do not know what to say about your situation, but it looks like when you get the remortgage you are going to think all is good again, and most likely carry on as usual until you are back in this situation again, it is all too easy, you are already speaking about holidays and things.

If your husband would leave you for asking a debt charity for help, then i certinly would not be taking my name off the deeds, seems like you see the remortgage as a magic wand to make all the problems dissapear.
Not sure anything anybody on here says is going to make any difference anyway, looks like you are going to do it all the same, stay a member on here and let us know how it goes.

I know my post seems very negative, but i do wish you all the best and would like you to really think about the best way out of it and not just the easiest.

Button21

WASHER wrote: »

Poppy, I may be reading this completely wrong, but I suspect their is far more than debts and remortgaging going on, please be completely honest with us, are you having marriage difficulties? PLEASE GET LEGAL ADVICE BEFORE YOU REMOVE FROM YOURSELF FROM THE DEEDS.

Also you already know this, it isn't savings you have in the house, its equity, and should you not be able to pay this remortgage due to job loss, or sickness, you could lose your home - its very important to think very carefully before securing any unsecured debt.

hi everyone ive came to the library today to see if i had any more replies from everyone. it is so funny how people i dont know can get things right especially the post above. we are having marriage difficulties and always have had. he blames me for everything but it probably is my fault and i just do things to please him. i know this remortgage would please him because anything else is just too hard to do and we arent strong enough as a couple to get through anything like debt counselling. he is speaking about taking the kids on holiday to spain and is happy now.

i dont have much earning ability i left school with no qualifications and have just worked in shops and petrol stations but he has a good wage and he is main earner so i am worried what will happen to me and the kids if we split. i wouldnt have much hope of earning more than mimimum wage and if we sold the house i couldnt buy another one in my name so would have to rent or put my name on the council list but i probably wouldnt get one.

oh its a mess and a remortgage seems so easy if we didnt go back to overspending again. i honestly dont know what we spend our money on anyway? nothing luxury just living and that is honest.

thanks again everyone

poppy

JA1000

So this situation is a bit more serious than the debt issue. Well I am sorry but he allowed for all this debt to grow.

If you did split half the house is yours anyway and don't forget half of his pension fund.

WASHER

Poppy,

You have some difficult decisions to make, do you remortgage to please your husband in the short term and possibly come back here in a few years saying you've run up more debts, or do you be strong and tell him that a remortgage isn't what you want (and you cannot afford a holiday to spain either). I am concerned for you, if your marriage is in difficulty, the last thing you want to do is remove yourself from the Deeds, and get a remortgage, at the end of the day Poppy what is it going to solve? Nothing in the long term, I can tell you that.

WASHER

Poppy, it sounds to me also, your confidence is low, it doesn't matter if you can only get shop work or work in a petrol station, those jobs are just as important as some of the high earning jobs and shop work is alot more difficult too, heavy lifting, snotty customers, low pay, cr ap opening hours over Christmas etc.

You have got to start believing in yourself, you came here for help, and that takes guts, you are strong enough to tell your husband it isn't what you want, he cannot do anything without your permission anyway.

gonzo127

Hi Poppy

i have just read most of this thread and i really feel for your situation however as ever when kids are involved i am going to be a bit harsh and i really am sorry i just really hate it when people are 'doing the best for the kids' without seeming to think about them!

anyways a couple of things people have brought up which i really think you NEED to think about

the SOA which has been posted is showing you have a surplus of £400 a month however you have managed to get into £100,000 of debt on top of this in 7 years as people have pointed out this works out that you have been spending £1500 more than you earn EVERY MONTH to me this means the SOA that has been posted is very wrong and something you really need to do again and be honest with it

you have admitted you have got marriage difficulties and yet you are willing to take yourself of the deeds to the house - what would happen to you if he then decided to kick you and the kids out when he is one of his moods? you would have nothing to your name other than your debt! so how would you look after your kids?

WARNING HARSH QUESTIONS
if your husband would leave you for trying to get help for his family what sort of guy is he really?
is he worth all this stress?
why do you let him get away with being in control of you?
- these are just the first questions that spring to my mind, from reading the above you seem to bow down to his wims and wishes without thinking about the effect on you or your children, the next question is something only you can answer
would he change his outlook on life if he realised that his PRIDE could lose him his wife and children?

i really think you need to seriously consider not just your debt but your marriage as well. as from the details i have read (and yes i do realise there will be a lot more to your situation than i know) i can only see one way this is going to end and thats you in more debt, eventually losing your home and probably your husband at the same time since he will just blame you for everything!

i really do wish you all the best of luck in getting this sorted

planning_ahead_2

Hi Poppy

It doesn't really matter - but I was just wondering who inherited the house....you or your husband? This question really doesn't have any bearing on what you do or where you go from here....I am just being pure nosey.

I do think that if you inherited the house, you should think about the wishes of the person who left it to you....they would have wanted you to have it and therefore another reason to think about not taking your name off the deeds.

strictwithmoney

gonzo127 wrote: »

Hi Poppy

i have just read most of this thread and i really feel for your situation however as ever when kids are involved i am going to be a bit harsh and i really am sorry i just really hate it when people are 'doing the best for the kids' without seeming to think about them!

anyways a couple of things people have brought up which i really think you NEED to think about

the SOA which has been posted is showing you have a surplus of £400 a month however you have managed to get into £100,000 of debt on top of this in 7 years as people have pointed out this works out that you have been spending £1500 more than you earn EVERY MONTH to me this means the SOA that has been posted is very wrong and something you really need to do again and be honest with it

you have admitted you have got marriage difficulties and yet you are willing to take yourself of the deeds to the house - what would happen to you if he then decided to kick you and the kids out when he is one of his moods? you would have nothing to your name other than your debt! so how would you look after your kids?

WARNING HARSH QUESTIONS
if your husband would leave you for trying to get help for his family what sort of guy is he really?
is he worth all this stress?
why do you let him get away with being in control of you?
- these are just the first questions that spring to my mind, from reading the above you seem to bow down to his wims and wishes without thinking about the effect on you or your children, the next question is something only you can answer
would he change his outlook on life if he realised that his PRIDE could lose him his wife and children?

i really think you need to seriously consider not just your debt but your marriage as well. as from the details i have read (and yes i do realise there will be a lot more to your situation than i know) i can only see one way this is going to end and thats you in more debt, eventually losing your home and probably your husband at the same time since he will just blame you for everything!

i really do wish you all the best of luck in getting this sorted

Good comments.

I feel so sorry for you Poppy. Having relationship problem and debts are xtremely challenging. I will pray for you and wish you best of luck.

happyhaddock_2

Hi Poppy hope you're feeling ok:kisses3: after reading the above I do hope you will think very carefully before taking your name off the deeds or remortgaging, what does your friend say who originally posted for you.
PM me if you need to talk:)