Worried about coping...

AnnieH

my dd1 was 13 months when I got pregnant with dd2. Bigger age gap than your 2 will be, but it is nice when they are a bit older to see how close they are(when they're not fighting lol)

The 1st 3 months of any baby's life is the hardest I think for parents, no matter how many other kids you have. At least your 13 month old will still be having a nap (which you must try and get your head down as much as you can when the babies are sleeping)

Good luck:)

Bestthingsinlifearefree

Hi Pink Butterfly,

My wife is 28 weeks pregnant with our first and at times I wonder how we will cope with it all. So I think your fears are perfectly normal.

I guess just be positive and take one day at a time.

Things often turn out a lot better than you expect

Anyway. I wish you well.

Good luck.

Nicki

Pink_butterfly wrote:

What did your eldest think of the new arrival?? Did they just take it in there stride?

We decided as a policy that for the first few weeks if they both cried at the same time we would lift the older one first, partly because he would be easier to settle and partly so he didn't get jealous. As a result he never showed any signs of insecurity as a result of arrival of no 2, but six years later he does still think that he is top dog :rotfl:

We had a lovely little picture book which we read to him called "Waiting for baby" while we were waiting for the new arrival and also a book called "Baby loves" the last page of which is "Mummy and Daddy love baby more than anything in the world". We used to read this to him lots after the baby was born but change the last line to read "Mummy and Daddy love (his name) and (sister's name) more than anything in the world". He used to like that too.

Zziggi

There's 19 months between my DS & DD. Before getting pregnant i thought it was a lovely idea to have 2 kids close in age. Then in the month before DD was born I had exactly the same fears as you are having now. It was a that dreadfully hot august in 2003, i felt awful, OH had had to give up work due to ill health and we were coping with his health problems. It just seemed impossible.

The reality is that you do just cope. I think it is difficult in some ways to have 2 kids close in age. However I think it is easier than having a large age gap in more ways. You'll be used to sleepless nights, used to coping with a demanding baby etc etc rather than having had one baby thats become more independent & sleeping through only to have to go back to all that a bit later when you have no.2 several years later. 2 kids in nappies at the same time, 2 children interested in similar activities, days out, similar toys.

I have also found that my 2 have grown up incredibly close and do play along nicely together (most of the time). DS had absolutely no jelousy at all when DD was born - something that totally surprised us. DS was so young that he can't ever remember life without his little sister. It was/is hard but I think having a larger age gap would be harder IMHO. The result is now i have got a 4 1/2 year old & one that's almost 3 and they are growing up together with increased independency. DS starts school this year and DD soo after. In this way I'll have 2 in school within a couple of years which will allow me to persue my own goals a little more. I know some mums with kids who are going to be in DS's class are now contemplating a 2nd baby. They'll have another 5 years of this - which is great if that is what you want.

You'll cope, you'll be fine. Best of luck.

Rachie_B

congrats & welcome

i agre with sleeping when they do and accepting all offers of help ! be it babysitting ,cooking you a meal ,whatever !

i have a big gap between my 2 but my SIL has 2 girls 14 months apart and on the whole she would say its been fine and not as bad as expected !its nice to see them growing up so close

essexhoney

I dont have any advice to offer you im afraid, i just wanted to wish you the best of luck with it, and to let you know your not the only one feeling this way!
I have a 6yr DS who has ADHD, my DD is 17mths and im due to give birth in 6 days time! :eek:
I was fine up until a few days ago and now all i seem to be doing is panicking

pdoff

you'll be fine. & congratulations! ds1 will be 4 on thursday & ds2 is 8 months old so my situation is a bit different. we waited so long cos with ds1 i had a horrible pregnancy, nightmare birth, corrective op when he was 18 month sold to sort out the mess they'd made during delivery, postnatal depression, baby who screamed nonstop till he was about 6 months old etc etc so understandably we were put off having another! we decided we didnt want him to be an only child though so after a miscarriage i caught on & i was petrified! cried at the hospital & due to past problems i was given a ceasarian. i'm not saying it's easy with 2 but i think cos u done it b4 u r better equipped to cope the 2nd time round. u know they r not going to die if u dont pick them up as soon as they cry etc!! ds2 doesnt sleep well either but he is a very happy baby during the day. at least u should be able to nap in the day if u can get them to sleep at the same time! ds1 no longer naps so i have to nap when mum comes once a week if i need to. but u may get a baby like my friends who slept through from 6 weeks old! pah!
the house is a tip but the main bits are clean. is more important to spend time with my boys i think. An immaculate house is the sign of a wasted life (can't remember where i read that!). touch wood i haven't had the depression like last time either. i have accepted help & not trie dto do it all on my own. also whereas ds1 was breastfed for 4 months every half hour (he'd fall asleep then wake up hungry then fall asleep while feeding etc so i was like a zombie for 4 months till i gave in, ignored health visitor & gave him a bottle - he slept for 2 hours! yay!) so wouldnt settle with anyone but me, ds2 would not take my milk & lost too much weight so i had to bottle feed, which i felt awful about but couldnt be helped, but it has meant that other people can feed him while i see to ds1. ds2 is consequently happy to go to anyone & doesn't panic if i'm not there which makes life much easier!
ds1 is great with ds2 & very helpful. don't know how much u can involve a 13 month old, maybe they can fetch nappies, choose baby's sleepsuit or something? ds1 loves to amuse ds2 by singing to him etc. of course he does get jealous sometimes, especially when he's tired, so i end up with baby on 1 knee & him on the other, but overall he is great (he won't let me give baby away when i jokingly offer him to people after another sleepless night!)
is easy to say but just try to relax & make hubby do his fair share - took 2 to make baby after all. he may not be able to feed baby but he can look after kids for an hour when he comes home from work while u nap, have a bath or whatever. he may moan like mine does that he been working all day but u will have been working hard too.
anyway, probably none of that helped, but good luck & let us know when baby arrives & how u get on.

Lola23

Hello

Just to say same as everyone else. Rest when you can, put your feet up..whenever.
No point lying...you will be tired, but it does pass and you will survive.
I can remember going through weeks of never being able to finish a cup of coffee (convinced he knew when kettle had just boiled).

Good Luck.
x

Good Luck to Essex Honey also
x

patchwork_cat

Hi
Do you have friends and family locally? Accept all offers of help and if none are forthcoming ask.