Is this right?

GobbledyGook

Hello, me again. Sorry

Things have got quite ugly now sadly. OH hasn't paid a penny towards the girls since we decided to go down the CSA route. He hasn't seen them either (entirely his choice).

He has moved in with the woman he was having an affair with (her husband left her when it came out that it was an affair not a drunk 1 nighter). She has 2 children and I'm told this means the ex will be due to pay less to our children? Surely that cannot be right? She has a very, very good job, her husband is paying the full mortgage on the house they are in and continuing to pay maintenance and school fees for their youngest (the eldest is at college) - yet despite this ex is going to be allowed to pay less for our children? I was being very reasonable with him, but he's trying to take me for a mug now and I'm not having my children lose out over this.

Also can anyone tell me what will happen when my new baby (ex is the father) is born? He seems to think that the process will start all over again rather than just have the baby added on - going through all of this when I'm on ML would be a blimming nightmare. He's also "not sure" yet if he's going to "accept" paternity - something that has come up since he moved in with her.

I'm seriously considering moving back into the marital home as it's lying empty. He won't default on the mortgage. I am at the end of my tether, my GP wants to sign me off as my BP is creeping up and I'm stressed to bit, but I don't want to end up on ML early as it'll cut the time I can afford to stay off with my baby.

I just want to get divorced and sort everything out so that I know where I stand, but until the access to the children and the maintenance is sorted out I'm told that's not possible.

Thanks again.

CSA_Debt_Bod

I'm 99% sure that if you and he are married paternity will be assumed by the CSA and he won't be given the choice to accept it or not, although he could dispute paternity, but he would have to give very good grounds for the reason for this dispute or else fund a DNA test himself.

The new baby would be added to your existing case, you are right.

I am unsure if he would pay less because of his new partner having children - perhaps someone else may be able to advise you on this.

AnxiousMum

If the marital home is sitting empty - is your name on the deeds? I'd be moving back in.....why let it sit empty?

Agree with CSA Debt Bod on the paternity - if you were married when the baby conceived then he is assumed to be the father I believe.

Loopy_Girl

Hiya Gems:j Hope you and baby bump are okay

His true colours are sadly coming through now and I cannot beleive that he has not had contact with the children especially as it took alot for them to get here...

It is true that his support payment will reduce as his new girlfriend has children. The NRP is given an allowance for children in the household whether they are biologically his or not. There will be a 20% reduction given for them (in essence you will be entitled to 20% of 80% of his income - hope this isn't confusing!!)

As you were married at conception then paternity is assumed by the CSA....this is blatantly his guilty conscience kicking in as he is assuming that everyone has the same morals as he does.

When the new baby comes, just phone the CSA and advise them of this and a reassessment will be done to include the new baby. It won't be a new case or anything.

Sadly it's all too common that things start to change when the NRP has a new girlfriend and questions about paternity etc get brought up.

As for the house I would take legal advice on that...yes it may be lying empty but it is a huge house and can you afford the bills on your own as it make take a while for the CSA payments to start coming through.

(btw...with regards to her children, if the one at college ever left or went to Uni then they couldn't be included in the reduction for the assessment...quite how you can keep tabs on this I'm not sure but worth knowing)

Have you applied for your WTC/CTC yet?

Try not to get too stressed out by this (I know, easier said than done)....when the girls are in bed then take chill out time and try not to think about the mess and just relax and think nice thoughts about the baby. Do you know what you are having yet? Or do you want it to be a surprise?

Take care Gems
LG xx

missmontana

Her children will be paid for by her ex.

Like DebtBod says, they will assume he is the parent as you were married at the time. He can't really wriggle out of that one, shocking really! Judging you buy his standards obviously.

Loopy_Girl

AnxiousMum wrote: »

If the marital home is sitting empty - is your name on the deeds? I'd be moving back in.....why let it sit empty?

It's a massive 6 bedroomed house and Gemma has already said in the past that the bills to run it are huge...she only has her job (and hopefully WTC/CTC) and clearly the CSA payments are not coming forthwith...could be more stress trying to juggle

maggied_2

GG - I'm so sorry it's come to this.

I'm afraid that your OH will get a reduction if he has two children living with him.

With zero children living with him - he gives you 20% of his net salary

With two children living with him - he gives you 20% of 80% of his net salary (hope that makes sense).

I think this increases to 25% with three children.
If your name is on the deeds then I'd definitely be moving back in. It's your children's home.

If they receive any child tax credits they will be counted towards the household income (although it sounds as though they wouldn't qualify).

In the divorce you'll be able to claim spousal maintenance and should be entitled to a portion of his pension. Some people choose to keep the house / higher %age of proceedings from sale of the house instead.

Do you have a solicitor?

missmontana

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

It's a massive 6 bedroomed house and Gemma has already said in the past that the bills to run it are huge...she only has her job (and hopefully WTC/CTC) and clearly the CSA payments are not coming forthwith...could be more stress trying to juggle

Could she not take in a lodger to help with bills etc? might also be good company too!. Just a thought x

daska

Are you getting LHA? if not then would putting the money you're spending in rent towards running the house and then renting out a couple of rooms be an option? You've got 3 spare ones, yes?

Sorry to hear it's all gone pear-shaped again. Might this be another question for your legal-eagle?

Loopy_Girl

missmontana wrote: »

Could she not take in a lodger to help with bills etc? might also be good company too!. Just a thought x

Fair comment....maybe something for her to think about...I dunno how comfy I would be with a lodger with 2 girls and 5 months pregnant but you never know!!:)

GobbledyGook

Thanks all

LG - It's such a shock, I didn't think he had it in him to be like this. The girls miss him so much, especially the eldest. Each time I take her to her horse riding she gets really excited that Daddy will be there. He hasn't even gone to his parents house when we've let him know they'll be there so it's not just that he's avoiding me.

It seems like a nonsense my children will lose out. Doesn't seem very fair that they get a reduction of maintenance for his children on top of maintenance for hers. Her eldest is going to uni after the summer and the youngest is going to college (as you can guess his new gf is a bit older than us).

I'm not sure I can afford the house, but I could if he paid the mortgage (I know someone who wants to rent the flat, giving me a bit of other income). I'm fairly sure he wouldn't default on the mortgage. It's just so silly to see it lying empty while we're falling over each other here.

The WTC/CTC is all sorted - it's a great help. The nursery have also very kindly dropped a few of the extra charges in return for a parent helper session from me.

The paternity thing has absolutely floored me. I can't believe he even suggested it tbh. It's completely out of character for him, can't believe one person could have changed him so much.

I'm trying to relax a bit. My boss and PIL have been fabulous. We have flex time in our place and my boss is even letting me flip my days as I don't desk share as and when I need too. MIL is minding the girls when I need to and she and FIL are helping out as much as they can (small things like "Oh we passed this shop and there was a sale on so we bought the girls new boots/coats" when I know fine well there was no sale), but are trying not to step on toes and give me space too which is great.

I don't know what I'm having yet. I'm hoping to find out soon, but everyone is convinced I'm having a boy. I'm carrying totally differently to the last 2 pregnancies and I've had very little morning sickness (had hyperemesis in both pregnancies). I'm not sure either way - I think my body might just realise I've no time for being ill atm (If I could I'd have a weak laugh at that).

Gems x