Bridesmaids/Step Families arghhh

Mrs_Moore_To_Be

Hey all,

I have a dilemma...

Newly engaged im just starting to try and plan our big day (OH is called Jamie). My brother got engaged at christmas and when he announced to my dad, step mum and step sister that he was engaged my step sister (SS) assumed she would be bridesmaid. My future sis in law didnt want her to be and between us we put her straight - all sorted.

Now im engaged im worried that she will want to be a bridesmaid. I really dont get on well with her and have others I would pick a hundred times over her!

Now here is gets complicated. My dad was diagnised with terminal cancer just over a year ago so is obviously thrilled at the news of the impending wedding. He and I will get our dream (health permitting) of him walking me down the aisle etc etc. He will be covering the cost mainly of the reception, wedding breakfast evening etc.

He asked that my step mum come with me and my mum to pick my dress. I was not happy but agreed as he hadnt asked much of me. (and considering he is paying for most of it I didnt mind being a bit more laid back) I figured I could have lots of trying on sessions (prob how it would be anyway) and just have my mum and best friend when I try on THE dress.

Im now worried about the potential arkwardness if I dont ask the SS. Im planning on having a cousin, furure sis in law, my OH niece and a friend so I think thata enough.

How do I go about it tactfully? My SS still lives at home with my dad and stepmum (her mum) and between her my and stepmum they get quite overbearing and my dad usually gives in for a quiet life on most things! xx

Stephb1986_2

I know totally where your coming from I too have a SS but thank god we fell out 18 months ago so she doesn't even know I am engaged. The only option is to give her another task to do like help you with the invites so she doesn't even think about being a bridesmaid you know keep her busy with other things.



Good luck

Steph xx

Fen1

Ok, you don't want to have your step-sister to be your bridesmaid, but you forced your sister-in-law to have her as her bridesmaid?
'My future sis in law didnt want her to be and between us we put her straight - all sorted.' -please explain exactly what you did, and how your situation is different from your sister-in-law's.

Dizzie77

ohhh - Congrats on the Engagement!!

How odd that SS would just assume that she would be BM though?!? Maybe she will have learned from the last time - but is it possible to include her somewhere? Give her a special task to do - along the lines of Ushers?

Dizzie77

Fen1 wrote: »

Ok, you don't want to have your step-sister to be your bridesmaid, but you forced your sister-in-law to have her as her bridesmaid?
'My future sis in law didnt want her to be and between us we put her straight - all sorted.' -please explain exactly what you did, and how your situation is different from your sister-in-law's.

Fen, I read that as the SS was put straight - not the SIL2B??

Stephb1986_2

Dizzie77 wrote: »

Fen, I read that as the SS was put straight - not the SIL2B??

I did too :beer:

Mrs_Moore_To_Be

Fen1 wrote: »

Ok, you don't want to have your step-sister to be your bridesmaid, but you forced your sister-in-law to have her as her bridesmaid?
'My future sis in law didnt want her to be and between us we put her straight - all sorted.' -please explain exactly what you did, and how your situation is different from your sister-in-law's.

Oh god no!! I would never force anyone to do anything...:(

I meant between us - SIL2BE spoke to her and said no, and i spoke to my dad and he broke the news gently...

beks

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I did too :beer:

And me!!!

OP - congrats on your engagement but sorry to hear about your dad. I hope you all have a wonderful, memorable day. With regards to your ss you probably need to do exactly the same again and although I am sure it will be twice as hard (having done it all already), you deserve to have the wedding you want. Don't be cruel but be honest. If the shoe was on the other foot would she be asking you to be bridesmaid?

As others suggest, give her some sort of a task so she feels involved but I dont think you can do any more than that.

Mrs_Moore_To_Be

Hey Dizzie and Steph,

Thanks for the tips, thats what my OH said - give her a task. We have the invites sorted (an uncle is printing them for us), maybe handing out the confetti cones? Or is that lame?

Mrs_Moore_To_Be

beks wrote: »

And me!!!

OP - congrats on your engagement but sorry to hear about your dad. I hope you all have a wonderful, memorable day. With regards to your ss you probably need to do exactly the same again and although I am sure it will be twice as hard (having done it all already), you deserve to have the wedding you want. Don't be cruel but be honest. If the shoe was on the other foot would she be asking you to be bridesmaid?

As others suggest, give her some sort of a task so she feels involved but I dont think you can do any more than that.

Hey Beks!

Thanks, tbh I dont think its likely she will get married anyway, but dont think she would ask - if she did its only cause she actually doesnt have many friends...

Like you say, i want it to be a memorable way - and i know she would just irritate me and thats the last thing i want!

beks

You seem very organised for someone who has recently got engaged - I think, personally, the suggestion of handing out confetti may be a little .... whats the word .... lame (to use your word!!)
Organising a hen do or something is obviously too big a task for someone you really don't get on well with but on the other hand, I think it will be hard to find something which is not too big but not classed as lame either. If it were me, I think the sooner you broach the subject the better. Does your stepmum have a good relationship with her? Could she break the news?!