pensions in marriage when one partner does not want to save

SAM12_2

I am married and would like to start saving for my future via a pension and other savings, but my husband has no interest in doing so ( He is in his forties). This causes many problems in the future if were to stay together at pensionable age, but from what I understand causes even bigger problems if we divorce. The latter may result in my savings/pension being considered when dividing assets. He is making a decision not to safeguard his future so I feel it very unfair if I am then asked by law to divide money I have decided to put aside for retirement.

What should I do to protect myself?

Prudent

I was a saver married to someone who really overspent. On divorce my savings and his debts were both considered in the equation of the 50/50 division of assets.

SAM12_2

This is exactly what I am concerned about.

bryanb

Divorce him before you start saving.

jetta_wales

Is it just me that thinks that if you're thinking in terms of safeguarding yourself in-case you divorce that you probably aren't in the soundest of relationships to start with? Sorry if this seems rude but I've been in a relationship where we didn't both agree on our plans for the future and now I'm nearly divorced and my new partner and I are definatly on the same page (and age group too which I think helps lol my ex was 10 and 1/2 years older than me and happy to just do his 9-5 for life and pay his mortgage for 25 years). I have totaly different ideas for the future and want a lot more out of life than that.

Even if you don't always agree 100% there has to at least be some compromise but if that compromise is you saving and planning to keep it safely away from him if you split then it just doesn't sound like the way a relationship should be.

LittleMissAspie

jetta_wales wrote: »

Is it just me that thinks that if you're thinking in terms of safeguarding yourself in-case you divorce that you probably aren't in the soundest of relationships to start with?

I disagree. I think it's foolish to assume you'll never break up with someone. Everyone who's ever got divorced felt that they would never break up, what makes me or you or the OP any different? Nothing, it can happen to all of us. Makes perfect sense to protect yourself from potential future disaster.

SAM12_2

Thanks for your posts.

I want to protect myself because of my past experiences relating to work and financial issues within the relationship. I don't think the future will bring a change in perspective from my husband so I have to think on these lines. There doesn't appear to be much that I can do.

What are my options??

marklv

SAM12 wrote: »

I am married and would like to start saving for my future via a pension and other savings, but my husband has no interest in doing so ( He is in his forties). This causes many problems in the future if were to stay together at pensionable age, but from what I understand causes even bigger problems if we divorce. The latter may result in my savings/pension being considered when dividing assets. He is making a decision not to safeguard his future so I feel it very unfair if I am then asked by law to divide money I have decided to put aside for retirement.

What should I do to protect myself?

This seems to me to be a very negative approach. Are you expecting to be divorced? I don't think you should plan your whole life on the basis of a possible divorce, unless you believe it's likely. If it is likely then it's another matter altogether.

My advice is to divorce him now if you are really so worried, otherwise you'll spend the rest of your life worrying about this one issue. You can't force your partner to change his way, you accept him either as he is or split up.

marklv

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

I disagree. I think it's foolish to assume you'll never break up with someone. Everyone who's ever got divorced felt that they would never break up, what makes me or you or the OP any different? Nothing, it can happen to all of us. Makes perfect sense to protect yourself from potential future disaster.

It's precisely this sort of mentality that is making marriage such a weak institution these days. If you expect the worse, then it will usually happen. You can't live your life with this approach and expect to be happy.

My wife and I come from different backgrounds and educational levels but this has never been an issue for us. I am better educated but from a poor background, she is less well educated but from a richer family, so I will inherit a minimal amount, while she stands to inherit hundreds of thousands. Who cares? Neither of us is planning to leave the other and we both love each other, not just as partners but as best friends. As for our pension arrangements, that is each other's private business - we don't poke our noses into each other's finances all the time.

marklv

SAM12 wrote: »

Thanks for your posts.

I want to protect myself because of my past experiences relating to work and financial issues within the relationship. I don't think the future will bring a change in perspective from my husband so I have to think on these lines. There doesn't appear to be much that I can do.

What are my options??

Your first option is to ask for a divorce now - this may seem the safest and possibly the best option given the way you feel about things. Reading between the lines I don't get the impression that you feel the marriage will last long anyway.

I also believe you should get legal advice; I don't think this forum is appropriate for that.

Proxy

To think that divorce is an impossibility is naive.

It makes sense to me to plan for a possibility that might occur - after all, isn't that what financial planning is all about?