Advice on kids dad staying

fishingcinema

Hi all

I am after some advice please.
I have a four and three year old and have recently been taken quite ill, it all started with a cold that then turned to a chest infection, and trapped nerve in my side next to my boob, then the doctors saying it could be a trapped nerve, cracked rib or clot on my lung. and low oxygen level.

He prescribed me some tablets that the chemist dispenser said can make me wheezy. when i returned to the doctrs the next morning as he wanted to check my oxygen levels again as the night before he wanted to admit me to hospital but i could not leave my little girls he said i may also have asthma.


I have been taking 23 tablets a day for the last 3 weeks and no improvement as yet, i dont think they are helping but i am sure if i stopped taking them they probably are working. He then sent me for a chest x-ray i had this done this wens gone they said there is nothing of major concern that they would like to amit me for but it will be sent to the radiologist and results sent back to my doctors who i have an appointment with this following wens.

Ontop of this i am constantly tired my back constantly hurts have headaches all the time and my bones and muscles seem to always be aching and am very emotional all before this cold i have been fine now i feel 26 going on 2000000.

I am finding my day to day usual activities hard even walking my four year old to school is aggony. let alone dressing bathing feeding me and the girls.

Now since our split me and my ex have remained amicable for the sake of the childeren as i would never use my little girls against him as he is a great dad. He works but has offered to try and help out with my daily tasks, shopping, helping with the girls ect.

I am on housing benefit and would not want him to contribute in anyway just the help would be great when he is not at work. for help like getting the shopping done and up the stairs i live in a 2 bed first floor flat.

I plan to speak to the authorities regarding this ie housing benefit, income support ect. But my question is do you think they would allow him to sleep on the sofa or in the girls room.

Any thoughts would be appreciated

[Deleted User]

Hi and sorry you are so unwell,there are countless threads on here about what is and isnt allowed re:staying over,the best advice is to contact both the council and benefits people and ask what would be allowed and not interfere with any of your benefits

Vader123

would not want him to contribute in anyway

If he is staying over, presumably he is using gas? Electric? Some food?

Why on earth would you not want him to contribute? Its not like you earn your own money or get a decent salary, your on income support.

Vader

tr82

Vader123 wrote: »

If he is staying over, presumably he is using gas? Electric? Some food?

Why on earth would you not want him to contribute? Its not like you earn your own money or get a decent salary, your on income support.

Vader

Perhaps because the OP's circumstances are so desperate that she doesn't wish to jeopardise the valuable help he's providing by charging him ten pence for each kitkat consumed ?

OP there's no rule about the number of days an ex can stay overnight at your home, each case is considered on its merits. You'd do best to follow Woodbine's guidance.

welshmoneylover

As a suggestion, could the children not go and stay with their dad?

You could also get some much needed rest.

Hope u get well soon x

missmontana

He'd be contributing by looking after the kids.. blimey, its not always about the money!

Is it possible for him to have the children at his place a couple of nights to give you a break?

Also speak to your health visitor, they may be able to suggest something, like respite crèche facilities or Home Start

http://www.home-start.org.uk/


hope you feel better soon! x

fishingcinema

Vader123 wrote: »

If he is staying over, presumably he is using gas? Electric? Some food?

Why on earth would you not want him to contribute? Its not like you earn your own money or get a decent salary, your on income support.

Vader

Many thanks for your reply.
Because he would eat and shower at his girlfriends before he came to help me out.
I would just be so greatful of some help while im in this pain.

fishingcinema

tr82 wrote: »

Perhaps because the OP's circumstances are so desperate that she doesn't wish to jeopardise the valuable help he's providing by charging him ten pence for each kitkat consumed ?

OP there's no rule about the number of days an ex can stay overnight at your home, each case is considered on its merits. You'd do best to follow Woodbine's guidance.

Hahaha well with the vat rate gone back up i would have to charge him atleast 15p each.
Your right i am just so greatful of the extra help that he can offer with the kids.
I dont have anyone else family wise that can help me and dont know what else i can do.

I think i will follow woodbine's guidance (thankyou woodbine) and ask the correct benefits agencys.

many thanks

fishingcinema

welshmoneylover wrote: »

As a suggestion, could the children not go and stay with their dad?

You could also get some much needed rest.

Hope u get well soon x

They probably could but i am one of these really soppy mums that misses them like crazy when they are not here and where i am so low and emotional at the moment every little smile, giggle, or funny little things they do make my day. I am just in so much pain and short of breath. I thought i would try and take them to the park today as its half term and it ended in me being in tears through pain after about 5 mins and them looking up at me asking mummy why are you crying.

fishingcinema

missmontana wrote: »

He'd be contributing by looking after the kids.. blimey, its not always about the money!

Is it possible for him to have the children at his place a couple of nights to give you a break?

Also speak to your health visitor, they may be able to suggest something, like respite crèche facilities or Home Start

http://www.home-start.org.uk/


hope you feel better soon! x

Many thanks forgott to add
I am with my local homestart they are fantastic. We go every tuesday but have not been for about 5 weeks due to the kids both having chest infection and now me. But i am going to get up nice and early and take a slow stroll down there tommorow, may cheer us all up.

tattycath

Maybe the Op would feel better if her ex stayed over at hers so he can help with kids and she can still see the kids, but also because if she is so unwell maybe it would give her peace of mind that there is someone there. When I was really unwell with pneumonia and on another occasion with pleurisy I was glad to have someone stay over with me-it can be pretty scary to be totally alone and so unwell.
Hope you're feeling better soon OP