I Wannabe Debt-free but where do I find the willpower to stop spending?

debtdesperado

My advice in addition to the above is stop reading women's magazines, and don't ever just wander round the shops... if you never know it exists, you never know that you want it.

Magazines are nothing more than expensive adverts - pick up any magazine, and the content is either adverts, buying guides, or articles which recommend buying products.... try it - you won't find a single article that doesn't recommend something to buy, whether it's a vitamin, a book, face cream etc. It's scary! They have nothing to do with journalism or interesting, mind expanding articles and everything to do with turning you into a shopping hungry consumer who is led to believe that buying something will change her life in some small way.

Between stopping reading magazines and the fear of what would happen if I continued spending (nothing to do with willpower, it was sheer terror! ;-), that cracked my compulsive spending...

beverleyhills

yellowduck wrote: »

Hi there, what are your particular temptations. Mine were toiletries and books. Am living\existing on benefits at the moment and have had to stop spending as I will starve otherwise. But it has made me think of the things I used to waste money on to cheer myself after a tough day at work. So it meant looking at what triggers the spending, stress and upset in my case and what I spent\wasted the money on in an attempt to make myself feel better. Trouble is it is a temporary lift with a corresponding low when I realised the cash I had wasted on something that actually did not make me feel better. So I started to look at better ways of making myself feel better (if that makes sense) and it was all the cliches like spend time with friends, have a hot bubbly bath, or actually start to address the cause of the stress that triggered my spending.

You have been given some very good practical advice to cope. When I read your post I felt that there was an underlying reason for your spending habits. I think that you need to tackle it and maybe get some professional help. Yellowduck has given you some good advice.

daviesalie_2

BTSH I've taken your advice and I'm leaving my purse at home and only taking the cash I know I'll need so I don't have a choice anymore - no money no buy. And clearing the loft and doing a car boot sale is on my To Do list in my spending diary. I've planned the date and now just need a kick up the backside to get sorting.

Beverlyhills, I'm not quite sure what the underlying problem is. I can pinpoint when my spending started to get out of control, it was about 12 years ago when for years we'd scrimped on things, then my ex-husband got a really well paid job and we could pretty much go shopping and not worry about the bill at the end. Since then I don't think my brain's got used to the 'can't afford it' mode. I might just be fooling myself, I've got burying my head in the sand down to a fine art, there may be some deep underlying insecurity thats the root of all this, but I don't know what it could be. Its weird because with somethings I'm really 'tight' (so my boyfriend tells me). The problem happens when I'm actually out shopping and I impulse buy. I can go around Tesco and buy value stuff thinking I'm not paying that for a tin of heinz beans I'll get the cheaper ones, saving myself 10p, then I go down the next aisle and think nothing of buying clothing for £20 or more.

I'm hoping by not taking my purse with me to go shopping and only taking the minimum cash will retrain my brain. Who knows...its worth a try.

Thanks for all your advice it really is appreciated and its making me think long and hard about the way I've been living, i.e. head well n truly buried deep deep down in the sand!!

stephy110288

i used to be the same with clothes shoes and bags, oh and anything for the house. art, tables etc. now i'm 22 in £11000 of debt and had to move back with my parents. to be honest i still do it but in a different way. like if i have birthday money it will be spent in topshop before its hardly out of the birthday card, but now i have to pay debts first. one way i made a bit back was ebaying all the stuff i had bought an never used. you said you had baby stuff in the attic? i think that will probably sell pretty well and you can use the money towards your credit cards. you'll be suprised at how much you can make. just have a big clear out

foxgloves

I used to be just the same. I'm much happier now that I have got my spending under control and discovered budgetting. It boils down to just one simple equation. If you keep buying things you don't need which means spending more than your income, then you are actively CHOOSING debt. I'm afraid everything about a capitalist society is designed to make us want more & more stuff and because most of us do not have anywhere near the level of income required to fund this, well, that's why credit cards exist. They are not there to help us but to make money for the banks. I wish I'd realised this earlier in my life, but if you have to put whatever you are buying on a credit card, take out a loan or go into overdraft, you simply can't afford it. I wish you every bit of luck in getting the spending under control. There is no feeling like it when you see the debts start disappearing and you are actually in control of where your money goes. I found it replaced the buzz I used to get from spending.....in fact, I think it's better. No-one is saying you can't have any treats ever again....we all need something nice now & again, but now I use my money to pay for them instead of someone else's.

daviesalie_2

Thank you both - its really inspiring to hear that it is possible to get out of this mess. I'm paying £575 off my debts every month now. I can't even imagine what it will be like to have that sort of money left over every month once I've cleared my debts. Its well worth waiting for and going without some things for a couple of years. Why can't life have a fast forward button

rubydoiwannabee

Hi, just wanted to pop in to say hello and well done on all you have done so far.:)

Your posts really rung true with me because that is exactly what I did (and sometimes still do), by this I mean the dealing with each purchase in isolation and thinking it is only £20 and a bargain, or I will cut back here to cover this £20 and just not consider the bigger picture at all!!

My OH and I have much more debt than you but for the last 20 months or so we have budgeted, budgeted, budgeted... and it has made the difference between us keeping up to date and being able to pay everything on time and see the numbers reduce or sinking!! This site was my saviour and things like withdrawing cash weekly, menu planning, etc. has turned our world of finances around.

It can feel a slog at times, but for me just understanding what the interest rates were on my debts and how I could juggle things around to lower rates made a world of difference and really helped us focus.

I wish you every success on your journey and remember you are not alone.

daviesalie_2

Thank you ruby - its great to have so much support and know that what i'm trying to do is possible. instead of chasing my tail things are actually happening now. no more falling off the wagon for me. As long as I keep in my mind that in a couple of years all this stress and worry will be gone I'll be ok.

Martin Lewis should be made a saint for this site!

foxgloves

You WILL do it. As you said in a previous post, keep in mind that the money you are chucking at debts now will in the future be money you can use to save for seomthing you really want, as well as putting a little regular amount away to pay for emergencies. We are half way to having saved the amount we need to have a lovely new kitchen. If anyone had asked me a couple of years ago, I'd have said there's no way we can afford one, but it's surprising what you find you can save up for once every bit of your income is no longer being wasted on debt repayments. I try & save as much as I can on boring everday stuff.....i.e did I really need to be buying posh soaps at £5 a bar because they were nice, when I can get 4 bars for 50p in the local bargain shop? It's only to go on a basin for handwashing! Saving money on the everyday boring stuff (like the Old-stylers board recommend) frees up quite a bit of cash for chucking at debts, and then to put towards some of the bigger items you'd like to have. It can be done. We haven't had to pay off anything like the amount some of the folk on here have, but the support & ideas you get from these forums really do help. Keep at it! Only buy what you really need, with the occasional very small treat, and you will get your income back for YOU!

Hermia

debtdesperado wrote: »

My advice in addition to the above is stop reading women's magazines, and don't ever just wander round the shops... if you never know it exists, you never know that you want it.

Magazines are nothing more than expensive adverts - pick up any magazine, and the content is either adverts, buying guides, or articles which recommend buying products.... try it - you won't find a single article that doesn't recommend something to buy, whether it's a vitamin, a book, face cream etc. It's scary! They have nothing to do with journalism or interesting, mind expanding articles and everything to do with turning you into a shopping hungry consumer who is led to believe that buying something will change her life in some small way.

Between stopping reading magazines and the fear of what would happen if I continued spending (nothing to do with willpower, it was sheer terror! ;-), that cracked my compulsive spending...

I totally agree with this. I used to buy lots of magazines and got drawn in to that world. But one day I sat and went through a pile and realised that not once did they give a bad review to a premium brand beauty product. Plus, they just constantly promote a consumerist lifestyle. Even articles on leading a frugal lifestyle will be accompanied by pictures of a woman sitting in her Cath Kidston kitchen baking cakes using her Nigella Lawson mixing bowls!

I actually found that educating myself about consumerism etc really helped me get a grip on my spending habits. I went to the library and got lots of books out like "No Logo" and "Deluxe: How Luxury Lost Its Lustre". I also read articles by psychologists on the psychology of shopping. It really made me realise what a mug I was to just fall for all this nonsense. I still enjoy shopping, but I think I am a lot more self-aware when I go shopping now. I don't get drawn in to the whole brand name thing so much and I am much more likely to question myself on whether I really need an item.