Just want to see the kids .......please help

pinkjaney

Am in total shock have recieved a solicitor letter from ex with regrads to the letter i have sent her i now need so serious advice not sure how to respond to this as i am so angry.....

The letter states she agrees with access one weekend in 4 which is what i asked for (this is good)

but before contact can start i need to learn how to deal with feeding and changing my disabled daughter (this is ok) but she thinks this will take 4 to 6 months (i already know how to do the feeding its just the changing i need to learn) and after this i need then spend time bonding with my youngest daughter taking her to the park etc but i am already bonded with her all this is to happen at her house (but if thats what she wants ok)

That we keep a contact diary so both can see what medication the children are on etc (this is ok too)

But the bit that has me so angry is that i have to give an assurance that i WILL NOT allow my mother or my brother to be involved in any contact with the kids due to "difficulties in my childhood" but she allows her mother who put her in care at 13 contact, she allows my father who i dont speak to contact but he is married to his step sister (left my mum for her) and also contact with my sister (who i also have no contact with) who falsely claimed was raped by my brother (it was thrown out of court no evidence). She has allowed my 16 daughter to get a tattoo and every picture i have seen of the 16yr old is she is holding a bottle of cider and is the worse for wear also my 4 yr has a lock on the outside of his door

So how do i reply to this??????????????

daska

That sounds very nasty. May I suggest that you put the letter down, make a cuppa and take a good few deep breaths. Don't reply straight away, wait for Speedster and others to have a think and get in touch with FNF for some more advice.

My initial instinct is that you have to take this to court. This has the advantage that you can request a report by CAFCASS and specifically request that it investigates who should and should not be having contact and the subject of your daughter's drinking etc.

pinkjaney

Thanks will wait for speedster see what they have to say.

She is one nasty piece of work

AnxiousMum

My eyes were popping reading your post there pinkjaney - but when I read that the four year old has a lock on the outside of the door - why? If there was a fire in the house and your four year old was in the bedroom - just how would they get out to safety? I'm sorry - but there's not alot right with alot of what you say.....but that's life threatening every night that child goes to bed.

MrMcG

pinkjaney wrote: »

Am in total shock have recieved a solicitor letter from ex with regrads to the letter i have sent her i now need so serious advice not sure how to respond to this as i am so angry.....
It's good news that you've got a solicitor's letter, the solicitor would have told your ex that she MUST allow contact, or the court will order it so, so see this as a positive!

The letter states she agrees with access one weekend in 4 which is what i asked for (this is good) Great, so in your letter of response, you should say something like "I'm delighted that we agree that it is in the children's best interests for them to have regular contact with me".

but before contact can start i need to learn how to deal with feeding and changing my disabled daughter (this is ok) but she thinks this will take 4 to 6 months (i already know how to do the feeding its just the changing i need to learn) and after this i need then spend time bonding with my youngest daughter taking her to the park etc but i am already bonded with her all this is to happen at her house (but if thats what she wants ok) I would respond to this bit by saying that whilst you feel that it is of great importance that you are fully aware of how to take the necessary care of your disabled child for their safety and well being, you are already aware of how to carry out elements of their care and whilst you are appreciative of any support and guidance, you cannot agree that this will take 4-6 months.

That we keep a contact diary so both can see what medication the children are on etc (this is ok too) Great idea, becoming quite commonplace in family proceedings.

But the bit that has me so angry is that i have to give an assurance that i WILL NOT allow my mother or my brother to be involved in any contact with the kids due to "difficulties in my childhood" but she allows her mother who put her in care at 13 contact, she allows my father who i dont speak to contact but he is married to his step sister (left my mum for her) and also contact with my sister (who i also have no contact with) who falsely claimed was raped by my brother (it was thrown out of court no evidence). She has allowed my 16 daughter to get a tattoo and every picture i have seen of the 16yr old is she is holding a bottle of cider and is the worse for wear also my 4 yr has a lock on the outside of his door

So how do i reply to this??????????????

To the last bit about your family, I would reply by saying that like your ex partner, you are a loving and caring parent that wants the best for your (use the word our) children. Say naturally, you would not allow your children to come into any contact with anyone inappropriate. You cannot agree to any such restrictions being put in place and you feel that your ex partner has raised these issues to perhaps put barriers in place to prevent contact. You are not placing any such restrictions over who the children can and cannot see whilst they are with her so you kindly request that she extend you the same trust for the sake of the children so that protracted procceedings can be avoided and they can have the benefit of having a relationship with both of their parents.

With regard to your 16 year old. This is awful and must make you really angry. I'm afraid there is really nothing you can do other than try to keep the lines of commmunication open so that she can contact you if she wishes. As for the door lock, I don't know what to say. Could there be a reasonable explanation? I had to put a lock on the outside of one of my children's rooms when they were a baby to prevent the others getting in and getting him out of his crib and dropping him - this did happen once so the lock was fitted! I'm not saying this is the case, I'm just saying their may be another reason.

I hope this helps, sadly I have a lot of experience in my own proceedings and as a McKenzie friend.

speedster

cant really add much to what MrMcG has put. that pretty much sums it up.

if she goies into court with a list of can's and cant's, she'll get flamed anyway.

i think that the only way this will be sorted is the court route though, that much is quite apparent.

chriszzz

I think the situation with the lock on the child's door could that be looked at being entrapment?? Does the lock get used and what if the child needed to use the toilet
through the night??
I don't think in today's world ie social services that locking a child in there bedroom would go down to well!! That takes the child s freedom away and basically confining them to one room, I would be asking the solicitor about the safety issues involved.

ramirezhenry55

This is really a very sad family story and the ones suffering the most are the kids. I just hope your partner could get council to see if he could be allowed to see the child at constant time. I wish you both well.

pinkjaney

Thankyou for all the input, will let you know what next plan is and hopefully it will work out all right

pinkjaney

How does this sound:-

Thank you for your letter dated 23/02/10 in response I'm delighted that we agree that it is in the children's best interests for them to have regular contact with myself.
I do however disagree with the length of time required to converse myself fully with XXXXXX needs I feel that the maximum amount of time needed to bring myself up to speed again would be 4 months and would also request that when xxxxxx meets Dr xxxxx could she kindly request the instructions for the pump so that I can also use this to refresh my memory as well as the letter she will obtain with regards to xxxxxx medical conditions.
Also during that time I can as suggested take the children out to the park for instance so that I may fully bond with my youngest two children xxxxx and xxxxxx.
With regards the contact diary I feel this is a very useful suggestion and fully agree.
The issue of smoking in front of the children is not an issue as I have now ceased smoking although when I did smoke at home it was outside and not in my home.
I am like xxxxxxx, a loving and caring parent that wants the best for our children and naturally, I would not allow our children to come into any contact with anyone inappropriate.
I will however agree to her terms with regards to who our children have access to for the first month however during this time she must make her reasons very clear as to why she is requesting these restrictions, I would like to say that I am not placing any such restrictions over who the children can and cannot see whilst they are with her and would hope that she could extend me the same trust for the sake of the children so that protracted proceedings can be avoided and they can have the benefit of having a relationship with both of their parents.
I look forward to hearing from you shortly so that a contact agreement can be drawn up as soon as possible and I can organise my next visit to xxxxxxxx home to see my children.
Yours faithfully