Can anyone give us an advice on using au pair

missk_ensington

It depends if £450 a month was reasonable, are you in/around London? I personally wouldn't look after someones child 2 days a week AND pay THEM £200 a month, but rents are cheaper where I live so I can't really comment on the housing market where you are.

Also not sure how you'd go about advertising this?!?! 'Lodger wanted to babysit 2 days a week?' And are you sure you wouldn't end up asking the live in nanny to babysit, and do a bit more than is expected? It might be tempting when you've not had a night out in months!!!

How about getting an au pair who works 5 days a week? Where is your baby the other 3 days a week?? If youre paying childcare you could save money that pays the au pair, or it may give an opportunity for you/your partner to work more hours?!?!

Just a few suggestions

starlite_2

We basically..we want someone just to look after the baby occasionally..we have a 7mo and I am pregnant so just a few hours to go shopping lone/ have a bath in peace etc would be good..

We want to make a little money on the oom, but don't want a lodger who isn't baby friendly iyswim,

And really they would be getting a good deal..say for 14 hours per week maximum (and very flexible hours), a £250 monthly reduction in rent and no bills to pay is quite fair!

see what you mean about advertising it though..lol..we'd probably go for word of mouth, as our old lodger is a nanny and knows lots of others..

missk_ensington

14 x 4 = 56 hours a month for £250. I think thats reasonable, works out something like £4 an hour? Not got a calculator so don't know precisely! For that price you could just hire a childminder! Think they're on £3 an hour where I live.

Hope it works out, I'm in the process of finding an au pair. decided I'll go for it, just one month at first and after she goes home, if it's been a positive exdperience I'll find another on a longer basis.

lynzpower

Can I just add a cautionary moment to this.

When I worked in childrens social work, I worked with a family, not overly dissimilar to the difficulties MIss_K is facing. Mum wasnt well, and she had her hands full so paid 100pcm to a bulgarian girl to live in and undertake childcare. Sadly, she couldnt take it, and left distressed on her way home to her family. She was replaced by another girl on a similar rate, she stuck it out for a few weeks then absconded to a neighbour who paid more. this happened a few times.

When I arrived on the scene the children were not coping at all. They had a lot of distress from the to-ing and fro-ing of being cared for by a sucession of strangers and thier behaviour was becoming worrying, which is why social services were involved. there was no question of abuse, and it was clear that mum wasnt coping, but the turnover in carers had clearly unsettled the children massively. PLease do not underestimate the impact this might have on your children. they need to know who is caring for them and how to communicate thier distress to them. In this case, they could barely communicate with some of thier "carers" as english wasnt thier first language.

Of course this may be an extreme example, but getting someone to be an almost constant carer for your child and then them vanishing off with out a proper "ending" for your little ones can be very distressing. Do bear this in mind, especially if you are only thinking very short term

Sorry, I know this is probably rather an unpopular thing to say, but some things are more important than the money, those children were very distressed by events indeed.

ayla261

definately use a reputable agency, you'll have to pay fees around £100 -£200 but well worth it...my dads first au pair was a nightmare, wouldn't clean, cook, do any housework however the second was a blessing, super with the kids, learnt english, integrated well into village life and they've now been married 6 years

LondonDiva

Bogof_Babe wrote:

I just wish you could get equivalent live-in help for old folks in their own homes - that would be a huge weight off my mind. But I digress...

I don't see why you can't get an au pair for an elderly person on the same terms as if you had children. I think I know someone who did / someone who mentioned doing something like this... will think about it and get back to you with info when I remember.

If in doubt, contact an aupair agency and ask them about the possibility. a really good agency I did nannying work for at uni were Annie's Nannies based in London, who may know more:)

missk_ensington

Go to au pair world.net (or google 'au pair world') I think they let you search for an au pair for an elderly person. I was looking through other families to make sure I was doing it right, and I saw one lady looking for her mum (Although she hadn't had any applications in 30 days...)

After sifting through 96 applications, I've found the perfect au pair. She's from Australia, she has over 5 glowing references, we share the same interests like the theatre, Shakespeare, literature, cooking.... she is very happy with the hours I have given her and I think this is the best idea I've ever had. She only wants £150 a month pocket money (I've said I'll take her to Ireland, Stratford RSC and London- the places she really wants to visit which I'll pay for as a bonus)

Lynz- I appreciate your caution and you're right there shouldn't be a high turnover of au pairs, so I've contracted this one for 12 months. I try to put myself in an au pairs position, and if it were me I'd want to work hard for a family that are nice and treat me well. It is now concluded that Oli will go to nursery Monday and Thursday, and Shea will look after him Tue, Wed and Friday until lunchtime, plus one night babysitting and 1-2 hours LIGHT housework (hoovering, prep food) a week. It works out 25-28 hours a week I think.She will get all weekend to herself plus two days during the week, and my neighbour has offered to give her £20 a week extra money if she'd like to do some ironing/housework for a few hours per week. Do you think this sounds fair?

She won't have to cook meals as a general rule, but have said occassionally (when I'm very tired, at exam time, when I have Board meetings in London) I may ask her to fix a bit of tea, which she has said she enjoys doing and would be very happy to do!

And English is her first language, which is always a great help!!!

Let me know your thoughts, and any additional advice that may help us get on with our au pair will be much appreciated! Obviously I'll give her 3-4 days off without having to work when she arrives in the country as she's travelling from Oz!

lynzpower

Miss K, honestly, I think you have probably made a good choice there. The language thing is an issue ( but not for you) for so many. Additionally, this language and cultural barrier that may be present with au pairs from elsewhere such as discussions over what is and not acceptable, or what they will or will not be able to do and how to broach this with the employer is probably minimised by employing someone whos 1st language is English.

However, Im sure its like having a lodger in some respects you will have to get on with living with someone else, but I guess everyone has this with live in staff. Its how you manage the relationship I think thats the most important.

In the case that I use to illustrate, part of the problem was that the woman found it difficult to negotiate thier roles ( partly as the woman employing her felt that they should be a slave and partly through the isolation felt by them being so far away from home & culture. An Australian Au pair will be able to gain enjoyment and relaxation from theatre as you say, they can read the paper, watch telly, get out and about without too much trouble. Not to say others from other parts of the world wouldnt of course, but it will be easier and less stresssful for you to navigate I presume. Its just a case of making sure shes happy with the arrangements periodically and tweaking the rota to suit if possible IYSWIM

One thing I would suggest when she has arrived, is anything that might be useful like bus timetables, a quick recky to show her where the shops, cinema, swimming baths, local attractions would be good, I was given this sort of info when I went to uni and it was really handy

its not a question of whether we think its fair or not, shes an adult and able to make the decision herself - BUT I would say that the timetable you post up of what you expect from her is generous compared to some of the other experiences Ive seen of aupairs, employed to live under the stiars and be a Miss Mop.

Wishing you all the best with it MissK i really hopwe it works out, sounds perfect

gingin_2

I agree with Lynzpower Miss_k and to be honest I didn't think it would work for you but it sounds as if you have it sorted!

How about when she gets here sitting down with a bottle of wine one night and write down what you both want out of this arrangement. For instance you can subtley write down the work specifics and she can write down some of the things she hopes to get out of this and maybe some of her and your likes and dislikes and then there is less chance of tension along the line.

Good luck

missk_ensington

Gingin - good idea! I'll do that. I'm in the process of decorating her room and I'm really excited! Got the aerial man to put an extra aerial in ther room and bought her a digibox and a little CD player and out a lock on her door, so I hope she'll be happy here!

Gonna get her some flowers and chocolates for when she arrives and lay some nice towels ans flannels out on her bed. I guess it must be scary travelling from the other side of the world to work in a house/town/family you know nothing about!

Have you seen those Tesco internet phones on the TV? I was going to buy her one of them so she can talk to her family without my bill going through the roof but I don't understand how they work and how do I know if my computer is compatable?!

Hey we might become good friends and I'll be able to visit her in Oz in the future! Always wanted to go to Australia but I honestly don't think I could sit still on a plane for that long!

Thanks for all your tips!