Finally, my lightbulb moment has arrived........

moosetastic

Hi everyone.

Well I have lurked around on this site for about 2 weeks now, and I feel that I can hide no longer. My situation and debts are now really starting to get to me and I really don't know what to do.

I have looked at this forum and I am so relieved that I am not the only one going through this. My OH and I really do not have a clue, but to be honest, I really just need to talk to someone before my brain goes pop.

My situation is this - I work full time and have worked as a civil servant for the last 4 years. My wage has steadily increased, and I take home roughly £930 per month. My OH did work for the same department, however, he developed bi polar depression and had to have time off work. When he went back, they said his perfomance was not satisfactory and they sacked him. Even though we went through a tribunal, the decision was upheld. He has been very ill for the last 3 years or so, he gets DLA money of £220 per month, but has not worked for the past year. He cant claim benefits as he has not paid enough Nat Ins contributions, even though he is registered on Incapacity Benefit, he receives no money. I also get £60 per month WTC and have just been awarded £14 per week housing benefit.

My OH luckily had payment protection on his credit card and personal loan through HSBC, so when he lost his job, they have been paying it off for him. Unfortunately, this only lasted for 12 months, and has just run out. The bank have amalgamated the 2 and have stretched it over 12 years, something at this moment in time is seriously worrying me stupid.

One of the main problems we have now is that he is feeling much better and has in fact almost finished with his medication, which is wonderful, so he is now looking to go back to work. However, the stigma of mental health problems seems to be holding him back, and even though he has applied for lots of jobs, hes not heard from any of them. Luckliy, he has registered with Shaw Trust, and he is seeing a Disability Advisor at the Jobcentre tomorrow, so fingers crossed that this produces something.

Me, on the other hand, have been so stressed for the past 3 years that it is now taking its toll on me. I have been the sole money earner and carer for my other half, and have had to have counselling myself. I have recently been diagnosed with reactive depression and stress, and been told to take it easy by my doctor, been given sick notes for my work to do lighter duties only and have a new work regime in place, but how long this will last I dont know. The burden of being the sole earner in the house and having the huge responsibilities of paying the rent and the bills and keeping the household going is really starting to make me ill. I seriously dont have a clue where to turn, and the fact that I can hardly sleep and that I cry whenever I'm alone has made me realise that I can no longer cope with the situation.

I have looked through the site and have taken lots of good advice on board, have started budgeting and listed all of our debts. This is our SOA -

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - £930
Partners salary - £000
Benefits - £220 dla, £60 WTC, £14 pw HB

Total - £1266

Monthly Outgoings:

Mortgage/Rent - £85 per week
Council Tax - £67
Gas - £65
Electric - £25
TV License - £10.99
UGC Cinema - £10.99
Phone - £25
Food - £200
Travel costs - £20
Water rates - £14
Home Insurance - £14.11
Account charge - £15
Broadband - £17.99
Catalogue - £50
Money shop cheque - £13
3 piece suite - £56

Loan - £81
Lloyds TSB Credit Card - £30
HSBC Loan and CC consolidated - £113
Egg Card - £20

Total: £1188.08 in a 4 week month - £1273.08 on a 5 week month.
Total cash spare - 4 wk mnth - £77.92. 5 wk mnth - £-7.08!!

My largest debts are as follows

Lloyds TSB CC - £946.19
Lloyds TSB bank Loan - £7582.71
Egg Card £600
HSBC consolidated loan and credit card - £8780 (over 12 years!!!)
Catalogues - almost £500 (debts I ran up years ago and have now come back to haunt me but slowly being reduced)

I am plucking up the courage to ring CCCS as I speak. I know its something I should do, but just cant face. Typing this email is as far as I have got. I know that once my other half gets a job then things will instantly be better, but I cant go on not knowing how long this will be and its tearing me apart

I have been trying to budget, spending less in supermarkets and going for the bargains. The freebies board is my new best friend! I have sorted a few things to sell on ebay, and I have started up my home made card business again to make a few pennies on the side, but I know that I am just delaying the inevitable.............. Im sorry for going on like this but I needed to say everything in one go otherwise I wouldn't have.

pattiemay

Hi and welcome to the board, best place for advice in the universe. You will meet lots of friends on here and get good advice. The only one I can give at the moment is to please ring cccs, they will make you feel better from the first phone call. I hope you feel better soon.
Pattiexx

moosetastic

thanks pattie, i think now i have summoned up the courage on here, then it makes phoning the CCCS a little easier. To get it off my chest has made me feel better, i just hope i didnt ramble too much

beverleyhills

Welcome to MSE. You have taken the first step by acknowledging the problem on this board.

People more able than me will be along later to give you advice.

Do telephone CCCS, everyone says how much better they feel after the phone call.

What is UGC Cinema? Can you do without it.

You should be able to trim your foodbill.

Regards

moosetastic

thankyou. The Cinema pass I have lets me see as many films i want in a month for 10.99. To be honest its one of the only times I ever go out, so without it I would feel pretty lost, but its something I could manage without if I really had to.

davesgirl_2

goodluck moosetastic;)

CAFCGirl

Hi there,

Welcome to the boards and well done for tackling things head on. I'm sorry to hear things have been so difficult for you but from this point on they can only get better. I've just opted to mention a few things on your SOA that might cut the outgoings a little

Council tax - Have you contacted your council to ensure that you're getting the correct discount, I'm sure that if you're the sole earner, carer etc then you should definitely be entitled to some form of reduction or possibly exemption.

Gas is quite expensive, is this per month or quarterly, do you pay on direct debit?

Definitely give up the UGC card. I used to have one of those and after a while I worked out it really wasnt working for me. If theres something you really want to see, treat yourself, say once per 2 months. I found I was going to see films I wasnt even too bothered about just to make the system worth it!

Food - £200 just for two people?! This could definitely be cut down, I imagine possibly by half within a few months. The OS board has got some fantastic recipes ideas and some people are feeding families of 4 for less than £80 a month. I'm just starting out with my attempt at this, so maybe we could be online help buddies for each other?!

Account charge? I take it this is a fee you pay to your bank per month for your overdraft or something? I'd say change banks! A lot of banks have sign up rewards right now so theres plenty to be had. The 12 bottles of plonk from Smile is a pretty good one I think! They have a fee free overdraft for 12 months!

Catalogue is this to pay off an existing bill?

Do you have the APR's for your cards/catalogue/loan, then we can work out which one you should concentrate on paying back first, in order to save you the most amount of money.

How much extra income does your homemade cards business make at the moment? Is it set up on ebay, does it have a website?

I'd say its very important to take some time for yourself and your relationship. I can tell you obviously care a lot about your partner and Im sure he appreciates all the help that you have given him. However the stress you're feeling at the moment will hamper your efforts to become debt free, so make sure every so often you take a little time to yourself, even if it's just a hour in the bath, undisturb, or laying on the bed in the dark for a little while, and just work on your breathing. I've been looking into meditation and how that might help with my situation. Maybe something along those lines could be good for you.

In terms of your OH, its great that he's making every effort to get back into paid work. What does he 'do' as it were, during the day when you're at work? Is there anyhting you can think of that would help build his confidence to help him when it comes to gettting those interviews?

If you dont mind me asking, what day of the month do you get paid? I've planned out when the 5 week months are going to be for me in terms of my wages so I can plan in advance, as there always soooooooo difficult!

Sorry if I've rambled and I hope something I've said has helped. But like I said, if you fancy a buddy to bounce it all off then feel free to PM me, and maybe we can help each other

Doodles

Hi Moose

I'm sorry to hear that things have been difficult for you and your husband. I'm not surprised you are depressed, things like this take their toll doesn't it.

You must keep telling yourself that things will get better, because they will even if today they don't feel like it will.

A couple of things occurred to me that I hope might help. As a civil servant, surely you will be due your yearly appraisal payrise soon - ie. September (ish) so that will be say £30 extra a month (guessing). Also, in respect of your food bill, is it just you and your husband? If so, i reckon you could knock maybe £40 off of it and still eat pretty well. Those two figures alone could get you back into the black each month.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that something comes up for your husband work wise real soon.

Best wishes.

MrsTinks

I'd say get rid of the UCI card and join the local library you can rent movies there even if it's not free but it could be a "treat" For the films at the cinema why not join Pigsback etc and when you have enough points you can exchange them for vouchers for UCI or boots etc Free cinema
Go OS it's cheaper and better for you Honest!
What is money shop cheque? Sorry if it's really obvious
Check if you can save on your gas and electricity by changing providers... you never know Use Quidco and you could get cashback too same with your home insurance

scottishspendaholic

Hey moose,

Welcome to MSE! Make that call - you can do it, we're all with you!

I can't really add much to the fantastic advice you've already been given - would definitely agree about the UGC card - can you maybe do some DVD online rental tarting (do this through quidco so you get cashback). Also agree about the account charge - there are plenty of free bank accounts around.

You could also think about trying to make some more money. If your OH is at home, could he even do some freefivers/ciao/paid2clicks to earn some vouchers for Christmas? Or maybe he could do AQA? Could he help set up your eBay shop or a website for your card business?

I'm also worried that there is not much leeway in your budget - everyone needs a *little* bit of cash to carry around with them for asprin/pint of milk/packet of stamps/lime'n'soda in the pub etc - even if its a tiny amount. There is absolutely no space for this contigency money in your budget? However, I'm not through CCCS so I'm not sure what the rules are on this issue...?

Anyway - let us know how you get on with the phone call - we're all rooting for you!

scottishspendaholic x

Mrs_Sparkle

Hi and welcome to the board. The others have given you fantastic advice as usual- trimming your food bill is one of the easiest ways to make a difference and it's so satisfying paying off your debts rather than lining Tesco's pockets.

Wishing you the very best of luck in your mission- trust me, writing it all down here is the hardest and scariest bit. With the support you'll get here the rest will be easier- I promise.