Released from voluntary position - help!

ceridwen

liverpoolste wrote: »

Just an outlet - been going along with one of my clients! :beer: But we're that close to them now we treat some as friends.

Maybe THAT is the crux of the matter in actual fact - getting THAT close to clients...

EDIT: and now having read the whole thread - I see I'm not the only one who has noticed this closeness. "Mateyness" is one thing - but I would imagine the usual way of interacting with clients like that in an environment like that is probably "matey" - rather than "formal". BUT the "matey" way of dealing with them is just a "means to an end" - ie a way of relating to them that they will understand/go along with - but it DOES NOT mean that you really ARE "all mates together" with them. Its about boundaries - and you dont seem to have any. To put it a bit more bluntly than others have (though I can see the thought has crossed some of their minds too) - the fact that you dont seem to recognize that there ARE boundaries could mean you might end up crossing the boundary between "offender" and "helper" and become an "offender" yourself at some point - at which point you would become unsuitable for the position you hope for.

I suspect the "personal life" incident is the tip of an iceberg - it would have meant nothing on its own. It is being "blown up" into a problem by them I suspect not because it is of itself - but because of what it represents (ie its symptomatic of your lack of boundaries generally).

Savvy_Sue

ceridwen wrote: »

To put it a bit more bluntly than others have (though I can see the thought has crossed some of their minds too) - the fact that you dont seem to recognize that there ARE boundaries could mean you might end up crossing the boundary between "offender" and "helper" and become an "offender" yourself at some point - at which point you would become unsuitable for the position you hope for.

The dangers start way earlier than that however: when a client sees some behaviour as normal, and you do too, that's great. When their behaviour isn't 'normal', you need to be able to challenge that.

Now I know we deal with a different sort of client group to the OP, but we have to make it very clear to ours that we are NOT their best buddy. So we don't go drinking with them - we will go out for a coffee but wouldn't normally go to the pub, for example. And we make it clear that we work in a professional way, so if there's something of concern it WILL be taken further, it can't be kept 'between friends'.

And our work phones are switched off out of work hours! I can understand having some kind of 'on call' system, but the thought of everyone in a particular roll having their work mobile on 24/7 - :eek::eek::eek:

Apart from anything else, it can lead to a dependency culture. "I'll only talk to Fred, because he's my mentor, and only he can help me." So what if Fred falls under a bus, but you've never dealt with anyone BUT Fred? Our clients really don't like it when their keyworker changes, and they have been known to 'try it on' - insist on asking for 'Fred' even though they KNOW 'Fred's' not fulfilling that role for them any more. BUT it's part of dealing with the real world: you CAN'T always dicate who you'll deal with, and it actually helps in the longer term if you've learned that you can't always have what you want, and you definitely won't get it if you don't learn to deal with a multitude of people.

liverpoolste

I get the view points entirely. Out of ALL my clients - I have only gone out with the one mentioned (this week) and this will not encroach onto my professional relationship or how I deal (hopefully) with him.

We do distinguish rather clearly with those people we could only EVER be formal with, after the first initial screening, the boundaries/rules/needs & wants from each others participation.

Sorry I mentioned going out with the other guy now as I guess that's turning into yet another problem in itself (not in work as they don't know). When all it is, is someone who is a sound guy going for a drink with someone he gets on well with, from a place of work.....

Why do I let myself get so easily entwined in drama?!lol **Waiting for this to be quoted now!**

UPDATE:

Moving on anyway I got up at 0615 to get into the office, which I did at 0715. Spoke for an hour with the Chairman...

I am being cited for unreasonable behaviour by the 2nd in command. She basically doesn't want me there and is coming up with ANY excuse. I believe it all stems from the moment I went above her (she was the reason!) to the Chairman and he sanctioned my move to a salaried role in another section.

I've been told to take two weeks break whilst the Chairman can see if he can liaise with the 2nd in command and bridge my slow re-intergration back into work?

Obviously it's plain for everyone to see that there is something personal there now like a vendetta or something, so until that can be remedied or I can get around a table to have a 'clear the air' moment I'm knackered

Time will tell I guess....

DVardysShadow

liverpoolste wrote: »

I get the view points entirely. Out of ALL my clients - I have only gone out with the one mentioned (this week) and this will not encroach onto my professional relationship or how I deal (hopefully) with him.

Stephen, I'm reading your posts and I am feeling bothered. I am feeling that something is not right [just to be clear for everyone's benefit, I do feel reasonably confident that Stephen is not concealing anything from us].

It's the alcohol tale [a drink is OK, of course]. It is the lack of boundaries, it is the pace of events it is the confusion of personal and professional life and how the 2 spill into each other. And the sense that as you narrate, the issues are running in your mind's eye at 20 times the speed and you can't write fast enough to keep up. It is the sense that you are viewing everyone around you as being in slow motion, but you are completely unaware that everyone around you is wanting you to slow down. In short, it is blckbrd's word, manic.

Now, Stephen, I am no expert and this forum is probably not the place, but I feel you have been on a fairly sustained ride to a high and you are now coming off that high and possibly destined for a ride to quite a low. I also think that probably your bosses are on to it a bit - but the chairman is taking a longer view - just relax about that. I don't know what to suggest, but I do suggest that you think about whether the rest of the world is going at the same speed as you and you get some help to get yourself going at a pace only slightly faster than the rest of us [if you agree with what I am saying]. If you can get down to that pace, stay there and recognise and keep your boundaries very strictly, then you should be able to keep it together and be a positive member of a team such as yours

speedbird1973

I have to say you seem to have your own dependancy issues? You're clinging onto this job a little too much to be healthy (in my entirely unprofessional opinion). Under the right circumstances professional/personal/client boundries can cross. I've been holiday with clients of mine, I've been out with a few and I've been to a few of their weddings! However - I work for a software/data consultancy NOT the type of business which is more akin to a doctor/patient relationship. There's probably no harm done, but if you remain involved with the organisation then cut of the client/professional relationships.

In terms of relationships at work - they're a good thing. You spend more time with these people than your family. If you get on with them, there's nothing wrong with socialising with them.

I have some friends with mental health issues and as soon as they have something to fixate on everything else falls by the wayside. As soon as they realise you can help, and you want to help they come completely dependant on you. I wonder if the same is happening with you and the job?

bendix

blckbrd wrote: »

You're posts make me think you're manic OP - as if your mouth/fingers just run away with you! Sorry if that sound harsh.

It can be a shame to dampen sheer enthusiasm but perhaps you need to rein youself in a little at work.

Manic!

My god, he's posting like a 16 year old girl with the verbal trots.

With the greatest of respect to the OP, he's giving me a bloody headache with his posts, so god knows what he's like to work with. Why do I have the picture of Vikki Pollard in my head?

Seriously OP, you TXT'd your boss to try to sort the problem out? What the hell are you thinking?

Pick the goddamn phone up.

ceridwen

Quite agree - ie with the above post.

I'm afraid OP you are coming over as a bit of a "drama queen"....I havent actually met you....most/all of us havent either...but its NOT helping your cause AT ALL....

The vast vast majority of people simply cant/wont handle anything like that - because (in the grand scheme of things) we very likely have all sorts of other things going on too:

- severe illness (of ourselves or those close to us)
- housing problems (ditto)
- general money problems (ditto)
- the state of the World generally

All of which boils down to we simply cant and/or wont give any time/attention to someone who simply hasnt sussed how things are in such a basic respect and is screeching about something that seems to come back down to them in the end....

I'm sorry/very sorry - I'm not usually QUITE that blunt....but sometimes it really DOES seem to be necessary...

liverpoolste

bendix wrote: »

Manic!

My god, he's posting like a 16 year old girl with the verbal trots.

With the greatest of respect to the OP, he's giving me a bloody headache with his posts, so god knows what he's like to work with. Why do I have the picture of Vikki Pollard in my head?

Seriously OP, you TXT'd your boss to try to sort the problem out? What the hell are you thinking?

Pick the goddamn phone up.

Is the purpose of this forum to further dampen someones spirits when they're down?

I made a boo-boo (politely). One I'm trying to rectify.

I apologise sincerely (well, not really to idiots like you) to those that seem to think I enjoy embarrassing myself by asking for advice and constructive criticism and in return want insults and grief....

Thank you to all those that really did help with the clarity of the situation.

And to the post directly above this one - YES I have other issues like financial, now family and maybe even emotional at the min. One thing I won't do is go posting on the relevant sections here so that I may be a sacrificial lamb, ready for a roasting.....

Once again thanks to the postees that replied. I'll ask to get this thread closed as it's getting silly now.

Mature enough for you bendix?

ceridwen

I was not referring to YOUR other issues - I was referring to the "other issues" that OTHER people have.

Many people have issues....many people have problems.....oh me gawd....throws up hands in despair at poster who simply cant/wont get that there ARE other people around besides themselves......

Better go before I get any blunter........

Savvy_Sue

Actually, I'm not just concerned about YOU, ste, I'm concerned about the ethos of the whole organisation ...

I know that on one level it sounds lovely to think that clients are able to phone their mentors at any time of the day or night, and that you think of each other as friends, and socialise together etc.

BUT on a staff management level, it sounds like an HR disaster waiting to happen!

Boundaries are there for the protection of staff, and if an organisation does not care for its staff, it won't be able to retain them.

Plus, I would say that in a large city, there will be more than one agency / organisation working with this kind of client, and if that's your passion then over the next couple of weeks it would be worth exploring who they are, what they do, how they do it, and where they advertise their vacancies. Your CVS may be the answer to that last question, there and in your local Big Issue.