wonder how much she would be entitled to?

Cacran

My daughter is 20 weeks pregnant. He finished the relationship a couple of weeks ago. He can't cope with her difficult (health wise) pregnancy, or we think that is the case as there seems no other tangible reason. It seems that prior to their year long, happy relationship, he had emotional problems. DD knew nothing of this until the past couple of weeks. This is very traumatic for her. He is in the police force. he is now on leave due to his emotional state. It doesn't seem as though he has any intention of being with her anymore.
She is off work and is not likely to go back until after she has had the baby. They have vacated their rented flat. He says he'll pay the rent until the company get new tennants or the contract is up, which is just before the date the baby is due. She has moved in with us as she only has SSP to live off.
Does he have to have his name on the birth cert? Does he have to go with her to register the birth? Can she use her own surname for the child?
How much maintenance could she expect from him for the child? He says he wants to be able to see or take the forthcoming child whenever he wants. She feels as though she wants to keep the child from him as he is unstable. He has thought of suicide and she has been told that this is not the first time he has revealed these tendacies.As he has left her, could the authorities make her let him take the child?
If she goes back to work when the child is born and her maternity leave is up, what help could she get from the government? She is not on a very
big wage. Would she get help with rent and childcare?

Loopy_Girl

Okay....lots of questions!!!!

No he doesn't have to have his name on the birth certificate although I would question why he wouldn't. Whatever kind of person he is, he is still the baby's father and the baby deserves to know that.

If your daughter wanted his name on the birth cert then he would have to go with her.

Yes, the baby can have her surname.

As a CSA guidline, he would be expected to contribute 15% of his wages as child support.

Although he may be unstable that is no reason to keep him from his child. Plenty of people with mental health problems bring up children perfectly well. She has another 20 weeks of pregnancy to go. Am assuming that he is on some kind of medication which should have more than taken effect by then. If your daughter is concerned then she could have the access supervised at first. This could be informally at her/your house or you could get SS involved.
The fact that he left her is irrelevant and should have no bearing on him being allowed to see his baby. No one can 'force' her to do anything although he could exercise his rights as a father for access to his child.

If she goes back to work then providing she is working 16 hours, she will get WTC/CTC and this can include 80% of her childcare costs. She would get the 25% reduction on her council tax. And depending on her wage (which you say is low) she would probably get help towards her rent.

Please don't let any bitterness about the split stop him from being a parent. There are plenty Mums out there who would like nothing better than their child(rens) Dad's to take an interest in them. Having emotional issues doesn't mean he can't be a good Dad. It's not his fault that your daughter has been so poorly throughout her pregnancy and he shouldn't be punished for it. The main concern is for the baby who deserves 2 parents.

Cacran

thanks for your reply.

ideally his name will be on the birth certificate, just not sure if he will go with DD. If he wouldn't go, what then?

He is not having treatment for his emotions and will not take medication. when he goes back to work he will see an occupational therapist. I doubt he will tell them what is happening as he covers up well. up until all this DD thought he was really reliable without any hang ups. all has now been revealed. my daughters worry is that he would take their baby to his family and influence the child in an adverse way. she does not want the baby to have any of his emotional problems.DD wants him here now to work out their problem but he will not even see her. he should be going to the gp with her on monday as gp wants to see him to explain her condition. he won't go there either. he is not being punished for my daughter being ill, he is punishing her.
he is from a broken home and has a problem with his father who left when he was 2. his dad wants him but he is no longer willing to see his dad. his mother intercepts his mail from his dad, that says a lot to me!

Vader123

Hi Cacran

Can I make a suggestion, no matter how bad it sounds?

Can I suggest you back off a bit?

You don't mention your daughters age, but I assume she is a adult, and she sounds like a sensible one.

I don't know your daughter, or you, or the father, but your posts are coming across a little "judgemental".

You are providing a stable home for DD and baby, and thats a good thing, but meddling and judging the father is not helpful.

By all means help and support your daughter (you are doing this) but try to avoid heresay and passing judgement.

Good luck to you and yours.

Vader

Loopy_Girl

If he doesn't want to go to register the baby's birth (which I find odd since he has said he wants to be a big part of his/her life) then, as they are unmarried, your daughter will have to register alone and as such there will be a line where the 'father's name' is.

How can you influence a baby in an adverse way? And emotional problems aren't 'catching'!! Sorry but I think you are being harsh on him.

He is not punishing her...he is unwell and at the moment he is clearly not facing up to it yet and no one can force him. It doesn't make him a bad parent however.

Unless the baby was in grave physical danger (which by him talking about suicide does not mean he would harm his baby) then he has a right to be a father.

Emotional and mental problems don't make you a bad person or a bad parent.

Loopy_Girl

And it's actually not 'their' problem. It is his problem and he needs time to work out what it is that is going to solve it for him. No one can do it for him and no one can force him.

Loopy_Girl

Sorry, I keep re-reading the first post.

Wouldn't you also think that a valid 'tangible reason' to split up with your daughter is the issues that he is having at the moment?

As oppose to thinking it's because of a difficult pregnancy?

You clearly don't hold him in high regard - that much is obvious - but you need to try and be the voice of reason when your daughter is hormonal and very poorly....she has nothing to do but lie all day and stew about things.

I just think if she is saying stuff like the stuff you are posting then you should maybe suggest other ways she looks at things - even if you don't agree with them.

Cacran

Hi there. Perhaps you are both right to a certain degree, but it is hard seeing our daughter is so much distress. We can't do anything to help her other than look after her. We hope he will come back to her, the sooner the better, and with his emotions in control. I more than anyone know what depression is like, I have suffered most of my life and so have my brother, mum and grandmother. I take medication all the time. The difference is, I do something about it so that my emotions stay within myself and do not cause others any misery.
I have been very friendly with her BF we have been on holiday together and have been very much on the same wave length. I have sympathised with him as I knew it was hard for him to deal with her pregnancy. I can even say that I still like him when he thinks straight.
He said he'd wanted to go to the doctors and hospital with her even though they are not together but when an appointment comes up he declines. that is why my daughter thinks he may not go with her to register the birth.
Maybe you have got an impression of me from the things I say but I am asking these things because in the worst case scenario, I want to know what she can expect. She talks to me about these things. I have never pushed her into doing or not doing anything. I just sit waiting to pick up the pieces when or if it goes wrong.