Adopting a child & house-changes!

naypo

Hey Guys

My husband and I are looking to adopt a child, we've been married for 5 1/2 years and ready to start a family and feel adoption is right to pursue (It's not that we can't have children, my upbringing has had an impact on this decision to adopt)

We know it takes up to 6 months for approval and further for a child to be matched to you. We will be looking to adopt for after September (after our anniversary holiday!) Now, there is a lot to do to the house which our new landlady (a very good friend) is paying the majority for (garden makeover, redecorating upstairs bedrooms, garage conversion, insulating etc...) as she wants to support us in this decision and make our lives better - a real blessing!

Now that you have a bit of background knowledge, I was wondering if it is worth starting the adoption process now and informing the agency of these changes, or waiting until these changes are in affect (March onwards) so they can see it happening as they may look at us and see our current living conditions unsuitable for a child which may affect the decision process? One agency discourages having your own family afterwards but others support it so quite mixed vibes!

In case you need anything else, we'll be ideally looking for a child between 3-6 (so not a baby!) as any older and they may not see us as ' natural parents' as we're quite a young couple ourselves! I'm part time and can work flexi-hours from home if they're school-age.

Any advice would be great if anyone has experience

Nay

clairebearandme

Hi Nay

I am afraid that i do not have any experience regarding the logistics of adopting a child. However i do know two people, both whose lives have been blessed by adoption. I think that you and your husband will be providing a child with an amazing gift. That of a family, parents who will give unconditional love (i am sure). It is lovely to hear that you are looking for an older child, (3-6) its is sad the amount of older children who are avaliable for adoption, the best thing about this age group, they normally need loads and loads of extra cuddles and kisses. I hope that your arms have enough energy!!!! I hope that you take us anong on your journey!!! Have fun.

elektra-2007

naypo wrote: »

Hey Guys

We know it takes up to 6 months for approval and further for a child to be matched to you. We will be looking to adopt for after September (after our anniversary holiday!) Now, there is a lot to do to the house which our new landlady (a very good friend) is paying the majority for (garden makeover, redecorating upstairs bedrooms, garage conversion, insulating etc...) as she wants to support us in this decision and make our lives better - a real blessing!

Nay

Im gona sound a bit mean here but what if it all goes smoothly and theres a child out there before september, would you forgo your holiday, or leave them in limbo waiting for you to come back?
Im sure any adoption agency will take into account work you are going to do, as they dont just visit your home once so even if you started now, things would get going then they would see it. Maybe if you 100% sure u want to wait till after september, leave it till nearer the time then it defo wont happen till after then.
Ive heard many stories of people having children after adopting, some work and some dont, the one that sticks in my mind is my old neighbour who adopted a lad age 3 then went on to have 4 kids and when he was a teenager put him back in care as she said she couldnt cope and he didnt feel like he was hers. A really sad situation.
GOOD LUCK

naypo

Hey guys,

thanks for the replies! I know there are over 4,000 kids in the UK looking for adoptive parents (not including fostering) for one reason or another so if we are 'successful candidates' we know it will be very difficult at times, but also very rewarding.

We've never had a holiday for ourselves (except our honeymoon week!) as always visiting family instead because there are so many of them around the UK! This will be our one big final holiday together as a couple alone which the agencies have encouraged us to have before adopting. The process wouldn't officially start until March for the 'open days' so would provide the 6 months gap and then some more if they don't find a child for us soon after. Plus, the house is being altered from March so might work quite well?

Elektra - That is really sad about your neighbour's son, it is true that some work out and some don't, we know there aren't perfect parents out there but we'll try our best to help and provide the love & care that the child needs throughout their whole life.

All very exciting but daunting at the same time!

GreenQueen

There is a link to a previous discussion which covered much of this ground - I remember posting to it:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1014355&highlight=

6 months is quite optimistic - we actually took 2 years from inital enquiry to our DD moving in with us.

Good luck!

GreenQueen

Just realised reading this again that my reply looked a bit short - it wasn't meant to sound like that:rolleyes:

Adoption is very worth while and brings lots of joy to all parties. It isn't for everybody, but the process helps you to if it's right for you, and gives you the support you need.

Hope it goes well for you - sounds as if you are already lined up with an open day.

GQ

naypo

We were told to allow for 6 months but realistically know it may take a year or so, that's one reason why we're thinking of starting the process now as it is very rare that they find a child straight away!

DianneB

We started by fostering and the process took 12 months before we were approved, then the search for a suitable child starts (which will take longer for adoption) although I guess it depends which area you live in. Start the process now, you will have regular visits from a social worker assigned to you and you will be able to explain that the house and garden are works in progress. Good luck!!

floss2

naypo wrote: »

... ready to start a family and feel adoption is right to pursue (It's not that we can't have children, my upbringing has had an impact on this decision to adopt)...

Have you accepted that this decision may be questioned by several people during this process, and that you may be asked to justify it as part of the adoption process? (I am not asking for details as they are personal & none of my business - just wish to be sure you are ready to possibly defend & explain your decision)

Counting_Pennies_2

My sister is due to adopt in the next few months, has been approved and waiting for the right match.

They are very strict about there being no disruption to the child, so any house improvements should be done before the child is in your care, however, it is possible to go through the adoption process while doing the work, you just need to be sure that by the date of the first visit by the child the work is complete.

My sister recently went through a bereavement, and they then have to take a period of time out before being matched because again of any disruption to the child through grief.

hth

System

Can't say i have any knowledge of adoption but what you're doing is a wonderful thing and i hope all goes well for you and your new child