No contact but screwed by pwc through CSA

CSA_Help

After years of getting abused by the CSA and the PWC the child has now turned 16 .I had no parental rights as we wren't married and tried through a lawyer for regular contact but was found to be impossible.
In the end for my own sanity i stupidly walked away .

I am now happily married with another child and because of the recent trauma i have had with the CSA is it time to rock the boat on my part now as the PWC has reaped the benefits over the last 10+ years .All her instigating the CSA over the years to screw more out of me has came back to bite her on the bum now .

When do you think i should go in for the kill and contact the child for my side of the story

mum2one

I think that would the the worst thing in the world to do, yes I fully appriciate that you are angry and upset about the situation, but put the boot on the childs foot, all he/she has known is what the pwc has told them, their loyalties are going to be with that parent, you come in guns a blazing with your side of the story, ur going to blow everything into pieces and risk any chance of a family that you had.
I think the last thing this child will ever need to know if you want any chance of a future, your have to bite your tounge and basically paper over the cracks.

I don't know whether you have any contact with family that see the child, maybe write a letter asking to get back in touch, but it may be a no, but at least you've open the channel of communication, and trust me having a channel of communication available regarding how slim is better than nothing.

CSA_Help

mum2one wrote: »

I think that would the the worst thing in the world to do, yes I fully appriciate that you are angry and upset about the situation, but put the boot on the childs foot, all he/she has known is what the pwc has told them, their loyalties are going to be with that parent, you come in guns a blazing with your side of the story, ur going to blow everything into pieces and risk any chance of a family that you had.
I think the last thing this child will ever need to know if you want any chance of a future, your have to bite your tounge and basically paper over the cracks.

I don't know whether you have any contact with family that see the child, maybe write a letter asking to get back in touch, but it may be a no, but at least you've open the channel of communication, and trust me having a channel of communication available regarding how slim is better than nothing.

After writing the post i did think to myself rather OTT on my part as its not the childs fault .Maybe at 16 is a bit too young to take in .

She got married and i thought things would have settled down but when i got married thats when the hassle really started with the CSA .Werent even back our honeymoon and letters wanting to know my wifes name and deatils as they knew the particular date we got married

Found_true_love

Tread carefully my friend

Have you had any contact (direct or indirect) over the last few years?

What your child will have been told is that you have abandoned him/her (maybe) you now have a huge responsibility upon your shoulders depending on what the child has been told.

DONT go in telling your child that its all mums fault, that will entrench any thoughts the child has been told by mum.

First re-establish the communication, you may get rebuffed, dont be surprised, take it on the chin and try again a bit later, show your child that you care and that you didnt want it to be this way but now you have the ability to communicate again without fear of court intervention then you will gladly try and put things right.

build trust, confidence show that you will be there now you may face hostility - take it like a man with reverence and humility, say that you understand thier anger and you would be angry with your father in the same place.

Once this has been built then is the time to gently put your side of things forward, be patient be loving and demonstrate through actions your intentions.

I hope this helps, you have been abused by the system the system does not care for you or your child it is only there to serve the mothers that contact block and are greedy. I dont know why that is but that is the system, we have to get on with it or go under

13Kent

I would instigate regular contact with the child and enjoy that first, whether it be just phone calls or visits. Then I would build up a relationship and wait for the child to ask you questions. When the child does ask then try to be as honest, as matter of fact and unemotional as you can. Maintain your dignity and rise above the lies you already know about, and the further lies you are likely to hear.

Good Luck I hope it all works out for you.

DX2

Found_true_love wrote: »

What your child will have been told is that you have abandoned him/her (maybe) you now have a huge responsibility upon your shoulders depending on what the child has been told.

I hope this helps, you have been abused by the system the system does not care for you or your child it is only there to serve the mothers that contact block and are greedy. I dont know why that is but that is the system, we have to get on with it or go under

What a load of BS! please stop looking in your crystal ball it's very cloudy! How can you possibly know what a mother has told a child about an absent father :rolleyes:

Loopy_Girl

Found_true_love wrote: »

I hope this helps, you have been abused by the system the system does not care for you or your child it is only there to serve the mothers that contact block and are greedy. I dont know why that is but that is the system, we have to get on with it or go under

And what about the parents that use it sensibly? Or that parents that have no choice.:rolleyes:

Jesus, I thought others on here had a blinkered view of PWC but you really take the biscuit....bitter doesn't even scratch the surface:eek:

speedster

DX2 wrote: »

What a load of BS! please stop looking in your crystal ball it's very cloudy! How can you possibly know what a mother has told a child about an absent father :rolleyes:

i'm afraid that's quite standeard procedure where a contact blocker is involved.

they cover up their guilt of depriving the child of a parent by blaming the "absent parent"

if you dug around the physchological community, you'd see this trend in many areas.

on a personal note, a friend of mine had a carbon copy of this. his daughter detested him for years until, when in her teens she befriended the daughter of a mutual firend and her mother corrected her on a few of the "facts" the poor girl had been given.

my friend and his daughter now have a fantastic relationship. in fact i had an email from them the other week, they're visiting his family in australia and he emailed to let me know they were diving the barrier reef that day. gits!!!!!!

thing is, although she loves her mum, she holds a lot of anger towards her for the lies she told her about her dad and it now effects her relationship with her mother. she's lost her daughters respect and that is major thing to lose.

DX2

Thanks for your reply Speedy.

Just something that has crossed my mind with my own situation, as you know NRP doesn't want nothing to do with child, what's stopping him in a say a few years time getting in contact with my child and blaming me

See what I mean it could become a PWC v's NRP battle, he said, she said etc etc nothing stopping the NRP trying to manipulate the situation.

speedster

DX2 wrote: »

Thanks for your reply Speedy.

Just something that has crossed my mind with my own situation, as you know NRP doesn't want nothing to do with child, what's stopping him in a say a few years time getting in contact with my child and blaming me

See what I mean it could become a PWC v's NRP battle, he said, she said etc etc nothing stopping the NRP trying to manipulate the situation.

facts. pure and simple.

my mate tried maintaining contact. he had all the police reports of her false accusations as well as the court papers that dispelled all her lies. but the turning point was her new friends mum correcting her when she was ranting about how her dad didn't care about her and had legged it. she was sat down and given a few facts and told to go and see her mum's mum who would give her the same story.

it took a while, but the seed had been planted and it was about 6 months later she contacted her dad through her nan. he then filled in the blanks and showed her the BIG file of paperwork from the father who had "abandoned" her.

the truth will out in the end, so you'll have no worries. what proof will your ex have? naff all, i suspect.

CSA_Help

speedster wrote: »

facts. pure and simple.

my mate tried maintaining contact. he had all the police reports of her false accusations as well as the court papers that dispelled all her lies. but the turning point was her new friends mum correcting her when she was ranting about how her dad didn't care about her and had legged it. she was sat down and given a few facts and told to go and see her mum's mum who would give her the same story.

it took a while, but the seed had been planted and it was about 6 months later she contacted her dad through her nan. he then filled in the blanks and showed her the BIG file of paperwork from the father who had "abandoned" her.

the truth will out in the end, so you'll have no worries. what proof will your ex have? naff all, i suspect.

I knew the lawyers letters and the court papers to get me out the house would come in handy one day .It's just the timing thats right .I have a problem with my child just now to tell him he has a half sibling .

There was a brief encounter out shopping and the pwc stated to child thats such and such at the top of her voice not even introduced as dad

She is very evil and tries to manipulate everyone into thinking i was in the wrong as ive heard through the grapevine.