Not sure what to do?

gilly41

Hi
My son is coming up 21---he is away at Uni and going in to his 3rd year in September.He has lived with his dad, my ex, for about 3.5 years. He is the youngest and he decided when his dads second wife left him and he was own that he would go and keep him company. It is only a few streets away from me and he calls almost every day(usually for food LOL!!!).In term time he lives away at Uni.It has worked out fine for him as he really, for the last year, has had the house to himself as his Dad has met someone else and is out most of the time.
Anyhow, this is the bit that I am not sure what to advise on.When my son left(well after about a year) I turned his bedroom, which is very tiny, in to a office/study type thing as I work part time from home and it made it much easier having everything in one room(we only live in a small house and I previously had the computer in our bedroom!!).It has just been OH and myself for the last 3 years as my daughter lives with her boyfriend down south.My son told me last night that his dad is putting his house up for sale----my son asked him where he was suppose to live and he said casually "OOO you can move back in with mum and stepdad".Now, I am not sure what you all think but in 3 years I have moved on and so has my son. He said last night that he doesnt want to move back home and that he couldnt live by my rules etc etc. I know my ex is entitled to sell up and move on

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but my son really cant see it this way. He says he feels that he is now left with no where to live and that his dad isnt bothered!!! I am not sure what to say to him---he could if he had to live here but I really cant see it working. He loves his nights out and regualarly has his gf stopping over which I wouldnt really want here.
I love him dearly and feel "mean" if I dont say yes come back. He has a mate who has said he could live there in hols---but it would obviously cost him!!!
Help please????
Thanks xx

MrsTinks

I can totally sympathise as when times have been tough for me one of my few options has always been to move back home to my mum and I KNOW we would end up at each others throats. I wouldn't even contemplate moving back with my dad and his family to be honest.
If his dad doesn't have room for him anymore and frankly he IS coming up to 21, then how about helping him find a room in a shared house? I know that might sound mean but I moved out of home when I was 16 so at 21 I have to say I think it's a bit cheeky of him to expect a roof over his head And I personally would prefer my independance any way
If you can help him financially or just with good advice then this would be my suggestion Letting him move in should only be an emergency solution

gilly41

Hi
Thanks for the advice. My son isnt wanting to come back but his dad is just assuming he can come back and live here!! To be fair that is my ex all over but I really cant be bothered even thinking about him as he has been the same since we split many many years ago---he just assumes that i will always sort the "kids" out!!!!
I know that we would be at each others throats too---he comes and goes as he pleases now and this would never be an option living here!!Plus I would have no where to work as my office is his old bedroom!!
You have made me feel better tine---thanks!
I have actually said to my OH that we could maybe help him out if he lives with his mate ----but I would need to see how much he was charging and just what we could afford to give him(I obviously dont want him to pack Uni in as he is sooo close to his degree!!).
Thanks xx

MrsTinks

Also worth looking into if his Uni has a hardship fund where he can get a one off payment to help him out if he explains that his dad has chucked him out and made him in effect homeless etc... Packing uni in would be silly and I think another possibility might be for him to get a part time job, I had a job for the last few years I was at school and still managed to finish my baccalaureate It can be done - but it WILL mean less time to party
Just remember he IS 21 (nearly) and so should be perfectly able to take care of himself so long as you are there to support him and offer him advice

tyllwyd

Hi! I'm a bit confused about what the situation is - you said that your son is away at university and thinking about living with a mate during the holidays - but I guess that he must be studying close to where you live because he lives nearby at the moment?

Is there any option for him to get accomodation through the university next year? It was a long time ago that I was at uni, but I remember claiming housing benefit when I was studying - have the rules changed, or would that still be possible?

gilly41

Hi
Sorry if I didnt make it very clear. He is away at Uni(100 miles away) in Uni accomodation in term time but in holidays he lives with his dad(that is his home). At the moment he is back til he returns to Uni in September and then he will be home again for 4 weeks at Xmas.
xx