Struggling and need some support...

Jo_R_2

Hi all

Recently my mum was gravely ill. It was touch and go for a short time but she is home now. However although physically she is better, she is now on anti-epilepsy meds (she wasn't epileptic previously) and is seeing a neurologist as there will be some long-term effects, exactly what we're not completely sure yet.

She isn't quite "there." It's hard to explain; what I said to OH was that although she's talking and making eye contact, there's nothing behind that look. It's very strange and upsets me, but I just chat like we always have. I gather the meds may have some effect but need to check that more.

My parents have been a very strong source of support since my DDs were little and my ex moved out. I have suffered from severe depression and they were fab, always there if I needed a hand or was having a bad day. DDs slept over once every two weeks.

Obviously now mum isn't strong enough to help, she was concerned bless her but I said don't worry, we're great, you just concentrate on relaxing and getting better. However the truth is I can feel the black cloud and I am starting to struggle.

There's lots of factors... Mum being ill was quite scary and we're not sure quite how she'll be in the future. Dad found it difficult to deal with talking to doctors on mum's behalf so we've been supporting him with that, and I've been worried about him eating enough.

We moved house last June and my support network isn't great. We only moved across town, but I've hardly seen my new HV and don't feel all that comfortable with her - my previous one was very supportive. I have a psychiatrist but not due to see him until March.

I have a Home Start visitor who is lovely but she often cancels visits - she's supposed to come once a week but it's more like every other week if that so don't see her much.

My parents having DDs to stay every other weekend was great. I never foresaw it as a permanent arrangement but now it's been whipped away it's quite scary. It was an arrangement made with the help of my old HV to break up the long chunks of time which I had trouble coping with. DDs stay with their dad every other weekend inbetween but he is never keen on helping much in the weeks between when he has them.

We were saying what a rubbish month or two we've had; mum being ill; preceding that all the family got a sick bug, with OH and dad being really ill (which is what started mum off), OH's nanna and grandad both having to go into care homes, and an old friend of mine died before Christmas. I seem to have managed up til now but my worry is how I'm feeling and what would I do if I got worse - the usual support networks aren't out there and I'd be flailing about and struggling.

Sorry for long post, just wanted some advice on what to do as can't think straight today

choille

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum.

I think you'd be wise to make an appointment at your GP & explain all the extra presssures you are under & try & get a quicker appointment with the physchiatrist - does your medical centre do councilling sessions that would be weekly?
If you could get your home start visitor updated on your recent circumstances & say you need as much input as possible.
If you've enyone at all that you could just vent to - even over the phone, then do, pull in all the people that you can.
It's not easy that you are in a new place, but if you had support networks previously, dig them up & explain what is going on & you would welcome a bit of support.
All the bestX

BitterAndTwisted

Darling, it's really not unusual to be feeling terribly stressed and anxious with all of the uncertainty you're having to deal with at the moment, especially as you feel you've no adequate support. Stress and anxiety can lead to mild depression, it's only natural, none of us is made of stone.

Please don't believe that as your mother is not responding 100% that she is not fully aware of what's going on around her. If you feel the need to talk to Mum and express how you're feeling about all of this, please just do it.

You might feel like a black cloud is descending but this is probably only temporary, I expect. Please talk to your GP and ask for some support, even if it's someone else to talk to around your psych's appointments.

jellymid

Gosh, you've had a rotten time. I agree with choille and BandT's suggestions. You are recognising that your support system is reduced, so ask for a bit more help from anywhere you can. Well done for recognising the signs - you could always ring you old health visitor, too, for advice. I hope life gets a bit better for you soon.

Jo_R_2

Been having a carp day but got through. Thank you for all your words, I have been thinking a lot today, since I came out of my last bout of depression I have been determined not to go "there" again and I am inclined to think that as mentioned, it is circumstantial and simply a natural reaction to what has been going on around me.

I hate feeling dependent on people, I have done really well to get to where I am re: my state of mind and how I cope with the day-to-day and trying to be more self-reliant and don't want to be taking steps back.

Tomorrow I will be contacting my old HV and seeing if she can open some doors for me with my new HV, just to break the ice if you like as I often find that the most difficult first step.

Ladyhawk

Hi Jo, sorry I can't offer any advice except well done for seeing the signs and doing something about it. Remember that you don't have to be strong 100% of the time. Good luck.

SuziQ

You've already had some great advice,but can I just add,that the more you see this new HV hopefully the more comfortable you will be with her,and hopefully that will be a new source of support?

I'm so sorry about your mum. People can be 'odd' and 'not there' when first given anit-epileptics-often the dosage needs to finely tuned and it's important that the specialist knows what is happening when he reviews her in case he needs to adjust the dosage. I really think you are going to be fine,you know-you know exactly what is going on,what helps etc and need to adjust to this new 'normal' that you family has been handed. I've had pnd and know how awful it is and I sense that fear in you,but persevere and take each day at a time. Make sue you eat well. I don't know how old you children are,but make sure you take full advantage of local care schemes at school holiday times-your sure start should be able to advise and refer you. Local churches also often run daily sessions and can be a way for you to get a break,even if only for a couple of hours. Also try to make some new friends where you now live as this will be a huge benefit to you. Good luck!