My Dilema, advice needed!

JimLad

Hello Everyone!

I have a bit of a dilema at the moment. Ive been going out with a girl for a several months now, and the other day we were talking about living together when she starts her 3 year PHD course in September.

At the moment, i live with my parents and would love to escape them and live with her. The only problem is at the moment, i can save around 75% of my salary due to the lack of bills and minor rent payments.

If we were to move in together in september, i will have not reached my mortgage deposit target by around 10k. Sadly she has so savings as she is a student and all her small wages go to living. Therefore we would be renting.

Obviously, i could still save if i rented with her for a while, just not as much. Originally i was planning on living here with my folks until i had my deposit, then moving out into a house i had bought.

This changes everything and i wonder if any of you out there have been in a similar situation or could advise me what you think?

Thanks!

smartpicture

You've been going out for 'several months' - you barely know this girl, and committing to a minimum 6-month rental agreement on the basis of that would be foolhardy. You sound like you've been making sensible financial judgements and plans up to now, why throw all that away based on lust & hormones? Sorry if that sounds harsh, but if you're meant to be together, it will happen in the end, what's the rush?

Of course, I'm an old fuddy-duddy who's seen a few failed relationships and a few lousy financial decisions based on 'being in love', so I may be biased.

marcg

There's more to life than money, go for it. What would you do with the deposit anyway? Buy a house and have her pay a contribution towards rent? Put x% in her name despite only being together such a short time?

Renting is pretty low risk in terms of commitment and is the next step along for you both.

Jowo_2

Depends whether you value your independence and capacity to save more than your commitment to the relationship and if it brings you more joy than monitoring a bank balance.

You have to consider whether your relationship could be damaged by any potential of yours to resent the extra cost of your new lifestyle, too, if you are particularly attached to thriftiness and your GF isn't.

Nothing wrong with going steady for a decent period of time before nesting.

Interesting dilemma.

BitterAndTwisted

September is nine months away, longer than you've been seeing this girl so I definitely think it's a bit premature to be considering entering into a legally-binding contract with her now. Why not wait until later on in the year? A lot of new relationships end before the six-months mark and yours might too so it all might be academic by about July/August in any case.

Please, do not underestimate how stressful it can be living with someone else, never mind someone who should be devoting all their time to full-time study, especially for a person who has never left the comfort of Mummy and Daddy's house

PasturesNew

Never live with anybody until you've been with them at least two Xmases .... Xmas and family and who goes where and what's expected ... can turn people into demons.

You hardly know her really.

Statistically it's doomed, for the reasons other people have given above.

property.advert

Lets face facts, you are a grown man who lives at home with his parents. You probably should have left home long ago anyway. You chose not to because you like to count your pennies and probably like home cooking.

You cannot say you would love to "escape them" because the evidence is there that you have not done so ! Try not to fool yourself.

Setting up home with your first GF is great. What normally happens though is two people who already live by themselves (or in shared properties) meet. Thus they are not constrained by mam and dad listening at the bedroom door ! Moving in together is just the same as sharing with their current flatmates. Sleeping over is normal long before then.

Surely though you would be splitting the rent and bills 50/50 ? Would that be so much more than you pay now ? If she is expecting you to contribute more than 50%, no way Jose.

I'm a great believer in kids getting out from their parents house ASAP and not coming back but not all are as independent as I am I know.

I notice that it wasn't you wanting to move in with her but rather her wanting to set up together when it suited her. I guess you still like it too much at home with mama and papa. Forgive me for being blunt but perhaps the attraction to you of having a live in is more about sex on tap and not worrying about your parents hearing (if she stays over at all) than it is about your love for her and your desire to set up home together.

Most guys would not need to come to an internet forum full of strangers to ask whether they should move in with their girlfriend. To me, if she is good enough to be a partner, she's good enough to live with. Other stuff just has to fit around your relationship. Either you are committed or you are not.

Sorry if it is too blunt, I just say it like I see it.