Family Drama - dont really know what to do

Blade26

I don’t think I am really looking for advice as such, just needed to get this off my chest as my family is currently divided.

I am one of four daughters, there are my 2 sisters (aged 44 and 42) from Mum’s first marriage and me and my twin (aged 32) from Mum’s marriage to Dad, Mum and Dad have been married 35 years and together for nearly 37 years. Myself, my twin and eldest sister all live 30 minutes drive away, sister 2 lives round the corner.

Mum has been really poorly over Xmas which has led to a drastic weight loss of over 1 stone, which coming off someone really petite is worrying. Anyway, I convinced her to go to see the Dr as she kept saying I’ll go after Xmas, but the symptoms she was having weren’t right. The Dr diagnosed her with an ulcer and referred her for an endoscopy.

All the family was together on Boxing Day, Mum was clearly unwell but put a brave face on it. Between Xmas and New Year she had her endoscopy and it showed some lesions on her stomach which the Consultant thought were the start of an ulcer and took some samples for testing.

Mum was still in a lot of pain and on New Year’s Eve went to A & E where they said she also may have gallstones and prescribed her some more tablets to take alongside those for the ulcer.

She then had a few days where the pain was less, however over the course of last week it built up until over the weekend she was doubled up in pain. On Sunday my twin sister and her husband called in and saw Mum and Dad, my sister asked Mum how she was and she said not good. My sister said that if she didn’t get better she ought to go back to A & E, Mum not being one to make a fuss didn’t want to and laid on the sofa with a hot water bottle.

Twin sister and hubby left and then later in the afternoon, my eldest sister, hubby and 2 kids called in as they were driving past Mum and Dad’s turn-off on the motorway and decided to call and see them as they hadn’t seen them since Boxing Day.

On both occasions when my respective sisters were at Mum and Dad’s, my sister who lives around the corner went past the top of the road and saw their cars but didn’t call in herself.

Fast forward a bit and Mum’s pain has got so bad that Dad has put his foot down and says he’s taking her to hospital, sister and family gather together bits and pieces for Mum and whilst she’s getting her coat on sister around the corner rings. Dad says to her Mum’s really not well and I’m just taking her to hospital, I’ll ring you later. Sister says OK and puts phone down.

Mum, Dad and rest of family are leaving house and locking up so Dad can take Mum to hospital when sister from round the corner appears ‘effing and jeffing at the top of her voice about how all the family are conspiring against her to keep her out of what’s happening with Mum. She stood in front of the car and wouldn’t let Dad unlock it so Mum could get in, shouting at him you’re not my Dad but she’s my Mum and you’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s happening.

My eldest sister was trying to calm things down by saying let them go to hospital and I’ll tell you what’s happening, she was going to pop in at hers anyway to let her know but didn’t get the chance because she came round. But she was just hysterical and irrational. Dad in the end told her to get out of the way as he needed to gt Mum to hospital.

I don’t really know what to do as I wasn’t there but from speaking to my eldest sister she said that she was just nasty to Dad going over again and again about how he’s not her Dad and he’s keeping her from her Mum which is so untrue it beggars belief.

Twin sister has also spoken to her and said she was being ridiculous accusing dad of beating her when she was a kid etc, which is total c**p, my twin sister in the end just said to her that she’s speaking to the wrong person because she won’t find any sympathy with her.

I’ve just spoken to my Dad who is as quiet as a churchmouse, very deep feeling and very thoughtful, and he is absolutely devastated by everything she has said to him, he realises that she was upset about Mum but feels that everything he has done for her over the years basically bringing her up because her Dad did one with my Mum’s best friend 3 days after she was born, has all been destroyed. The most hurtful thing other than her giving it loads about him not being her Dad is that she was goading a reaction from him by calling him his first name rather than Dad, I just find the whole thing so immature.

Has anyone else had similar sorts of problems, Mum feels stuck in the middle but has told Dad that he has nothing to apologise for, but I think she is so weak from being poorly that she can’t really deal with all the fallout from this. She is awaiting a scan tomorrow to establish once and for all what is wrong, so Dad should be concentrating on Mum but instead has all this to deal with,

My sister’s irrational and excessive reactions are making me question whether she is mentally unwell, sorry if that’s not PC but I can’t think of any other way of putting it.

Thanks for reading

Blade26

Any

Didn't want to read and run.

Many familiies have problems and there is always someone who is a drama queen.
I would just leave it and wait what will happen next. I would just point out 2 points from your story:

1/ It was up to your mum to tell your sister she is not feeling well or up to your sister to call in and ask after her health. If your mum did not wish to bother anyone with her pain and said so you/dad/other sisters who just happened to be around would be acting against her wish if they just rung her and spread worry around.

2/ Once your mum was seriously in pain and dad decided to take her to hospital your sister was blocking the car - now seriously?! She cares so much for your/her mother that she leaves her in pain??!!

Obviously we don't know the whole story (accusations of abuse etc??) or her lifestyle (is she bored and has too much time on her hands and watches too much TV or is she born drama queen) but so far I wouldn't act on anything just yet.

whitewing

I think you need to view it that your sister is very badly frightened. Although her actions were very silly, she was obviously terrified, even if it didn't come across like that to you guys. Try to accept that and keep her in the loop.

Her comments wrt your dad were very hurtful, but I think you need to let Dad and her sort that out between them over time. I think she will be tremendously ashamed of herself and sorry.

For now, while you deal with your mum's illness, try to focus on maintaining a loving family around her, and make more allowance than normal for people's quirkiness (I don't mean putting up with bad behaviour; I just mean not over-discussing it within the family).

3_cheeky_princesses

How upsetting for you all. I hope your mum is feeling better now.

Your sister sounds either very controlling or very emotionally upset and may have personal problems in her life which is making her react like this. They say you take it out on the ones you love the most.

I know you are all feeling a bit wary of your sister at the moment but maybe one of you could sit down and see if she needs a chat and if she has any problems in her life. It could be she is depressed, having money troubles, husband / partner troubles etc etc and she has let of steam (wrongly) towards your Dad in this way.

If she does not usually act this way then it could be a cry for help.

Hope you get it sorted as you sound like a close caring family.

Lotus-eater

I had the same problem with a sibling when a parent was incurably ill, not half sibling though.
They went a little mad with grief. I had to be the sane one, take the higher ground and just ignore it, hard though, things were said and me and my OH were both hurt by it. We're (my sibling and me) still not back to normal many years later after my parents death.

Errata

Different people react in different ways to different things.
Concentrate on mum, and sort out whatever needs sorting out after mum has been sorted out. Things may have died down by then anyway, and perhaps the older sister (not one of the twins) could be the best person to have a chat with her younger sister about what's happened.
I wonder why you think your half sister may be mentally unwell ?

belfastgirl23

It does seem like strange behaviour to me and I wouldn't be totally ruling out some kind of breakdown or something. You'll know better than anyone Blade whether she has always been a bit of a drama queen and this isn't too far from normal behaviour or whether it really is totally out of character. if the latter then I do think it might be worth her while seeing her GP. If the former then I guess I'd just ignore it on the basis that it's more important to focus on your mum at the minute.

i hope she gets her diagnosis - I know how worrying it can be when you don't know what's wrong, it will be putting you all under stress.

paddy's_mum

Give your Dad a big hug - it sounds like he needs it and of course, at the moment, everyone's attention is on Mum, so his feelings get put on the back burner.

In your shoes? I'd be worrying more about what further hate-fuelled allegations your sister is going to be hurling. If it is baseless and unprovoked (no offense intended) that cruel outburst suggests not so much a drama queen issue as a lifetime of poisonous well-hidden jealousy and rivalry.

In my view, it takes a lot of hatred and a desire to punish both parents to block the car in as well as be screaming out such damaging accusations of abuse .. in front of your sick mother!

If that was my sister, I'm afraid she'd be getting sent to Coventry until such times as she explains herself to Dad, apologises to all who witnessed it, and absolutely begs the forgiveness of your Mum who was too ill to protest and had to sit there listening to her family unity disintegrate.

Hope it all works out but yes, I'd be spitting mad too :mad:

chesky369

I think the best person to take the heat out of the situation is your eldest half-sister. She has the strongest link to her sister and should be quite capable of pointing out how her behaviour is upsetting your mother and telling her in no uncertain terms that the family won't stand for it. She's also the best person to find out if it's actually that your other half sister is out of her mind with worry - some people just can't deal with this kind of situation and seem to behave badly, when it's just their inadequacy.

Your eldest half sister could also be of great comfort to your father - he'll know that you and your twin are on his side, but I'm sure he would welcome his step daughter being really kind and loving towards him right now, if she felt able.

Blade26

Events have moved on quite considerably since my first post, which has brought the family back together.

Mum was sent home from hospital and was readmitted on Thursday night after she was sick and it was all bloody, she was finally diagnosed with colon cancer and yesterday had an operation to remove part of her colon.

The worry from Friday onwards has been horrendous, but has resulted in everyone pulling together. Mum had actually been to see my Sister on Thursday morning and had told her that the way she spoke to Dad and the way she reacted on Sunday was out of order and she said she would apologise to Dad. She got her chance on Friday morning as Dad walked round to see her and tell her that Mum was back in hospital, so everything has now been forgotten as we are all concentrating on Mum's recovery/treatment etc.

I spent all day at the hospital with Dad and my Sisters yesterday, whilst Mum had her operation, a watched clock never moves quick but thankfully she came through it well, and she only spent last night in High Dependancy and has been moved to a ward.

Off to see her in a mo, positive thoughts....

Blade26

sunshine_shell

sending you positive thoughts!! xx