Struggling with debt SoA here

DVardysShadow

Verbatim wrote: »

... Yes what you have put down is "reasonable". Unfortunately that doesn't change the fact that you're spending more than you earn and that your debt is increasing each month by at least £464. I say at least because unless you have checked all bank statements or receipts or have an accurate spending diary most of us underestimate our spending.

Would your wife rather lose her home, open the door to debt collectors or baliffs, or know the full extent of your debts sooner rather than later?

The sooner you start living within your means the better the chance of a happy ending.

Wise words.

Stackers0908 wrote: »

Thanks all for the replies so far. Not quite what I was expecting tbh (I don't mean a magic wand although that would be nice, but I thought there may be alternative solutions to cutting back). I don't want to appear ungrateful albeit that when you have finished reading this, I imagine you will be thinking that I am looking for excuses and thinking "why should I helkp someone who so clearly doesn't want to help himself?" but at risk of being shot down, I'll proceed.

I think I need to offer a little of the background to my problems.

.....

In addition my plan is to finally sort out my gambling sooner rather than later through GA as I can't go on like this forever, it's far from healthy.

Hope that I covered it all, thanks again
Rob

Look mate, a deficit which is increasing by £464 each month is taking you to a place where it becomes more and more certain you will lose your wife and her support. Please take on board the suggestions here, up date your SoA and come clean with your wife. It is her choice to stay or to leave and basically by carrying on spending money you don't have, you are living a lie to keep her by your side. But I think you are more likely to keep her by telling her the truth - the longer you keep up the lie, the more you will put her through to recover financial stability and the more likely she is to walk away.

If you admit to yourself that she could and maybe should, then you will see it is fairer to her to let her make her choice.

GeorgeUK

Rob, as you'll see from my signature, i'm another of the gamblers on here. I would strongly advise you to take a read of some of the gambling thread as advised. Some of it may help you see how others have dealt with the situation and how they are dealing with both gambling and the debt.

I thought there may be alternative solutions to cutting back

It's possible that there are some alternatives, but they will not make anything like the impact required. Getting out of debt usually requires a lifestyle change, at least in the short term and a different approach to money and spending it.

You've said you've had a few chances but always got into more debt - through the gambling. You need to break free from this cycle or you may lose more than just money - one of the members that posts on the gamblers thread is possibly facing that right now even though he hasn't gambled for over a year.

Which would your wife rather have? The truth about the debt and how you have a plan to tackle both it and the gambling, or finding out when she tries to get a creditcard or loan that she has been refused because your credit rating is dragging hers down? I take it you have some joint debts - mortgage or loan?

You told her that regardless of circumstances you would have a roof over your heads, food on the table and that she wouldn't go without. You lied.

You cannot guarantee any of this and unless things change quickly you could find all of this in jeopardy. Personal sacrifices are not going to cut it. This debt affects the whole family and the solution will need the support of the whole family. It will also take time.

Right now you need to identify what you need rather than what you want. Work out how much the basic bare bones will cost and if you can afford this - then pad that out with all the extra luxuries. Alot of people wouldn't even consider not having a mobile phone, but i'm lucky i've never had one. That is a luxury i would not be able to afford right now.

The grocery bill will need to be cut but you can still have the occasional bottle of wine and treat. You just need to plan out the meals before shopping so that you can take advantage of any offers and not end up buting extras that you donn't need.

Yo have a valid health reason for the gym membership so that's fair enough.

Clothes I thought I was being reasonable on. Neither of us wear designer clothes in fact cheap brands from Tesco most of the time and I figured £600 pa for three people wasn't excessive as includes shoes and trainers too.

I spend about £100pa on clothes/shoes for myself. The rest i get as presents sometimes. Alot of people trying to get out of debt would rather buy from a charity shop than lose their home - have you considered this?

My mortgage has been on interest only for 12 months but reverts back to repatyment next month as that is the longest period they would allow.

Is the amount on the SOA the amount you are currently paying or the amount you will be paying?

In addition my plan is to finally sort out my gambling sooner rather than later through GA as I can't go on like this forever, it's far from healthy.

Oneof the first things you should do is put gamblock on your PC to stop you accessing gambling sites or i believe K9 is a good free program - just get the wife to set the password.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you don't seem to have quite grasped how bad this could become once debt collectors start chasing you, CCJ's get issued and the phonecalls all day every day. They are worse than they used to be as more people are getting into difficulty. If you're not in panic mode, you should be getting darn close.

Take another crack at the SOA to see exactly how YOU will cope with the debt. Remove any income and cards belonging to your wife, but not if they're your debts and split the shared expenses 60:40 as this is about the difference between your salaries. If you don't want this to impact on your wife and daughter's current lifestyle, this should show a clearer picture of what you are facing and why cutting back is the only way you might be able to avoid destroying both your and her credit ratings with defaults etc.

I know we're not painting a pretty picture but the bottom line is that you are spending about £500 more every month than you have. Other than increasing the income you need to cut back on the spending. Have you looked at getting a 2nd job?

andys15

I think the problem that needs addressing is not the SOA, it is still you. In your opening gambit, you say that you wish 125% mortgages were still available and that would solve all of your problems. That is where the problem lies. You have not had what they say on DFW yet as a LBM(light bulb moment). You are still in the thinking of financing debt with debt. I too am a gambler, and I too could have wrote half of your story. (5k lost in one drunken moment on black jack and roulette, inside an hour) (joined gamcare and thought i was cured. No bet for 8 months then 2k lost within 10 minutes on blackjack). Every time I was placing the bets, I was always considering what I could do to service the loss, (as i was making the 2k loss, I had the natwest loan page opened on another page, working out the monthly repayments I would need to cover the credit card hit, crazy.) Although I still consider myself a gambler, I have got self imposed life time bans with all the major players. My thoughts are no longer, how can I get more debt to repay debt, but how do I repay the debt. Unfortunately the only way you can possibly do this, is to get your wifes support. In effect you both need a LBM(although I appreciate this is not her doing), she is your wife and she needs to cut down on the wine, reduce the groceries, really cut back on everything, because you cannot do this alone. On promises of how you will get help, and the life you will have once this debt is reduced, hopefully she will help. I have finallly got my wifes help, we budget properly and we make big sacrafices(with rewards), but when she wouldnt help in the beginning, no mater how much I tried to save I couldn't make a dent in the groceries etc.

DigitalJedi

I don't normally post in this section but read this today and I have to say that I agree with a lot of what Andys15 is saying.

You have a big problem, namely an overspend of £500 a month.

You post on this board asking for help then have pretty much poo-poo'ed every suggestion made. You are still trying to maintain the same standard of living that you could afford had you no debts. That isn't going to work! The debts are there. So no, the odd bottle of wine isn't unreasonable. Neither is spending £50 on a gym............but you cannot afford these luxuries anymore!!!

Something has to change. And that change will involve painful choices. Sacrifices, going without. No your understanding wife won't like it but to not make those tough choices is simply delaying the inevitable.

So things like life cover, "other insurance", £100 a month on holidays, £100 on entertainment. They will all have to take a hit if not completely wiped. Saving the odd few quid here and there isn't really going to cut it.

My dad lost his family (us) through his gambling. He was always looking for the quick fix, the easy way out. This included borrowing money from loan sharks so he could "win" back the money he lost. Of course he never did.

I really hope you have the light bulb moment. Right now you still have your family but I dare say you are on thin ice. Step back and make those tough choices before you lose your wife and daughter.

mummytofour

I dont want to appear mean but if you cut back on the wine some of the weight would go too. Trust me, I know! It would also save you money :-)

RecoveringAlcoholic

mummytofour wrote: »

I dont want to appear mean but if you cut back on the wine some of the weight would go too. Trust me, I know! It would also save you money :-)

You don't have £100 a month to spend on alcohol.

The giving up/cutting down thread can be found here:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1952891


.

milliemonster

Some great advice here, I just hope you come back and take some of it on board.

Regarding the gym, although you say you have a lot of weight to lose, again you can do this without the cost of a gym, start walking and as you get fitter, start running, its cheap and you can do it whereever and whenever you like and it's the best form of exercise to lose weight, trust me, it will save you a fortune in gym fees

IWantToBeFree_2

In respect of losing weight, I would take a look at your diet before looking at exercise, the wine will probably counter any good you are doing in the pool.

I have lost 3 stone, and I have done it through changing my diet rather and have not stepped foot inside a gym, so it can be done.

beanielou

I dont think you are taking on board how serious this is.
Within a few months you could be homeless.
You need to cut out £100 pm on wine, £100 pm on entertaiment,£100 pm on holidays & £100 pm on presents at the very very least.
You cannot afford it.
If you dont do this you will be bankrupt & homeless.
Is that what you really want?

DVardysShadow

beanielou wrote: »

I dont think you are taking on board how serious this is.
Within a few months you could be homeless.
You need to cut out £100 pm on wine, £100 pm on entertaiment,£100 pm on holidays & £100 pm on presents at the very very least.
You cannot afford it.
If you dont do this you will be bankrupt & homeless.
Is that what you really want?

An that still leaves £64/month for break even.

And there is still paying the money back