Cancer sufferer help please

frannyscho

Hello and sorry to hear you are going through the toughest bit. I had cancer and am in remission now so keep your hope up even when things look gloomy. Chemotherapy should put you on automatic benefit claim with no dispute, as does radiotherapy. At least it did when I had it.

Just some other snippets for you and your wife. One of the very best things I found was a telephone service called cancerbackup. I don't know if it is still there, but it is manned by people who know what they are talking about re any treatment questions etc. The other thing is to eat close to the earth, as in everything as raw or as near to untreated as possible. The poor body is dealing with so much that you don't want any processed stuff going on top to make it work any harder. If you think of chemo morphing as a bad whisky hangover, turning into a red wine one and then a beer one, then you know what sort of thing to help out with. I found accupuncture really helpful on the day after a chemo session, but using the child electrical needles that don't puncture the skin for germ reasons. This really got the eyes back opposite the holes. I really hope this helps.

Good luck and stay strong. It's actually harder for you to go through than her. You need the hugs too.

Errata

This really got the eyes back opposite the holes.

That's a great phrase, put a smile on my face.

Cancerbackup merged with Macmillan a couple of years ago, it's a terrific organisation. Here's the link -

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Cancerinformation.aspx

niecsey

So sorry you both are in this position x My mam died 4 weeks ago today she too had been treated for breast cancer which we thought had gone... rewind 5 weeks stomach pain doc thought it was an ulcer caused by all her meds... turns out it had spread to liver and bones, she died 2 days later noone expetced things to happen so fast the day before she died a mcmillan nurse came to see her to sort things out of course with her dying it never happened. I hope your wife gets better l really do l can understand how you feel hearing the news and wish you both the best. I would ask the hospital why you havnt been put in touch with a macmillan nurse maybe some hospitals are different? Good luck to you both your in my thoughts x

FabSascha

So sorry to hear what you're going through. Cancer is so traumatic for everyone involved. I can't really offer any advice regarding your benefit entitlement, however I would like to mention that my mum was diagnosed with stage 3 Ovarian cancer. She was told she had less than 6 months to live and this was almost 15 YEARS ago. I really do believe that her positive thinking and determination to not let the Cancer win was mainly what pulled her through, so please mention this to your wife as it's so important to remain positive.

Also, when applying for DLA and answering their questions, I would suggest recalling the absolute worst day that your wife has had and using those answers to reply. Just to be on the safe side and ensure you end up on the correct rate. It's very easy to generalise and say 'most of the time she's fine' but then if another bad day comes you want to make sure you're financially covered for it.

I'm wondering if it might be beneficial for your wife to speak to my mum? Let me know if you think that's a good idea as I'll happily PM you the details. They could e-mail each other or speak on the phone; might be nice to have a positive 'role model' as such, for your wife.

Stay strong and positive x

krisskross

FabSascha wrote: »

. I really do believe that her positive thinking and determination to not let the Cancer win was mainly what pulled her through, so please mention this to your wife as it's so important to remain positive.

As a nurse with a higher diploma in palliative care I found that a lot of my patients thought they hadn't fought hard enough, remained positive enough and thus somehow it was their own fault that they had reached the stage of palliative care.

Why is it only cancer that has this 'fight and you will beat it' aspect? Why have cancer patients somehow failed if their disease is not cured?

FabSascha

I can assure you that I wasn't suggesting that people who die from cancer don't fight hard enough. The point I was making was that it's very easy to get consumed with the depression that naturally comes with having cancer which can't benefit the person suffering at all. Staying strong and positive can only help. I'm not saying it will cure everyone's cancer, just that it really made a difference to my mum.

FabSascha

krisskross wrote: »

As a nurse with a higher diploma in palliative care I found that a lot of my patients thought they hadn't fought hard enough, remained positive enough and thus somehow it was their own fault that they had reached the stage of palliative care.

Why is it only cancer that has this 'fight and you will beat it' aspect? Why have cancer patients somehow failed if their disease is not cured?

Also, I don't think it's just Cancer that approach applies to, I think it's most things.

krisskross

FabSascha wrote: »

I can assure you that I wasn't suggesting that people who die from cancer don't fight hard enough. The point I was making was that it's very easy to get consumed with the depression that naturally comes with having cancer which can't benefit the person suffering at all. Staying strong and positive can only help. I'm not saying it will cure everyone's cancer, just that it really made a difference to my mum.

The natural depression is only added to if people think they haven't tried hard enough to get better and see the disappointment from their family at what the patient often sees as their own failure.

Errata

krisskross wrote: »

The natural depression is only added to if people think they haven't tried hard enough to get better and see the disappointment from their family at what the patient often sees as their own failure.

If people with cancer are expected to stay strong and positive they may feel that they must not express their anger and negativity about their situation. Not a healthy situation.

Having experienced two different types of cancer and everything ok now, anyone who had hinted that I should be strong and positive about it would have been given a large earful.

FabSascha

Well we're all entitled to our opinion

I just wanted to share what I know helped my mum get through it, however I realise that we all have our own way of dealing with things.