Should I consolidate Daughter's debts?

ms_london

I dont think you should do it. What happens if something happened to you & you couldnt pay it? Your daughter has her age on her side - and I do think that if she doesnt deal with it herself she will never learn.

My parents didnt help me out when I was in debt (not that they could have afforded to anyway) and it was definately for the best as I had to pick myself up and sort myself out - now its ME bossing THEM about money & their finances :rolleyes: !!

As others have said, point her towards this forum!!

xx

Mirtos

Hi Jane.
After I finished uni at 22, I had around £15k of debt (not counting my student loan) and earnt virtually nothing as I was going on to do an MA. My parents, wonderful people that they are, remortgaged to pay it off, so that I could go on to postgraduate study without all that hanging over my head. Two years on, and look at my signature :eek: I'm in a worse state than ever before, but I know it's my fault and in the past month, since my 'lightbulb moment' I've already paid back over £1000.My point is, that my parents helping me out only staved off my realisation that I couldn't go on spending the way I did. It actually made the underlying causes of debt worse because it felt like a get out of jail free card. Bless my dad, he is so worried about my debt that he has offered to try and help out again, but I'm not going to let him - I'd be so ashamed of myself. I got myself into this, and I 'm going to get myself out, and when I do I'll be so proud. I only earn £15k (in London), but I've got a second temping job and am selling stuff like mad on amazon and ebay which pushes my gross income up to around £22k. Through this site, I have learned so much more about how to budget and be financially savvy.I know how tempting it is to 'wave a magic wand' for your daughter, but if I could, I'd go back in time and stop my parents doing it for me - Both they and I would be financially and emotionally better off now.If your daughter asks you to help her out, show her this - heck, pm me and I'll talk to her in person to let her know she's not alone. But she HAS to do it herself and learn from her mistakes in order to avoid repeating them.

yeslek

if you want her to consolidate - and it works for some people - get it all in her name.

that way if she keeps messing up she will have to learn the hard way - and believe she will learn

rchddap1

Do not pay off her debt for her. If she is going to learn about budgeting and spending money wisely then she has to get herself out of debt. Be there by all means to lend an ear and give information, but don't give cash, and don't get into debt yourself.

She may start with good intentions, but as shown above these good intentions can change. Eg, "I'll just get the one card, mum won't mind"....which quickly turns into another £15k of debt.

She's got herself into it, and she has to get herself out. Encourage her to come onto the boards and post a Statement of Affairs, so that people can make suggestions to her directly.

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear....but doing what you propose will not help her in the long run.

Tr@cker

Moneycrisis, how did you stop the gambling ? Its a devil of a job.

kuohu

I don't have anything additional to add, but just another voice of support for what everyone else has been saying: No you should not bail her out by taking out a loan yourself. By all means offer her advice and support (which of course you will anyway) but she should tackle the debt herself.

As others have said, send her on here!

James240

Totally agree with what everone has said on here u shouldnt bail her out, you can offer her advice and a shoulder to cry on but if you pay this off for her and she ends up in a similar situation you will end up paying off the original debt urself sorry if this seems harsh but its the only way to learn. Believe me ive learnt a hell of a lot after starting to make myself more accountable for my money...:)

jane528

Thanks everyone, I know you're right it's just so hard not helping your kids, when your instinct is to try to make everything o.k for them!
I keep telling her to look at this site, she hasn't done but now I'm going to sit down with her and show her these replies, help her set up a budget and monitor it regularly with her.
Good luck to everyone.

moneycrisis

well done jane sometimes you have to feel that you are being cruel to be kind. Your doing the right thing. You won't be there to help forever.

Tr@cker the way i stopped gambling is just not going anywhere where i can be tempted. I think its all or nothing and for me now its nothing. I couldn't trust myself to have fiver here or a tenner there so now i just stay away. No bookies no casinos no dog tracks....i could go on...lol. There somes a point when you realise its a mugs game and your never gonna win back the money that you have lost. One bet i will make the only way out of gambling debts is to give up and work your way out of it.

Untill this point u'll keep going. Good luck.

lazy&indebt

Totally agree with everyone. At 21 she needs to learn to be independant. If someone has a problem and constantly relies on someone else to help them, they never learn and when suddenly that person isn't there to help them they are stuck.
My dad offered me £3k in January of this year to clear my card and I point blank refused. It is my debt, I ran it up so i have got to pay it off.