Does this make ANY sense? I've confused myself totally...

lady_fuschia

Firstly just wanted to say how pleased I am to have discovered this forum. I've had some really good advice and tips, and its really encouraging to watch how well people are doing.

Afraid I'm going to have to ask for some more advice- I'm really struggling getting my head around balancing a budget for 2 of us whilst paying off debts we aquired independently before moving in together.

This is the story at the moment:

From my account I pay (per month):
£65 electricity
£11 TV
£25 phone/net
£110 toward my debts
£200 toward holiday in August (already booked pre LBM- I'll be putting this amount into debt repayment when we get back!)
£250 towards rent (which is £550 pcm in total)


From his account he pays:
£25 per month water
£25 per week council tax

OH then gives me £140 a week towards the other expenses and towards his debts (he wants to pay a bulk amount at the end of next month and doesn't trust himself not to spend in meantime!)We don't really have a system for food shopping, it depends what's left over after pay day really, although we've set up a Clubcard plus account which should become active soon to try and get more control of this.

Problem is its getting very confusing. We both earn around the same (though OH wages vary week to week) I constantly feel like I'm paying the bulk, yet when I add up the figures it comes out that he's actually paying more. I suppose it shouldn't matter, but I don't want to be freeloading here.

I was just wondering really, if this seems like the best way to deal with joint finances. I'm loathe to get a joint account as his credit rating is appalling, whereas mine is fairly OK. It just seems to be really confusing finding a fair way to deal with all the expenses and get all the sums to add up- especially when, to confuse matters, I'm paid monthly and he's paid weekly.

Does anyone have any idea how I can get a handle on this- I feel like I'm swimming around in the dark and neither of us will ever get debt free at this rate!

Sorry for the waffle- thanks for listening

Imelda

hi lady_fuschia,

When you say you don't have a system for food shopping does that mean whoever goes to the shops buys the food? It may mean that you're buying the bulk of this, have you tried a spending diary? How about rather than working out how much you each put in, why don't you decide how much each of you take out of your pay? I don't have joint finances yet but the OH and I have spoken about it and we decided that we would put all of our money in for bills and saving and then pay ourselves back a certain amount of spending money. If your OH seems to have more money than you, can you be sure that he isn't using credit cards? (don't mean to be horrible but you do see it a lot on here where partners are oblivious to their OH's debt).

lynzpower

You dont neccesarily have to have a joint account, I dont. I have a bog standard smile account, which OH pays his moneyinto then whatever needs to comes out of that, although we manage our own debts seperately out of our current account ( works for us)

We also buy our food seperately, ie I buy for 2 weeks a month, he buys the next 2, but witha set fixed budget of 25 or less. Less means we have more money for ourselves to do what we want with. ( eg, payoff the CC, buy a little treat off ebay etc)

Im looking at this, am i right in thinking you guys dont live together at the moment? But you are goin on holiday together, are you?

Im confused a bit as well, as it looks rather unequal and not in your favour.

wishingonastar_3

i think you need to set an amount for food, then take half from you and half from your other half for this (say £40 a week, you each put £20 in). if there is left over put it in a pot to save up so one week you will have a free weeks shopping, or adjust the amount as need be.
Also do you menu plan, do a shopping list to keep these costs down?

hth

woas.

jen_jen_2

you need to do a "household" budget excluding the debts so all the expenses for maintaining everyday living costs, gas, electric, food and then half it so each of you pay half

then add on the individual debt payments.

personally i have a joint account for household bills etc and each of us have our own personal account. if you dont want a joint account have one in your name that he pays half into (as suggested above) dont try and run your joint expenses from your account - way too confusing.

lady_fuschia

Hi people,
Thanks for getting back so quick- I really needed an objective eye on this cos all I can see is numbers floating in front of my eyes!
Anyway:
The shopping "system" is more a case of when we run out of stuff to eat, whoever has the free time goes to Tesco or Lidl and buys in what we need with whatever money is available at the time- sometimes I give him money, sometimes he gives me money. We do have a regular £10 veg spend every week at the Saturday Market, normally covered by OH. Like I say we're setting up a Tesco account with a dd to try and get more control of this.
We did discuss the idea of paying all his money into my account and paying out "pocket money" but I don't want to be the "controlling missus" figure who says what he can and can't spend! I am pretty sure he's not using credit cards- I trust him that much!
We do live together- have done for 10 months, hence why I'm still getting the hang of joint finances!
Like that weeks each shopping idea- will definetly talk about that. I menu plan to a certain extent, but because of OH's erratic hours it can be difficult. To be honest I'm not that worried about the amount we spend on shopping (keep receipts, its usually £60-80 a month)just about the fairness of the situation and whether we're making the most of the money we have.
Its just hurting my brain at the moment!

mintymoneysaver

Why don't you work out a 'bill' account budget, to include all bills, food , petrol, and any other things you might need.Split this bill in half ( or pro rata) and then each pay it into a joint account.It's worked for us for 20 years!
We then allow ourselves some pocket money ( £250 each )to pay personal debts, lunches at work, clothes, football etc.Anything left at the end of that goes into a joint savings/joint debt account which pays for holidays, car bills, stuff for the children etc.

lady_fuschia

£250 pocket money? Wow- I wish!

I think a lot of this is confusing because of OH weekly paydays and my monthly ones.

Anyway: I'm just about to go and discuss some of these ideas with him, because obviously somehow the figures aren't adding up.

It does get really difficult trying to manage someone else. YOu came up with a plan, then something comes up and he says "Can I just give you such and such this week and make the rest up next week?" or another bill for something comes from nowhere, or somebody invites us to a wedding.

Our last major argument happened when we went to his friends wedding a few months back. He'd given me control of his bank account, and I put the normal amount aside for rent etc, and took the leftover (£50) with us for drinks etc. When we got there and I presented him with the money he was horrified, saying that it was a special occasion and I should have put the whole of that weeks money toward the wedding and made it up over the next few weeks. Ended up taking another £50 out of my overdraft to smooth things over. He took control back after that because it only causes arguments when I try to "budget" him.
That story makes him sound really awful- I promise he's not a complete hopeless case, he does understand why I try to cut back, and that's a particularly extreme example. Just wanted to let you know what I'm dealing with here.

Sorry about this- I sound like a right moaner. Thanks for taking the time to help!

jen_jen_2

there is no reason why he cant put his in weekly and you monthly. make sure you budget over the year for the going out and events if you plan to do this jointly. if i go out with OH then we take our own money and the joint money is for all household related things.

part of planning a budget is making sure that you account for most eventualities, have a joint savings pot from the joint budget too, then when there are special occasions, breakdowns you have already built the buffer zone and dont have to make it up in the next few months

Be prepared!

lady_fuschia

jen-jen: I know you're right! That's why I've factored our spending money into the holiday saving, hopefully we don't end up in that situation again.

Anyway. Off to have my conversation.

Wish me luck!

Imelda

Good luck lady_fuschia, let us know what you decide, I maybe budgetting for 2 in the next year or so...