Disagree with social services?

vikki_louise

Hello, my nan is 85 and she hasn't been diagnosed yet but we are sure she has dementure which has gone down hill lately.

She lives alone in a 3 bed house (upstairs toilet) and has just "given up", she stopped eating unless you placed it infront of her (my mum even cooked meals and put them on plates with written instructions on how to use the microwave, and 2 weeks later not a single thing has been touched. if you cook for her though and put it infront of her she will eat it). She started going to the toilet in her kitchen bin as she said she couldn't get up the stairs (although she can when she wants to) and her already bad personal hygine is enough to make you gag, its no wonder she keeps getting stomach bugs. She panics and rings 999 quite a lot and rings my dad complaining about alments often several times a day often panicing. She won't leave the house but did come here for Christmas and she spends most of her time just sitting on the sofa, not even having the tv on like she used to.

Social services got involved after she was taken to hospital again and she now has carers going in to cook, they are meant to make her wash but often she insists she has and changes her cloths but the smell says otherwise, they also make her take medication (generally antibiotics for another UTI (which sends her loopy until they kick in)). When she arrived here at christmas there was poo all over her dressing gown. She wet herself and decided instead of getting changed to sit on a plastic bag, dad realised and sent her upstairs to wash, she went into the bathroom for a while before coming back down, sitting at the table and having dinner. It wasn't unil mum asked for her clothes to put them through the washing machine we realised she hadn't washed or changed and was still in wet clothes. One day she had an upset stomach and got it everywhere both in the bathroom, landing and her room, she had it all over herself but it didnt occour to her to wash (either wash or use the wetwipes we gave her) which I think shows that her memory/brain isn't functioning properly. A social worker went to her when she was at home, she had a normal conversation, recalled things, and then when she had to pay someone she just couldn't work out how to do it.

Anyway, the reason I'm posting is we all feel she needs to go into a home where there are people around her making sure she is ok, seeing other people her own age rather than being so isolated, doing her washing (it needs doing more than once every 2 weeks when my parents visit), make sure her personal hygine is ok etc. we also want to move her to our area so we can visit more often (she lives over 1 1/2 away and im disabled so my parents struggle to fit both of our needs in), she doesnt have any friends in her area so there is no reason to stay.

How ever (there is always a how ever) he had a phone meeting with her current social worker (it keeps changing), they want to move her into sheltered housing 10 minutes down the road from where she is with carers visiting.

We aren't happy with this as i don't see what a warden can do for her, she isn't coping in her current set up, and a warden popping in once a day isn't goingto change that. Even if she does better in a new place we feel she is going downhill quite quickly and its going to be hard for her to move from the house she has been in for over 50 years, she isn't going to want to move again once she is settled into a new place. They seem adamant though.

Has anyone else had this problem? Did you have to really fight to get your relative into what you feel is the right care settings? Do you have any advice?

Sorry for hte super long post!

Edited as I have another question, we want to move her to our area but its about £200 more per a week than her area pays, we know she will have to pay at the start as she has some savings but what happens past that? My parent's can't afford to pay the extra £200 per a week for the rest of her life, and her savings will only go so far?

margaretclare

Hello vikki

Your nan needs a proper diagnosis and assessment. You say you think she has dementia but hasn't been diagnosed yet. She does need to be diagnosed.

Regarding sheltered accommodation with a warden, from what you write this will no way fit the bill. A warden isn't there to do all the things that your nan needs doing for her. Nor are carers coming in and out because they cannot do anything that she doesn't agree to.

Living in a 3-bedroom house with upstairs loo is obviously unsuitable, but why didn't she/you/somebody think of this years ago? It's something I feel very strongly about, from what I've seen and heard around me, that we should all think seriously about where we're going to live when and if e.g. stairs, bathroom etc all become a problem. She is well past the stage now when moving to more convenient housing is going to help her.

Others will come along and give more practical advice and help. I can see your problem, but others as well as SS need to be involved - her GP should be the first stop.

With best wishes

Savvy_Sue

margaretclare wrote: »

Living in a 3-bedroom house with upstairs loo is obviously unsuitable, but why didn't she/you/somebody think of this years ago? It's something I feel very strongly about, from what I've seen and heard around me, that we should all think seriously about where we're going to live when and if e.g. stairs, bathroom etc all become a problem. She is well past the stage now when moving to more convenient housing is going to help her.

I agree with you mc, but I think I've mentioned before that my parents downsized to a house with 5 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, downstairs loo, kitchen/diner, dining room, lounge and study, but NO sane way of getting in and out with mobility problems. To be fair, the plan when they'd upsized had been to have my granddad live with them, but none of us were surprised when this didn't quite work, and they did move near one of my siblings.

There were times when they seemed to expect this sibling to drop everything and call in with shopping, give lifts etc, and when my sister reminded him that she'd told them at the time of the move that if they lived THAT side of town it wouldn't be possible for her to do this, Dad's response was "Well we didn't know we were going to get ill, did we?"

They were only in their 70s when they moved, and neither of them completely 'in the pink', so I'm not quite sure what they did expect!

Anyway, Dad's now died, and Mum is rattling around this house on her own, and we all know there's no point even suggesting a move, because Dad was keen to consider it and she wouldn't. They looked at some warden flats, but the kitchens weren't big enough for Mum. I honestly can't remember the last time she cooked a meal for more than 2 in that kitchen: when I go with my boys we get fish and chips in or go out, she goes to the day center for lunch at least 4 days per week. I just don't get it.

Whereas I looked at our current house, and thought "Nice wide staircase, get a stair lift in no problem, wide and low stairs so easy to manage before I need a stair lift, super wide doorways for a wheelchair, level access at the back door, only one step at the front with room for a ramp, gosh I'll be set for life here!" I was in my 40s at the time ... :rotfl:

And if we have to move - as I think we will - a major consideration will be how future-proof our new home is.

My slightly rambling point is that even if it has been blindingly obvious to the family for years that this accommodation isn't suitable long term, unless nan was willing to consider a move then what's to be done?

margaretclare

No, I agree with you, Savvy_Sue, no one can be forced to move to somewhere more manageable unless they want to and can see the point of it. I am always thankful that my first husband and I moved to this 1930s 2-bedroom bungalow in 1990 (from a 3-storey weaver's cottage in the Pennines) even though he only lived another 18 months to enjoy it and even though it has needed a lot of work done over subsequent years. I understand what you mean about your parents moving to a bigger house and how crazy that now seems. With the benefit of hindsight even moving to that weaver's cottage in 1973 was crazy and if I could go back in time I would put my foot down and say 'no way'.

'The kitchens weren't big enough for Mum'...actually, there may be sense in that, if she wants space in which to sit down. I knew a woman who had a knee replacement and was advised to have a 'perching stool' in her kitchen so that she didn't have to stand - there was no space for one! And we like to eat in our kitchen/diner. I've been in some modern houses where there appears to be nowhere to eat, no space for a table, and it is assumed that everyone eats off their lap in front of the TV.

Sorry, vikki, got a bit off the point. Your nan was in hospital - wasn't a diagnosis made while she was there? You said stomach bugs. Several wards in our local hospital have been closed recently due to the 'winter virus' causing diarrhoea and vomiting - this virus is highly infectious but can be controlled by good hygiene e.g. washing hands thoroughly after going to the loo. Sloughflint is absolutely correct about the effects of UTI and/or 'stomach bug' which also result in dehydration, another complication which can cause confusion.

carolt2

Hi Vicki, I have just tried to send you a PM, but your inbox is full.

How are things? You got any further with social services?

Me and OH have had experiences similar to yours with Social services when his mum became ill.
She was in sheltered housing and having similar problems that your nan has.
We have now got her into a care home (we had to find somewhere for her that catered for her needs.
She was not diagnosed with dementia at first as she had other mental health issues. But a recent chain of events has given the diagnosis of dementia.SS sorted it all out eventually . Please PM or reply here if you need any advice.