Emergency Contact Details Agreement

Bexster

Sorry another one from me. Along with agreeing to complete a medical questionnaire (after threatening legal action but not actually having to undertake it) my sons biological father also agreed in a letter (from his solicitor) to provide us with contact details for him if we were ever need to contact him in an emergency. I have had no contact with him whatsoever since I was first pregnant so I dont expect to contact him but feel my son has the right to be able to should he need to (he is 4 so its not likely at present).

Although he has agreed to this I am not really sure how to firm the agreement up. If he did move and didnt tell us what recourse would we have anyway? He pays money directly to me after a CSA calculation and DNA test etc. But what I want to be sure of is that if he does move etc that he has informed us so if we ever did need to contact him we could.I am due to write to him through his solicitor and would like to have some sort of agreement for him to sign along with the medical questionnaire. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks

DUTR

Does he have parental rights?
I know folk will probably come along and shoot me down, but all these little unnecessaries start to be come necessary.
I don't know what to say I know what I would from my own perspective, but is the father not revealing or giving this information or not agreeing?
Difficult one.

Loopy_Girl

I would say the simple answer is that you can't. We live in a free society (thankfully) which means he has no legal obligation to tell you his whereabouts. Same with your other thread. No one can be forced to give over medical information if they don't want to. As you have such specific questions for the medical, I would suggest drafting one up yourself.

He is legally paying his dues (i.e child support) and you cannot force him to be a father or even tell you how the rest of his life pans out.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but that is the reality I'm afraid. I do empathise as my daughter when she was 2 years old was in ITU with a condition which she had inherited from her father and I had no information to give to the hospital - you will find that they will be very understanding and that info is not needed. Your son will still get any appropriate treatment - you wouldn't be able to access any info if he had passed away for example. And how would you know that the info he gave you was correct?

I agree that your son has the right to see his father should he decide to but there would be plenty ways to trace your ex should the time come. I'm no lawyer but I would be willing to bet the agreement wouldn't be worth the paper it's written on.

Bexster

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

I would say the simple answer is that you can't. We live in a free society (thankfully) which means he has no legal obligation to tell you his whereabouts. Same with your other thread. No one can be forced to give over medical information if they don't want to. As you have such specific questions for the medical, I would suggest drafting one up yourself.

He is legally paying his dues (i.e child support) and you cannot force him to be a father or even tell you how the rest of his life pans out.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but that is the reality I'm afraid. I do empathise as my daughter when she was 2 years old was in ITU with a condition which she had inherited from her father and I had no information to give to the hospital - you will find that they will be very understanding and that info is not needed. Your son will still get any appropriate treatment - you wouldn't be able to access any info if he had passed away for example. And how would you know that the info he gave you was correct?

I agree that your son has the right to see his father should he decide to but there would be plenty ways to trace your ex should the time come. I'm no lawyer but I would be willing to bet the agreement wouldn't be worth the paper it's written on.

This was our fear really - although he has agreed to provide the info we have no way of knowing if it is true and no recourse if it isnt! Ive drafted a questionnaire myself and also will draft an agreement for him to inform us when he moves and I have his solicitors letter saying he agrees to this but over and above that we rely on his goodwill - which has not been forthcoming so far hence the reason for us doing this.

You are completely correct that I cant force him to be a father I have found that out to my sadness over the last 4 years. However I think I would feel I would let myself and my son down if I didnt at least attempt to make contact achievable if desired.

Bexster

DUTR wrote: »

Does he have parental rights?
I know folk will probably come along and shoot me down, but all these little unnecessaries start to be come necessary.
I don't know what to say I know what I would from my own perspective, but is the father not revealing or giving this information or not agreeing?
Difficult one.

No he has no parental rights and nor does he want any. He is not on birth certificate and would have refused to be but when CSA was involved demanded a DNA test which of course was positive. He has agreed finally to give the info but as loopy girl says I have no way of knowing if the info is correct and it probably wont be worth the paper its written on!

DUTR

Bexster wrote: »

No he has no parental rights and nor does he want any. He is not on birth certificate and would have refused to be but when CSA was involved demanded a DNA test which of course was positive. He has agreed finally to give the info but as loopy girl says I have no way of knowing if the info is correct and it probably wont be worth the paper its written on!

Yes I read LG's reply and although I sort of recognised the episode I didn't realise it were you that posted a similar request earlier, this not having parental rights and not on the BC and stuff is what I was reffering to, I know I wouldn't give out the info if I was in the situation of your ex, but I am not he. This single parent thing is not all it's cracked up to be if folk just cherry pick the bits that they benefit most from.
Since he does not have parental rights in effect he does not have to give the details in case of emergency , as he has similar rights as a stranger other than he has to pay child support

Loopy_Girl

Bexster wrote: »

This was our fear really - although he has agreed to provide the info we have no way of knowing if it is true and no recourse if it isnt! Ive drafted a questionnaire myself and also will draft an agreement for him to inform us when he moves and I have his solicitors letter saying he agrees to this but over and above that we rely on his goodwill - which has not been forthcoming so far hence the reason for us doing this.

You are completely correct that I cant force him to be a father I have found that out to my sadness over the last 4 years. However I think I would feel I would let myself and my son down if I didnt at least attempt to make contact achievable if desired.

I empathise, I really do as I am in the same situ except my daughter is 8 and I receive no CS.

Your son is only 4. If there was any contact to be initiated then I would assume it would be when he is alot older - that is when you can do the tracing to make the contact acheivable (if the Father wants it) and you are not letting anyone down.

Lets be honest, from what you have said he has absolutely no desire to be a Father figure to your son at all - sad and hurtful I know - but it appears to be the truth. He is paying for his son which I assume (in his head) absolves him of any guilt or whatever (if he has any) for not being a Father.

You can't really expect a person to tell you of their address for the next 10-12 years whatever on the off chance that your son might want contact. If he wanted you to have this information then he would have offered it I would assume and not have to have it shoe horned out of him.

Personally (and this is my personal opinion from someone in the same situation), is grieve for the lost relationship between your ex and child and then move on and get on with doing a fab job of bringing your son up. There may be a time that your ex will have your son standing in front of him and asking awkward questions - that's the time that you are not letting anyone down and you can be fully supportive to your son. And there's nothing to say he WILL want contact (your son I mean), he amy just think "sod it, my Mum brought me up for all these years, why should I contact him?"

As I say, that's just my opinion but I think you will have a job trying to kep tabs on him and your son is only 4 - there's a long road of questions to come and you answer as honestly as you can and if your son asks to see his Father then that's when you can try and trace him.

Loopy_Girl

Also I forgot to say. If you have a DNA test proving paternity then you can get another birth certificate with your son's Father name on it - whether he agrees to it or not.

You ask your lawyer to send him a 'Declaration of Parentage' form which, if he refuses to sign, you (or your lawyer) can go to court and the courts will grant it. All the info gets sent to the Registration of Births and then they send you a letter inviting you to re-register.

Beware though that if you done this, as your son was born after March 2003, then this would give your ex full PPR (Parental Rights and Responsibilitys).

Something to consider if you don't want your son looking at a line through a space where his Father's name should be.

Mojisola

You don't need his home address in order to keep in contact. Would it be easier to get him to agree to have letters sent via his solicitor or a family member?

Bexster

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Also I forgot to say. If you have a DNA test proving paternity then you can get another birth certificate with your son's Father name on it - whether he agrees to it or not.

You ask your lawyer to send him a 'Declaration of Parentage' form which, if he refuses to sign, you (or your lawyer) can go to court and the courts will grant it. All the info gets sent to the Registration of Births and then they send you a letter inviting you to re-register.

Beware though that if you done this, as your son was born after March 2003, then this would give your ex full PPR (Parental Rights and Responsibilitys).

Something to consider if you don't want your son looking at a line through a space where his Father's name should be.

Thats good to know thank you I didnt know that and it is really interesting. There is always the fear that PPR could go against you but as he is so adamant in not wanting to be involved in his life i dont think I would have to worry. I remember the registrar saying to me that we had it the best way round with the DNA test to prove parentage and enable CS but that he would not have any rights over him.

I am adopted myself and have recently found two half siblings who it has been a total joy to meet and I now couldnt imagine them not being in my life.I guess it has just made me a little more aware of the long term ramifications of it all and that decisions made about things now can be very far reaching. thanks for your help I really appreciate it.

Bexster

Mojisola wrote: »

You don't need his home address in order to keep in contact. Would it be easier to get him to agree to have letters sent via his solicitor or a family member?

Thanks Mojisola he has communicated through a solicitor and agreed to provide the info so there is some hope, he probably feels less threatened with an intermediary involved. :-)