Help for MIL

maggiem

Hi folks,
Hoping to tap into other's brilliant ideas. Warning longish post!

My MIL has recently been moved by us to a home - for a 'holiday' for a while. She has vascular dementia and although her long term memory is ok her short term memory is dreadful. She lived a long way from us and we were getting very distressing phone calls every evening where we could not work out what has happening - e.g. strange men in the house taking things and notes being left by people (written by her). She was also getting very upset - losing words so talking about bus tickets meaning money and how could she use this foreign money (£20 notes) then not being able to understand any suggestions. We dashed up and down but eventually were left feeling she was unsafe and decided to move her to a home near to us. She has deteriorated very quickly mentally over the last 6 months; we don't think she has been eating or taking medication properly either. Fortunately just before she deteriorated badly she agreed to give my OH Power of Attorney so we can sort some things out for her. She has savings (in accounts with dreadful interest rates) and is self funding in the home at present.

So far we have:
1. Prepared an application for DLA
2. Visited banks, building societies etc to register POA

We need to think about her house although that is a long term thing and not important at present.

Unfortunately she is not very happy in the home - although this varies some days ok and others less so. :rolleyes: She was there 2 weeks and then came to us for Christmas (already arranged) and has now returned. In additon to the vascular dementia she has macular degeneration and her eyesight is very poor. One of the problems is that she says she is bored. However she tends to tell us what used to happen rather than what is happening at present e.g. she wanted to 'help' over Christmas and said she would peel the potatoes but she could not remember how to use a vegetable peeler. She struggles to see a TV and also to follow a story/plotline. She does listen to the radio. She can read a little if the print is very dark and large - but now forgets the the story and who the characters are.

Does anyone have any bright ideas about something she could do? I am going to try knitting (I can't knit at all but she used to and I am hoping muscle memory will let her do that) but would be very grateful if anyone can think of anything else.

We are also wondering whether to go to an independent FSA to ask for advice re investing to generate some income for her. The home costs £650 a week and although she does have pensions there is also the cost of the house to cover. Has anyone done this and was it helpful or can we find out the same information by ourselves?

Thanks for any ideas and for reading!

Maggie

Savvy_Sue

My first suggestion would be to talk to the home, and see if they have any suggestions or activities which you haven't yet discovered. And if they haven't, ask what their plans for to improve that situation ...

That's for the boredom, can't help with any of the other questions, I'm afraid!

seven-day-weekend

My mum had very little short-term memeory at the end of her long life (although she was very happy in her home).

She'd always been a reader and actually it seemed to be MORE enjoyable - she'd forget that she had read the book before and just start from the beginning again, so it was always new to her. That's how it appeared to me from the outside anyway, I never actually discussed it with her as it was not a problem.

Maybe talking books might help if she can't see, and also a cd player and some cd's if she likes listening to music.

Errata

Assuming your mum is over 65 you need to apply for Attendance Allowance, not DLA. Given that she has dementia and is visually impaired she may get the top rate of £70.35 a week.

The home may have an activities co-ordinator who could come up with some suggestions to stop your mum from getting bored, perhaps knitting or some group activities. An activities co-ordinator has responsibility for organising both group and one to one activities for residents eg my stepdad has a half an hour one to one natter with a member of staff every day which helps him feel less bored. My ma could still knit after she'd reached the point when she didn't know who she was or where she was.

Can't offer anything on the financial question, but HTH

ETA - has your mum had a Care Needs Assessment ? It should cover what needs to be done in and by the home to stop her being bored, amongst other things.

Mojisola

It's great that you can do stuff to help your Mum but remember she is paying £650 a week for care and she obviously isn't getting what she needs from the home. Are they just putting her in a chair and expecting her to keep quiet all day? Read their publicity information and see what they say about caring for clients as individuals, etc, etc, and ask them to put that into action.

fredsnail

We'll be renting out Grandad's house to help with the home fees - the bills etc will be the responsibility of the tennant so hopefully there will be minimal maintenance costs.

He also gets attendance allowance.

Don't forget to let your council and the water board know that the house is empty - you will get council tax reduction and also for water rates.

Also make sure you get appropriate insurance cover for the empty property just incase something happens.

fs