FRUGAL LIVING CHALLENGE 2010, part 1. (Living on £4,000 a year)

cw18

Frugaldom wrote: »

CW - Sorry things didn't work out between you and mysteryman, I was one of those eagerly awaiting Sunday walking in park results.

Well, I've just about managed to convince myself that all things happen for a reason - and if he couldn't accept the apology (even if he still couldn't forgive me) after I'd warned him I knew I have a habit of 'opening mouth before engaging brain', then I guess it's better to find out sooner than later

Only problem is, it's left me looking at my life and what I've done with the last 40+ years and where I see myself in the next 10 years (even 5 years, and - at the worst - 12 months), and I don't like what I'm seeing.....

Almost feel like I've got a baaaad case of 'baby blues' - so I guess it must be 'empty nest syndrome' kicking in early, now it looks pretty certain that DS2 is moving out in September

Looking at my phone bills/records over the past 12 months, all I see is calls & texts to DD, odd calls/texts to DS1 and a few calls to my parents. Other than that it's companies/government type places (Tax Credits etc)

Email history over the last 3 years shows loads of newsletters from companies I've dealt/registered with..... and a few from DD with photos she wanted me to print for her, or documents/letters she wanted me to proof-read (plus bookings for flights that DS1 needed me to print off for him due to on-line check-in)

Social life has been non-existant for over 20 years, and I can't find anywhere to hook up with people to start one now

I've had to face up to the fact that I don't have a single 'real-life' friend, and this is mainly down to late-DH freaking about me talking to anyone (I've finally realised this last week just how controlling he was, which has also hit hard). I used to have a circle of casual friends - but half of them were blokes and he didn't like that one little bit, so I lost touch long before we moved. He didn't even like me talking to his friends when he was in the same room, and that once caused a major blow-up with us not speaking for several days. And the fights to 'get permission' to go on a work social just made it not worth bothering most of the time (think I went on 3 nights out in the 10 years I worked for my last company, and those only 'cos they were leaving do's for people I'd worked very closely with so worth the fight in my eyes)

I do 'chat' to parents/grand-parents at school (and say hello in the street or if I see them around work), but the only one I'd perhaps be comfortable enough to go out with has her own circle of friends. She did invite me once a few years back, but I didn't feel comfortable about going - and even now I still wouldn't!! I'd have been the odd-one-out amongst a dozen people as they all have children of primary school age (and younger), all of them use this one night every 4-6 weeks to escape husbands, and they think nothing of blowing upwards of £50 each on a meal and drink...... which is £50 I can't afford, and I know they all get tipsy which would make me uncomfortable as I don't drink.



I then tried checking how my finances stack up from September (when I lose all the income related to having a child - and this all goes even if DS2 stays living here, as his educational level means I no longer qualify for them), and I can't afford to join any clubs or anything in an attempt to meet people.

If I stay on my 24 hour contract at work, I'm going to be lucky to cover the bills (and that's assuming that what I save on g&e by only being me here is the equivalent to what my credit balance is covering each month at the moment - which I doubt it will be). And that's also assuming I force DS1 and DS2 to pay their way if they come home for a visit :eek:

If I manage to maintain my 30 hour/week average (either by getting more hours on my contract or carrying on doing every extra shift that's up for grabs within the 39 hr/wk max we're allowed to do), then I may have a few hundred a year to play with - but £6-8/week won't go far, especially when I can't find any clubs or such within walking distance so would also need extra fuel for the car

It's really looking like I'll have to re-home the dog by the end of the year (even though DS1 has said he'll never speak to me again if I do) as I'm looking at around £650 year without any emergencies/extra vet bills, and may well have to give up the car within the next 12 months too (just over £1k/year - though some of this would almost certainly then have to be spent on bus fares, but prob less than £100/yr). But losing the car will leave me even more isolated with no chance to get out and meet people, so I'm not convinced this is a good move - even though my budget spreadsheet says it's practically essential that I do


GD1 wants to come and live with me, and DD (who often seems pretty stressed, even though she dropped to p/t hours to try and help her chill-out more) hasn't raised any major objections - though we both think GD1 would want to move back home pretty sharpish after she realises that I'm a lot stricter full-time than when she just visits for an odd hour . This would help solve my finances, as I told DD it would mean her signing over the CB (which would mean I'd get CTC as well, and still get WTC even though I'm under 30 hrs/week due to being classed as a 'single parent' again) - but it would also potentially mean another 10-12 years of parenting, with all the constraints on time to socialise/need for child-care that this involves. So in the long run I don't think I'd actually be any better off - or at least not mentally - and I'd be back to where I am now when she moved out.

Fishcake_Random

Hello frugallers,

Only £69.94 left of this months budget and its only 6th. Our house benifit has gone down so we need to squeeze an extra £60 a month from our budget of £100 a week. Not sure if we can do it but if we can then when our benifit goes back up in October (MA ends) I can save that £60 each month as I know I can live without it IYSWIM.

Congrats to even more arrivals!!! Making me really nervous now lol, 6 days to 37 weeks!!! And then panic can ensue lol.

Found an awsome bargin in wilkos earlier. Packs of 14 lilet tampons 75% off. So nabbed 2 packs for .48p less than 2p a tampon. And definately something that I will use in future. Debating on nabbing some more on way home but want to give other people a chance before I take them all. Also found a pound coin on route to the shop today but OH has decided to splurge it on an iceland pizza tonight as he's had a bad day bless him. lol

Frugaldom - £1 per bottle of pop is the highest we pay. Neither of us smoke (since discovering pregnancy) or drink except special occasions (xmas,birthdays, weddings etc) allthough we have been given a brew your own kit for xmas bizarrely from someone who knows us really well!!! Perhaps a hint?
Anyhoo pop is our little luxury. We used to quite happily drink 2-3 bottles a day between us and now one lasts us 2-3 days. So we really have cut down dramaticly already this year. Might be something I can cut back on futher later in the year but fits us and our budget for now. Food for thought though.... thank you.


x x x xx x

grandma247

I finally found the paper with the oat rolls on with my notes which are at the end. They are very tasty and soft. I have never made oat dough quite like this before but I am glad I did.

Soft Oatmeal rolls
scant 2Tbs yeast or 2pkgs
1/3 cup warm water (120-130 deg.)
2 cups water
1 cup dry oats
3 Tbs butter
2/3 cup brown sugar
1Tbs white sugar
1 1/4tsp salt
5-51/2 cups flour
dissolve yeast in 3/4 cup warm water,set aside.
if using pkgs. you may be able to skip this part and put it in with the flour.
Bring 2 cups water to a boil, add oats and butter. Simmer for 1 min.
Pour oats into a mixing bowl. let it cool a bit.
add sugars,salt,yeast mixture,and half the flour. Mix well.
add enough of the remaining flour to make a soft dough.
turn onto a floured board and knead for 6-8 minutes until smooth and elastic
add additional flour if needed.
Place dough into a greased bowl turning once to grease top. cover. let it rise until double in size (about an hour)
punch down dough.
divide into quarters.
shape each quarter into six balls (24 in total)
Place in a 9x13 inch baking tin evenly spaced.
cover and let rise till double(45-60 min. approx.)
bake at 350f preheated for 20-25 min.
these rolls meld together while baking. pull apart to serve.
My Notes
These rolls are sweet.
these are some changes I tried...
I used wholemeal flour.
I also only used 1 pkg of yeast and it took far longer to rise in my freezing kitchen so will try 2 next time and put it in dining room to rise.
Plain rolls Leave out all except 1 tbs sugar and I used oil instead of butter. They were very nice and soft. I did 12 larger ones instead of 24 small so they were big enough for sandwiches.
Fruit rolls ADD: 1tsp mix spice,1 tsp cinnamon,1 cup mixed dried fruit.
this made 8 torpedo shaped rolls but i would have preferred them a little smaller. 1/2 white and half wholemeal might have made them a bit lighter.

grandma247

Hugs to you cheryl. I feel for you having watched two of my dd fall under the spell of control freaks. Oldest did it twice but after a horrible roller coaster time managed to break free and has now married a lovely man. Youngest is now free and I hope will look for signs before committing to a relationship.

lynzpower

Cheryl,

I just wanted to say hugs to you, It sounds like you are really going through it at the moment.

Im sure there is a solution, but i just wanted to suggest when you have a little bit of headspace you might want to think outside the box- for example if you own your house- could you rent it out? Go volunteering for a while? Live in an eco commune somewhere in the UK ( might actually be one close to your area/ family etc) or think seriously about finding a way to change career? Have you considered doing child care at home to supplement your income? Have you considered respite foster care for example? ( Only suggesting these as it sounds like you are v child-focused)

These suggestions probably wont suit ( they never do I find lol!) but I hope you find peace in your thoughts and a way forward that says "I can".

Whats the reason why your DS couldnt care for the dog? Could you split costs? As a dog parent, I know just how heartbreaking this must be to even think about it.

(((CW))))

pagangirl

Hi all

Hugs CW - my ex was like that - (which is why he's a ex), but that's another story !

Big hugs to you slowlyfading, sorry about the car, hopefully only temporary blip . :grouphug:

Congratulations Twinkles08 on new baby.:T

Annie 123 brilliant skip finds - all we ever find here is soil, bricks n useless rubbish:(

Not much happening here, more recycling, decluttering, small shop for milk n fruit. trying to revise for maths exam next week but brain is not in revising mood - maybee tomorrow.

Have great weekend folks

cw18

Yes I own the house, but I'd rather sell and down-size than rent out this one and live somewhere else..... And if I do that I'd never qualify for benefits again (too much in the bank), so I feel I'm giving up the kids inheritance by even considering it !?!?!?

Did consider (briefly) letting out a room, but really not sure I like the idea of sharing with a 'stranger' - plus I'm sure it would also push up a lot of the bills, such as fuel (they'd prob expect the heating on more than I allow it to run) and house insurance so may not gain me anything in the long-run. I'd certainly lose the single person discount on the council tax, which is quite a bit (£30-ish/month).

DS1 can't take the dog as he's in 'singles quarters' in the Army. I did 'suggest' he helped with the costs, and he practically laughed at me - but I know he spends his money faster than he earns it (even though he's on a decent wage), and I've had to "loan" him the cost of travel back to camp more than once in the last year !!!! He's also talking about coming out of the forces soon and finding enough work to put himself through Uni, so I guess his finances aren't likely to improve in a long time yet. The thought of letting the dog go to a new family doesn't actually bother me too much (he was more DH's than mine), apart from the fact it does mean no company at all in the house (unless I then took on the expense of a smaller pet - and I don't think I'd want to do that)


I had debated doing child-minding before I got my current job, but I'm really not a "house-wife" when it comes to keeping the place clean and tidy. When everyone else in the family stopped "helping" many, many years ago, I basically "went on strike" and refused to do more than absoutely essential - and am now suffering for it, as demonstrated by the fact that 3 days down the line I'm still trying to get my kitchen/diner presentable (though I tend to do 20 min bursts before a 10 min break, and "only" for about 6 hours a day).

Fostering is something else I'd have liked to persue if I'd got the house straight, but it's unlikely I'd get pre-schoolers (which is what I'd want) plus there's no guarantee that I wouldn't have long gaps without a child (which would mean no income other than the widows pension from a company scheme, as it's practically the equivalent of JSA). Trying to do respite alongside my main job would be difficult, as I sometimes only get asked to do an extra shift days before the event (supposed to get 3 weeks notice, but it doesn't seem to work that way in the bakery!) - and we have to get permission from work to have a 'second job', which is likely to be "declined" if they think it'll impact availability to them (hence meaning I have to chose one or the other)


I'm sure something will come up though - and, like I say, if push-comes-to-shove I can always down-size the house if cutting back everywhere else still leaves me with month at the end of the money. DS1 is home for 3 weeks over Easter, and we'll certainly be having a serious chat about "monies owed" and the dog situation then (he's also home next weekend, but I'm not doing it then as Saturday is his 21st - hence the reason for coming back on a long weekend so soon before his Easter leave)

lynzpower

Hi all :wave:

Had a lovely day off yesterday that I spent pottering

Have given away some stuff on freecycle that went last night ( roll of fabric and couple of bags of magazines- both that were free to me in the first place) I love the circle of life of "junk" and one mans trash being another mans treasure as they say. Well done to you Annie123 :j

I must say I think one of Londons most unsung pleasures is the street-side giveaways and finds. It is a veritable breadbasket of goodies. I cant even start to list the things Ive found. Ive made birdscarers with the thousands of red-elastic bands that scatter the streets from royal mail and have recently started catching blow-away carrier bags to use for the dogs deposits. Getting one last use out of stuff before it goes in landfill is my motto at the mo!

Went to a jumble sale this morning, it was SO packed, and not a lot of good stuff there so left empty handed. Im on the lookout for some curtains for the office and dont want to buy them if I can help it.

Seedlings are coming on well Peppers, aubergines broadbeans, patty pan, blueberries all on the go Ive a few more things to do today and tomorrow. Made up a load more laundry gloop using up an old dove soap i got in a gift set. Smells lovely.

I wonder if anyone knows. I have this coconut oil I got from body shop kicking around the house somewhere, would that be ok to use in gloop?

Have been really out of control with spending this week,things have all been rather a tizz. Really must meal plan today. We have plenty of food in and I dont need to buy more Im sure.

I too share the pain ( literally) of expensive pending dental work and how to budget for it. I MUST organise the works BUPA dental scheme. It works out about 15 month deducted from salary, then a large proportion of the costs back. I will make this a task that has to be done tomorrow ( send email to team to see who wants to join it- we only need 3 employees to want to pay it to start the scheme) Employer isnt going to pay for it, but it will mean a huge amount of money back as I need a rot canal, 2 crowns, a filling :eek:

Right better get off and finish these pottings and do the meal plan. Duties call :wave:

Also SF, try not to sweat it about the money. Other posters are right, feeling rotten about it wont help, chin up, something will come up keep cheerful x

Hugs to everyone else who needs one
xx

top_drawer_2

hello,

Hugs to SF and CW.

What a situation CW, it sounds like you have considered everything. I would certainly try to have a honest chat with your son about how much its costing you to live and what the dog is costing .... hopefully joining the army will encourage him to grow up a bit, I know what soldiers get paid monthly (and they have few opportunities to spend it once they're posted out to the middle of nowhere), he could easily afford to pay for the dog keep period if he feels that strongly about it.

The blows here don't seem to be stopping either .... Thursday I got a demand from Revenue and Customs claiming I should have submitted a tax return so am being fined £100 - I used to do some mystery shopping but kept finding it too much hassle and not really worth it so stopped bothering. I rang up before the deadline and was told that as I hadnt received a form, nor was I doing the work anymore I didnt need to submit one! I can't prove this unfurtunately though so I have had to send a letter of appeal explaining and hope they repeal it.

I also got a letter from Barcleycard on Monday saying that due to info received from the Credit checking agencies they are reducing my overdraft .... I don't use it really anyway (only have the card for paypal) but the information received was worrying .... I rang them and they mentioned CCJ's so I had to sign up to a credit checking website (free 30 day trial) and it seems that a payment to HSBC credit card that I was sure went, didn't so I am £67 down as I sent them a cheque asap to get it sorted.

I am also having some problems with living in a shared house nothing to serious but really really feeling my lack of money and the lack of options I have available to me. I have no savings to speak of as I simply cant afford to put any money away so god knows how I will cope if anything should happen. On Tuesday a freind came round for a brew and was saying she was skint etc, she has a long term health condition and doesnt work in convo she mentioned she was putting between £50-100 a month away in savings - It made me really sad for myself as I work and am soooo careful.

I did do some food shopping on Friday and spent more than I wanted too really but they were all thought out purchases and its partly because I keep getting dizzy/drops in blood sugar with eating certain foods which means I can only go 3-4 hrs before I have to eat again .... I am sick of eating now!

chika

(((Cheryl))) Hugs to you too - I have a friend who was in a similar situation to you last year, It wasnt easy for her but she eventually let a room which covered bills etc. Do you still do work in the school? Is there any chance of making that paid or perhaps doing a before/after school club? I think you'd be a great foster carer, you seems like a lovely caring person and I'm sure the social workers will notice this and be impressed by the stability you can offer. What's up with your house? If you want some help I'll gladly come armed with rubber gloves and stardrops. (serious offer) I love sorting out other people's houses. I'm just rubbish at doing my own!

SF Try and keep your chin up - you're nearly there and have a job - I know so many trainees that would kill to be in your place right now. Is it worth shopping around to find a garage that could do the repairs cheaper? If you're anywhere near Huddersfield I'll let you know the place that does mine - they are super reasonable and lovely people too.

I too had a trip to the dentist yesterday. I've managed to make it to 26 without needing a filling but the time of having good teeth is over I need to have a small filling, the dentist did say everything else is ok though. I'm going to pay £75 and have a white filling. They would have done the silver one free but I'm a bit scared it would be too noticable. Are the white ones worth it?

This weekend I'm going to do my first proper meal plan. I've been on the Cambridge diet for the past 5 weeks (on and off!) but it's starting to get on my nerves and I need to start eating real food. I went to the market this morning and bought 2 kilos of chicken breast for £5 and a whole salmon for £6 which he has filleted. That can be the basis of the plan. I have the essentials in to make bread so will just need to top up with fresh fruit and veg. Wish me luck!